Quote Blog: Inspiration

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” – George Eliot

boohoo.com

Girls love fashion. In particular, we like cheap fashion that doesn’t decimate our bank balances. Even better – we like being able to avoid the great unwashed masses by clicking a button and depositing our every fashion fancy into one basket. No queues, no shoving, no rude check out girl with a chip on her shoulder the size of a towering council estate. There are of course some negatives to consider: sizing seems different in virtually every shop you frequent so how do you establish what size you are in your new web world? You’ve also got to pay those pesky posting and packaging fees, and does it really looks as good as it does on the model in real life? I recall with horror the moment my beautiful cream white dress from ASOS was delivered. I ripped open the packaging with quiet anticipation only to find an off-yellow monstrosity that looked like something someone from the Addams family would wear. In my paralysed state of rage and disappointment combined, I didn’t send the dress back in time and so the hideousness that it is resides sinisterly in the back of my wardrobe. Every now and again when skimming the rail, I would catch sight of it, and the cringe of recognition would be on me once again.

Ignoring the pitfalls of online shopping (of which we acknowledge, there are many), Boohoo is an interestingly named little boutique. Is it meant to be a play on ‘you-who’, something all the boys will be doing when you flounce out in your new attire, or is it mimicking the cries of countless credit cards across the country?

The boohoo adverts themselves are hard to ignore; it’s a cacophony of colour either delightful or offensive to the eye. Girls strutting, smiling and shimmying in an array of rainbow outfits. Boohoo also has a soft spot for animal print, which the Bet Lynch in me approves of.

I have made several of my own purchases from boohoo and I adore them all. The items are cheaply priced, arrive quickly and I’ve never yet been disappointed in the quality or colour. They make some beautifully floaty, mermaid dresses, short summer hot pants and tops that will scream ‘notice me!’. If you haven’t yet shopped boohoo, I would give them a look in!

 

‘Make Every Man Want You’ – Marie Forleo

Said friend who recently loaned me ‘All the Rules’ has now shared with me a little book that is it’s polar opposite. This book is ‘How to make every man want you’. Not one man. Not THE man. But ANY and EVERY man.

This is a pretty sensational promise, and if it worked, I’d have Tom Hardy, Rafael Nadal and David Boreanaz (to name but a few) clawing at my door with all the frustration and insistence that only a madman crazed by a woman can muster. But what I liked about the premise of this book was that it professed itself to be the antidote to formulaic books such ‘All the rules,’ which encourage target behaviours and punish anything free-thinking, wilful or in the moment. The issue I take with such books is that they sound like the kind of guide that would enable you to pass your exams. They are the AQA textbooks of the dating world.

In these books, X + Y – Z ALWAYS equals SSSFDFKDAS, and as we all know, all’s fair in love and war. These books try to train you to be one of Pavlov’s salivating dogs. Forleo offers a different approach.

We can all conjure up a story where a woman did everything RIGHT (by rules standards) but ended up with a less than desirable result. We can also summon numerous examples of women who did everything WRONG and still landed the man of their dreams (one such fictional example that springs to mind is Gloria from ‘The Wedding Crashers’).

Most importantly though, unless you are inherently focused on a marriage and family in the imminent future and therefore weeding out the bad guys is an absolute necessity in time saving, WHO CARES? Love, dating and relationships should be FUN, not prisons of enforced behaviour, martyrdom, rejection, neglect, abuse and mind games. We probably all pepper and sprinkle our romantic endeavours with a FEW playful flakes just to keep the magic alive, but there’s a ludicrous gap between ‘teasing and playing’ and ‘MINDFUCKING YOU’.

I snuggled up in bed; half awake and devoured this book in a day. It was written in such a frivolous, mischievous and open manner that something about it was quite satisfying, like a tall glass of water after floundering in a dessert (after being chucked glasses of lavender juice – probably something a rules girl would drink…)

Besides, for those who have recently googled the rules authors, it doesn’t seem as if their marriages panned out too well (not to gloat at this fact). It is proven that men love challenge and mystery, but if your pre-marriage self is a constructed façade, then the reality when you marry and can finally be ‘yourself’ must feel like getting hit by a tuck. Forleo, who also consequently married her husband, takes a refreshingly ‘live in the now’ spin on her situation, explaining that she does not know what the fates have in store for her marriage, only that for now, that is the state she finds herself in.

Forleo’s book encourages the following:

* Know the in’s and out’s of ‘irresistibility 101′ – being responsible and present

* Knowing the 5 truths – a relationship will not save you, relationships are spiritual opportunities, not a needs exchange, life is now – this is it, men are as-is merchandise, or love ‘em and leave ‘em baby and finally, if you want guarantees in love, you don’t want love.

* Knowing the habits of unattractive women: neediness, insecurity, clueless communicating, unkempt appearance, a bitter attitude, cynicism and being boring in bed.

* Eight secrets to magnetizing men: to hell with the rules (amen), trash your perfect man checklist, when it’s men vs. women, everyone loses, your parents didn’t screw you up, drop your story, quite complaining and start engaging, get a life and keep it and perfect packaging.

It seems there are two types of girls.

There are ‘rules’ girls, who have been conditioned to believe (rightly or wrongly) that men and women behave in pre-ordained ways. Women must always be rescued, chased, hunted, wooed and won. Women must always be frilly, glittery and girly.

Then there are women who throw away the rules. Maybe sometimes they do it all wrong and get their hearts broken, but they are also being their authentic selves and learning along the way.

Firstly, I don’t think men and women are so different. There are a few intrinsic differences, but much of what we are is what we are conditioned to be, by our families, peers, cultures, religions and societies. There is no typical man, nor a typical women, just individuals relating in unique ways. You can follow the rules and still not get what you want, or you can make your own rules. Life is for living. Nothing is forever. Furthermore, this guide is not explicitly a dating guide, but one for overall self-improvement. The advice provided can be extrapolated to friendships, business, well being and the world. It’s a giddy, girly guide that you can imagine mermaids and pixies adhering to.

I say: be a wise fool

We Need to Talk About Kevin

Sit down and be silent, because we need to talk about Kevin, something most people have been doing since the films debut.

Lynne Ramsays’ cinematic interpretation of Lionel Shrivers novel sizzled when it emerged in cinemas in 2011. Stark, bleak and unsettling, ‘We Need to talk about Kevin’ is the story of Eva Khatchadourian (the ever androgynous , astonishing Tilda Swinton), an independent, intelligent travel writer who soon settles into marriage and motherhood, whilst struggling to develop a functioning relationship with her unusual son, the titular character Kevin (mesmerizing newcomer Ezra Miller).

Kevin grows from a moody, bossy and sombre child into a sinister, introspective and highly aware young man; perpetually unhappy and bored. He enjoys playing his parents against one another, relishing the slow demolition of the family unit. He sadistically taunts his sister, savages the family guinea pig and projects a sunny yet sullen disposition to the outside world.

The culmination of Kevin’s erratic and unexplained behaviour climaxes with the massacre of his class mates with a bow and arrow. To Kevin’s ears, the screams of his peers merge eerily into the ecstasy of approving applause. The story, a weaving of past and present, unravels Eva’s past life of freedom and pleasure, kissing in the rain and travelling, the mundane hell of her personal experience of motherhood and the devastation and ruin caused by Kevin’s actions, as he steals from Eva her dream or illusion of family and the sacrifices she made, exchanging her past life of independence for one of motherhood.

As I haven’t read the book, the film roused many questions in me. What is Kevin’s motivation? As Eva asks him why, Kevin can only respond, ‘I used to think I knew’. Is the problem something innate within Kevin? Was he born with psychotic, even sociopathic, narcissistic, sadistic tendencies? Did he pick up on Eva’s lack of true love, claiming the only honest act she ever committed to him was breaking his arm? Was her lack of love the reason for his cold, harsh decision? Was the issue Franklins inability to acknowledge Kevin’s issues? Kevin is frequently described as uncomfortable, pointless, weird, something that his mother is ‘used to’ and harsh. Despite the emotional disconnect between Eva and Kevin, there is a clear connection; something that binds the two.

Everything Kevin does seem to serve as a punishment to his mother, perhaps an attempt to rouse a feeling of love or of hatred, but not of indifference and not of illusion. Eva tries to love Kevin and plays at loving him, but at least in the early years, she doesn’t and Kevin seems to sense this. The film is an interesting look at nature vs. nature. Are we born what we are, or do our environments condition us into being what we become? Kevin’s antagonistic dislike towards his mother and the usury, superficial relationship he shares with his father and sister are difficult to fully define and the film maddeningly refuses to explain why Kevin is the way he is, merely relishing the fact that Kevin represents the disillusionment of the family unit, the American dream, the potential of youth and the natural bond between mother and son. The film explores the child as a separate, wilful entity of the parents that has the potential to either elevate or devastate the parents’ expectations.

Contrary to many reviewers, I did not see Eva as a bad mother, merely a struggling one who was perhaps astounded herself by her lack of true maternal warmth. Despite this, she eagerly tries with Kevin but he thwarts her at every turn. Interestingly the only respite she receives from his caterwauling is the grating sound of road works.

Eva and Kevin are mirrors of one another. If Eva is acting at being a loving mother, then Kevin is acting at being a loving son with Franklin, and acting in the gymnasium when he slaughters his fellow students. Everything with Kevin is a veneer, a facade, reflected in his mother; actions that he hopes will inspire some feeling, but never do.

The film itself was slow to unravel but a fascinating portrait of a family falling away, tearing at the seams and an interesting insight into the difficulties faced by mothers in producing and raising healthy, functioning children. This is a film that focuses on silences, on what is unsaid and unknown, on symbols, alludes and colours, particularly the colour red, the most natural of colours, representing the blood of menstruation, of birth, of life ebbing away and finally, of murder and used throughout the film as Eva hides behind tomato soup, participates in a tomato festival, paints her lips red, drinks red wine and feeds Kevin jam sandwiches. It’s the colour of love, passion, rage, never quite freely expressed in this film, even in Kevin’s final acts.

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Eva and Kevin are both pretenders, but despite intriguing me, I couldn’t push past the surface and gloss of this film. I couldn’t understand Kevin, I couldn’t pierce his veneer, and I wanted to turn his head inside out and pour the contents onto the table.

I wouldn’t recommend to expectant mothers, but to all else, ‘We need to talk about Kevin’ is well worth a watch. In a world where children are perceived as innocent, angelic beings, this film makes us reconsider and ask the question ‘who is to blame, who is responsible if a child ends up like Kevin?’

Perhaps the most insightful quote of all into Kevin’s mindset is the following:

“It’s like this: you wake and watch TV, get in your car and listen to the radio you go to your little jobs or little school, but you don’t hear about that on the 6 o’clock news, why? ‘Cause nothing is really happening, and you go home and watch some more TV and maybe it’s a fun night and you go out and watch a movie. I mean it’s got so bad that half the people on TV, inside the TV, they’re watching TV. What are these people watching, people like me?”

Perhaps then what Kevin craves is notoriety, fame – supposedly children deprived of loving family units find the love they crave in the deceptive glare of renown. Basking in the afterglow of his murders, Kevin seems to feel for a moment, recognised. The reaction of bile and horror is honest, more honest than Eva’s repressed barely veiled desperation and dislike. Even at the end, Eva embraces her son and confides that she loves him, but does she, or does she only love the husk of family that has been left to her? I think audiences will be talking about this one for some time to come.

 

Quote Blog: Life

Life can be hard but it doesn’t have to make you hard – Me

‘All the Rules’ – Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider

I made a pact with myself that this year would be the year that I would follow my heart and go with the flow. I would ignore fear, ‘mental monologues’, ‘what if’s’ and ‘but you can’t do that’s!’. This would be the year of boldly going where I’ve never been before, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, whatever-ly…it would be a year of seizing opportunities and reacting to the gut instinct that says ‘GO!’ and not ‘well let’s just see whether 2+2 equals 4 first…’. After all, that’s what youth is for. Caution is reserved for adults who’ve been badly burned before.

See I think there’s something to be said for these gut instincts; they are our inner children, our animalistic urges, unconditioned by expectation, dread and anxiety, and completely isolated from others judgements and beliefs. Of course, a civilised human being can only act like a child or an animal for so long, and certainly a 2 year old in a 22 year old body, or a piranha in a 22 year old body, might be a little less appealing than say…a human kitten or Peter Pan.

Despite this, part of me is still deeply analytical and I do enjoy intellectualising things as much as I enjoy feeling. There is safety in studiously standing back and attempting to comprehend ‘leaky feelings’. Perhaps because of this tendency, a close friend of mine lent me a book called ‘All The Rules’.

‘All The Rules’ is basically a dating manual but for a very specific kind of woman. This woman is not looking for a man to occupy her Saturday night sit ins, this woman is looking for a husband. Now I can assure you all that that is NOT what I’m looking for. To be fair, I am only twenty two and the lightning bolt of babydom and wifehood may strike me yet, but I feel I am destined (if life is kind) to a life of freedom and adventure….this may be why labels and rules scare me as much as they comfort me. As soon as I put a label on a radical or exciting emotion, thought or occurrence, it immediately becomes ‘intellectualised’ and ‘kinda boring…’ I quite enjoy the mystery and intrigue of experiences that don’t quite fit a logical or rational explanation, which is probably why my favourite of all maddening emotional ventures is the rollercoaster of infatuation; the adrenal, hormonal, whimsical rush that belies definition and convention.

I should have known really that ‘All The Rules’ wasn’t for me. First of all it’s a manual. It’s a ‘don’t do this’ and ‘do do that’ way to get your future hubby. It’s guidance from traditional, conventional, old fashioned women who snagged their husbands with good home grown ladylike manners, class and aloofness (like the old movie stars).

The advice includes but is not limited to the following gems;

• Value yourself as a unique creature (probably like a unicorn or smurf)
• NEVER call him first. NEVER. Or you will die.
• NEVER tell him you like him, miss him, or love him first. OR YOU WILL DIE
• NEVER return his call quickly. Make him wait. OR YOU WILL DIE
• Never accept a date invitation for the Saturday any day past Wednesday. Presumably he will then think you are easy and boring and have nothing planned except eating cheetohs out of your hair and watching Mamma Mia.
• DIET. LOOK SPLENDID. GO FOR A JOG. EAT LEAVES. Basically look beautiful.
• Invent yourself some plans. Otherwise, if you don’t have anything to do, pretend that you did…presumably to make this lie believable you either have to stick to quite a simple and straightforward social event that requires no elaboration (‘Me and Tania went for lunch’ – too dull to require any embellishments). OR go for a big fat whooper of a lie that would dizzy any extrovert. I think I’d go with ‘I got up at the crack of dawn and rode on the back of wild skateboarding tigers through the Amazon whilst playing the bongos and chasing poachers to the verge of the new world’. You know something like that.
• If he upsets you, never tell him. Accept it or leave him, but NEVER admit that anything he does bothers you or holds any power over you.
• DON’T check up on him or ask him questions. Basically, show no interest in his life.
• Never admit to jealousy, distrust or feelings of inadequacy. Deal with these outside of your relationship, privately, but don’t communicate them to him.
• NEVER see him more than once a week – got to keep that lust and love alive!

Love/lust is a push/pull dance. You have to have the perfect balance of connection and distance. Connection becomes it naturally fosters a sense of closeness, compatibility and compassion, and distance to administer healthy doses of spice, mystery, freedom and desire. After all, familiarity breeds contempt and supposedly absence makes the heart grow fonder.

The problem lies in the fact that we all want different kinds of relationships. What we feel we can offer and what others want from us are usually very different and sometimes, in direct conflict. The real truth is that most of us don’t really know what we want, or we think we do until we have it. Then there’s the dilemma of maintaining what we have when it can all so easily, pardon my French, go to shit. Further to that, there’s the fact that men and women are expected to act so differently and normally for good reason in the dating world. Yet there’s always that one person who actually LIKES it when a woman is aggressive and forthright in her hunt for a man, or the woman that loves a shy, passive dude.

Human nature is a fickle, greedy, selfish and confused beast, but it can also be one of great altruism, kindness and closeness. I know there are times when I could barricade myself away in a room with nothing to live on but cuddles, and other times when my desire for freedom would be enough to cause me to set sail in a pirate ship far away from any other human companion. I think most of us are probably alike in this respect.

But like I said, this book wasn’t made for me. This book was made for people who KNOW what they want, or THINK they know; they want a husband, marriage and family. In that case, why waste time with weirdoes, committmentphobics and time wasters? For these women, this book is probably a bible. It ensures that the only guys that will even bother with you will have the patience of a Saint; you will weed out the chronic chasers, the flakes and the guys that don’t really want you. The ones that run your marathon of self-flagulation and rainbow chasing will be confident, ambitious and really really sure that you are the one that they want.

Truth be told, I can see why these rules may work, especially for the traditional woman who wants to be wooed. This guide works on the premise that men like challenge and they like to conquer. They don’t want a woman on a plate (not really), they want to woo and win her. They want the frustration, the intensity, the anxiety of having to run around after you, wade through the minefield and jump the hurdles you set out, whilst you casually breeze about in a waft of perfume like a beautiful, sexy skunk. This is supposedly the science behind why men like football and beating the crap out of each other. If you hand them anything without the promise of a war or struggle, they simply lose interest. Generally, I would say this is true of men. What draws them to women is her initial mystique combined with the glimmer of some connection. But at the end of the day, no matter how many games you play or races you run, all relationships (except the rare few, and these are probably wildly dysfunctional…and even dysfunction becomes boring and repetitive after a while!) fall into a pattern and lose the sheen and shimmer of their earlier passionate days. If those days lasted, we’d all be wandering around in swoons, emotional, outcast wrecks glued to our phones, disintegrating into tears when we have to be prized away from our lovers for five seconds.

To the women that want a hubby and a big white wedding, I would encourage them to at least attempt this advice. It’s tried and tested, well-worn and it will definitely put the men in your life to the test. For those of us that aren’t sure what we want and just want to enjoy the ride, I would instead advocate going with the flow and throwing all advice and guidance to the left while you struggle and swim through the fluctuating waves of human relationships.

This book just doesn’t fit with my ‘go with the flow attitude’ for the year…but still…I might hold off being the first to reveal how I feel….

Quote Blog: Competition

It’s a dog eat dog world, so I became a cat – Me

Quote Blog: Happiness

Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another’s pain, life is not in vain. - Helen Keller

‘The Undateables’

Aired: Tuesday 3rd April 2012

Channel 4

When adverts for ‘The Undateables’ began to air, viewers automatically fell into one of two camps. There were those who, suffering from a reality TV malaise, assumed the show would be exploitative and shameless, and there were those who were generally (and perhaps shamelessly) interested in what rendered someone ‘undatable’. These kinds of shows evoke a bizarre voyeuristic urge in me. Any show that gives me a glimpse into another person’s life always intrigues me. This is how I’ve been unwillingly sucked into shows such as ‘The World According to Paris’ and ‘Audrina’, because despite how scripted and false they are, I enjoy peeking over the white picket fence.

Despite the provocative and controversial title, ‘The Undatables’ is a very human look at the difficulties several individuals living with different disabilities have to endure in the dating world, which is hard at the best of times for the best of us, in an increasingly shallow and superficial society. First we meet Richard, an aspergers sufferer, who douses himself in cologne prior to his date and eats her food. Richard has an endearing innocence to his character but finds it difficult to navigate the dating world when his aspergers means that he only likes to date women within a certain radius and he can’t always pick up on social cues in conversation. We then meet Luke, a tourettes sufferer who is matched with the very accepting Lucy, who reacts only with mischievous laughter when Luke refers to her as a ‘slag’. Finally, we are introduced to trainee teacher Penny who suffers with extremely brittle bones that leave her wheelchair bound. Despite this, Penny dreams of the typical, TALL, dark and handsome boyfriend who will accept her for who she is.

Dating is always a minefield at best, but this show exposes what most of us know anyway, that anyone that doesn’t fit a preconceived mould will find dating harder than others, but also that there is someone for everyone (whether that someone wants them back is another story). I found this a very compelling watch and I truly felt for the characters. Even with their quirks and eccentricities, they were still very choosy (and so they should be).

So does the show exploit its characters? In my opinion, no. Sure, I can picture some 14 year old drones drinking beer and laughing at the TV, but that laughter might be more of a reflection on the ignorance of the viewers. I think the majority of watchers would enjoy this sensitive and honest portrayal of what dating is like for a disabled person. The search for love and acceptance is what makes us human, and it was a very sweet journey to watch these guys and girls bravely take that voyage.

Quote Blog: Fear

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” – Unknown

Melancholia

Melancholia is the moniker, melancholia is the mood. Its most certainly a case of name reflects nature for the latest offering from Lars Von Trier. Anyone familiar with Von Triers body of work will be aware of his excruciating fascination or preoccupation with depression and mental illness. The landscapes he generates are rife with stark and often brutal imagery and depict a world of hopelessness and fatalistic nihilism. This of course mirrors Von Triers own trysts with depression, directing being his creative outlet. It’s interesting that he uses his vast imagination to conjure characters and situations bogged down with the weight of their own mental irregularities. Just like the old innocuous sign that reads ‘you don’t have to be mad to work here, but it helps’, you don’t need to have experienced mental health struggles yourself to appreciate Von Triers films, but it certainly turns them from pretentious to profound if you have. The slow, near-stasis of his films is not for all, but if you enjoy the journey as much as the destination, then it is quite appealing to lose yourself in his nightmarish worlds.  This film as a dystopian drama follows the apocalyptic fate of the family, and the planet as a whole.

Melancholia also announces the return of Hollywood fluffy bunny Kirsten Dunst, who has dabbled with the dark side with former films Interview with the Vampire and the Virgin Suicides but is more acquainted with lighter, sprightly roles, portraying the all American girl. What’s so appealing about Dunst in this role is that she recently experienced her own fall from grace when she suffered a bout of depression of her own and as such, the role of Justine, the manically depressed bride, takes on a reverence and a realism that Dunst conveys perfectly. If anyone doubted the star of such films as Bring It On or Jumanji was not up to scratch in such a contemplative movie, they are wrong entirely. Dunst is both beautiful and bleak as she brilliantly portrays the annihilating incompressibility and alienation of the fog of depression. Charlotte Gainsbourg makes a welcome return as Justine’s sister Claire. With her melodious, ethereal presence, Claire is the opposite of her sister, having achieved and been able to hold down a conventional life which she seems to find fulfilment in.

The film begins with what could be considered a prologue or prelude to the events which follow. We are shown a series of frames and sequences without dialogue which set up the characters and give us a taste of what may be to come. Justine in her wedding dress wanders across the green bound by creeping vines; Claire carries her son Leo whilst trudging across the lawn as though it were mud, leaving behind painstaking foot prints. This sets Justine up as the innocent, passive victim, the individual dealing with the ramifications of severe depression, who is trying to move forward with life but is constantly bound and pulled back by the bindings of her illness. Claire meanwhile, is perceived as the care giver, not only to Leo, but to Justine, but she is literally weighted down with the responsibility of having to look after Justine and an illness that she cannot fully grasp nor understand. By centering on the family, Melancholia explores the domesticity of depression and the ways in which it eats away at our ability to enjoy experiences and destroys relationships, establishing itself as a character in family life. In the end, Claire and Justine are equally consumed by the evils of mental illness.  As Justine, Claire and Leo slowly wander across the green, Justine is shadowed by Melancholia, Claire by the sun and Leo by the moon. The haunting and provoking music of Wagner, which builds to an intense and unsettling strain, introduces us finally, to Melancholia.

The story unfolds in two parts with two sisters, two stories and two reactions. The first follows Justine and her slow transcendence from a successful, accomplished newly promoted art director and wife (indeed Justine is on the cusp of endless potential), into the depths of despair and finally into a flat, remote acceptance. Justine transforms from sunshine itself into a husk of a person. There are many hints as to the origin of Justine’s condition. She has a bullying and cynical mother who does not believe in marriage – executed with convincing cruelty by Charlotte Rampling. Her father, though devoted appears brow beaten and forgetful. Her husband (Alexander Skarsgard), picture perfect, does not really understand the gravitas of her illness and thinks that by making an honest woman of her and locating for her the perfect home, he van vanquish her misery. Everyone is intent on reminding Justine that she should smile, he happy and not make a scene. In the splendid and succulent scenery of her opulent surroundings, neat and ordered and yet oddly devoid of warmth and feeling, Justine’s perfectly constructed facade begins to crumble.  The guests recreate a sense of staged happiness, money has been thrown at her, she has been done up to the nines, she has everything she could want for in terms of security and acceptance, and yet Justine, on what should be the best day of her life, begins to plummet and self sabotage in such a way that by the end of the night, she is left with nothing and seems peculiarly reminiscent of a young Miss Havisham in the making; embittered, hateful and exaggeratedly cruel. In her inability to feel happiness, Justine pushes herself into confrontations and adulterous situations, betraying those closest to her for some crumb of feeling. Through her we experience the deep expanse of her despair, with all its overwhelms and underwhelms – bored by her marriage and yet incapable of bathing, she acts with the feckless abandon of someone who knows the end is nigh. Whilst Justine sets about destroying her own future, she also begins to notice a change in the stars. A planet named Melancholia, previously hidden behind the sun, and expected to bypass the
earth, has emerged.

In Part two, Justine has regressed to an incapable, terrified child and the nature of her harrowing dependency on Claire is clear. Claire does her best to juggle the needs of her resolutely scientific husband John (Kiefer Sutherland) and son, whilst patiently tolerating Justine’s extremes of behaviour. Justine speaks of the earth being evil and of knowing that there is nothing outside of their existance.

There are endless scenes of movement for movement’s sake; the sisters ride horses, but Justine can never pass the bridge (she can never escape her depression), she drives the golf cart, trudges through mud, all with the hope that her movement will generate some sense of purpose.  As Melancholia comes closer, the sisters’ roles begin to reverse. Justine calmly accepts and wills the end of Earth to be, whilst Claire falls into a chasm of fear, dread and panic. Justine comes to represent the perfect embodiment of depression, whilst Claire becomes anxiety. In between rests Leo, passive and outside of either’s direct influence, instead a naive, even optimistic observer. Excited as he is to witness the passing of the planet, he cannot will himself to stay awake. This is because whether the world ends or not, this does not really concern him. He is not consumed by inertia, or terror, he is protected by a child’s sense of wonderment and hope. If we take Claire to be represented by the sun, she has literally been blind sighted by the arrival of Melancholia, and in not expecting it, cannot accept that Earth is coming to an end.

Meanwhile Claire, who long ago made peace with her own depression, can accept the eradication of both herself and the wider world. Once it becomes apparent that Melancholia will collide with the earth, Claire wishes to partake in a human ritual; she wants to sit and drink wine on the terrace whilst Justine sings. Justine knows such rituals are meaningless, just as her marriage was. They are hollow shams to create the illusion of happiness, but the gravitas of life does not change. Instead, Justine creates a ‘secret cave’, which evokes childlike magical thinking but also alludes to the faith we place in religion, where the three sit and wait out the impending disaster. Claire hyperventilates in animalistic fear, Justine serenely accepts what is to come, and Leo faithfully closes his eyes and places his trust in their secret cave.

The films angle is interesting. The profound impact of the end of the world is revealed through the vacuum of the fragmented family. We know nothing of the wider world’s perceptions; we only witness Justine and Claire’s experiences. The looming ball that is Melancholia is symbolic of the feelings of depression sufferers – they literally feel the planet is falling down on them and there is nothing left to live for. The collision may destroy the world, but Justine’s life is already ended – she is unable to enjoy it. To further complicate a straight reading of Melancholia as a story about a depressed girl facing the end of the world, Justine seems to be able to tell the future. It is inferred that although Justine has always been predisposed to depression, what may have triggered her extreme episode is the awareness that the world was due to end. She grows preoccupied with the stars, tries to tell her mother she fears something outside of her direct life and seems to promise Leo they will build secret caves long before there is a need to. She can predict the number of holes on the golf course, and the number of beans in a jar. She too can tell that life will end, and that the end is coming. Driven crazy by this knowledge at first, she grows familiar with it with the cool, cold glaze of depression. It also seems poetically ironic that Claire wishes to die out on the terrace drinking wine. The film seems like an ode to the death of capitalism and the self-destruction of the affluent world, represented by Claire’s husband and their luxurious home. The symbolism, colour and visuals of the film are gorgeous and remind me of some of the haunting images concocted by Kubrick.

Bizarrely life affirming, Melancholia is a perfect depiction of the malady of depression, at times feeling poignant, as if solid blocks of despair have been hacked off and held up for all to see. Maddening, infuriating, illuminating, claustrophobic, many sufferers will see themselves in this film, and many well wishers will recognise themselves in the role of care taker Claire. Its not all doom and gloom, there is a dark and subtle kind of humour to be found in this tale, particularly from Udo Kier as the wedding planner, but essentially we are dealing with a beautiful end of the world film, from the eyes of two sisters experiencing two very different realities.

Warrior

Warrior has been hailed as ‘All the Rocky’s rolled into one’. Though this glowing homage might
titillate the ever hungry action fans amongst us, this statement actually redacts the impact and intention of this movie, reducing it to a film about murderous, monstrous meatheads butting heads and tearing chunks out of each other for the depraved enjoyment of the apathetic masses. There is actually far more to Warrior than meets the eye.This isn’t the tale of two topless finely muscled gods of men merely exchanging fist greetings, though there are certainly enough intense, electric and animatistic fight scenes to really get the adrenalin and testosterone running even in the female members of the audience). There is also something far more subtle, nuanced and human about this film and that is where its success lies. Action fans may assume that this is a straight up fight fest – but they would be wrong in doing so. So too would action avoiders, who might boycott this film due to their aversion be warned against doing so, as they’d be missing more than a spate of WWF montages, but a truly captivating story.

Directed by Gavin O’Connor, who is, as of now, still a director waiting to make a huge impact (though I suspect his luck is set to change) and staring a mega watt cast including Australian hunk Joel Edgerton who portrays physics teacher-cum-fighter in strip club car parks for $500 a pop
against his wives knowledge, Jennifer Morrison as his supportive wife Tess, the swarthy and sophisticated Frank Campana as Frank Grillo and the gorgeously gritty, grubby and grimy Tom Hardy as former marine Tommy, the story is enlivened by the vital pulse of its characters as they battle and brawl the streets of Pittsburgh. Special mention deservedly needs to pass to the wonderful Nick Nolte who portrays Paddy Conlon, a melancholy, bittersweet, rough gem of a man, recovering from a life of heady alcoholism and abuse, who has reached his 1000^th day of sobriety. If Nolte does not win an award for his heart shattering performance, which must contain painful notes from his own life, it would be a great injustice.

The story that plays out is one that is harrowing emotionally and physically in equal measure. Two brothers, estranged in adolescence, find themselves entering the same mixed martial arts fighting
tournament, SPARTA, for a shot at the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Isolated from one another, and from their father, the boys have carved out entirely opposite existences. What could be a campy, predictable movie under the charge of a lesser director comes alive in O’Connor’s hands. Physics teacher Brendan is the formulaic, considered family man whilst wild dog Tommy is the AWOL marine hiding behind his mother’s maiden name of Riordan. Whilst Tommy reluctantly and tauntingly turns to his father, a former boxer, for coaching, Brendan is trained by former friend, suave puppy eyed Frank.  Their motivations are not entirely different, Brendan wants to secure his family home and Tommy wants to donate the winnings to the widow of his war-time comrade. Their fighting styles too are from opposite schools of thought entirely; Brendan is methodical and plodding, with great patience and endurance – a true underdog who is always hanging in by his claws, who trains to Beethoven and fights for family. Then you have the emotional, volatile and dangerous Tommy, who switches on a dime and charges from the cage – he too fighting for family, if not his own. A whole host of colourful and intriguing combatants join them in the ring; the explosive Mad Dog and the glacier-eyed shark of a man Koba (Kurt Angle) amongst them.

This is a movie about men and male relationships and it seems to me that there are a distinct lack of movies that explore the ways in which men interact with one another; their bonds, rivalries, histories and futures. Instead male relationships tend to be projected as something either campy or feminized, frat boy esque or non-existence as if men simply have nothing of any worth or weight to say to one another. Warrior provides fascinating insight as it delves into the back stories of our father and son trio and their fragmented family unit. Having each gone their own way, they will battle either to bond or eternally shatter the family unit. In a world increasingly consistent of single parent families where many children grow up without the presence of a father figure, it is interesting to explore a son’s relationship with his dad – the conflicting and contradictory repressed and sometimes not so repressed feelings of rage, disappointment and hurt. The film explores the paradoxes of the male ego and with great sensitivity. Not a single tear appears insincere or sentimental, none of the emotion is clichéd or soppy.

This is a film that explores the differences in generations and in men with great respect and understanding, making it so much more than a film about fighting. It is at once both tender and brutal, heart wrenching and nerve fraying, cringe worthy and enlightening as the men re-meet in the most primitive, primal and perhaps most traditionally masculine of all arenas – the fighting cage. Here they thrash out not only their dreams and desires, but their deepest conflicts. Few scenes will touch you more than Paddy’s regression into alcoholism and disputes with his sons. This film goes for the jugular and will leave you feeling truly beaten and bloodied, but as we wade through the rivalry and redemption, peculiarly hopeful by its climax.

Film Revisited – Horror for Halloween – ‘Hellraiser’

Modern horror movies tend to feel repetitive and rehashed. We can predict the scares and jumps long before they appear on the screen. We know all the tricks of the trade. The villain appears in the mirror of the medicine cabinet, the promiscuous partying teens are always the first to be hacked to death and the innocent virgin is always spared. If you feel exhausted, rather than horrified by the genre, then it is worth revisiting a cult classic this Halloween that remains authentic, innovative, inspired and truly horrific and introduced us to some of the most recognisable faces of the horror movie world. Adapted from the short story ‘The Hellbound Heart’ by Clive Barker, Barker himself directed the 1987 film interpretation and really brings his words to life.

Hellraiser tells the story of Frank Cotton (Sean Chapman), a hedonistic, depraved young man who has explored and exhausted all of life’s immediate pleasures – he’s travelled to exotic climes, enjoyed his fair share of sexual encounters and even slept with his brother’s wife. There is no boundary left for Frank to cross, no expanse left to traverse, and so he follows his tenacious and limitless thirst for new pursuits and pleasures. His adventuring leads him to an inanimate box that seems to promise carnal pleasures the likes of which he could only dare to dream – the lament configuration. This simple, straightforward, elaborately decorated black and gold box, if solved, can reward him with untold pleasures and draw him out of the malaise and inertia into which he has fallen.

Responsive to sincere desire, Frank manages to solve the puzzle but what he finds is not the standard of pleasure and fulfilment that humanity dictates. Instead, he is greeted by the coenobites, ‘demons to some, angels to others’ but essentially ‘explorers’ and is plunged into the farthest reaches of hell where exquisite pleasure merges with inexplicable pain in a bitter and unrecognisable symphony. Years later, Franks brother Larry (Andrew Robinson), portrayed as solid and dependable but essentially a wet drip moves in with his second wife Julia – the regal and frigid Clare Higgins. They believe that the house is vacant and decide to make a go of things on Julia’s ‘home turf’. It quickly becomes clear that their union is loveless. Julia, cold and refined was drawn out by the exotic eroticism of Frank and the danger and animalism of his magnetism.  His own disenchantment with a world that has nothing left with which to provoke him seems to awaken Julia from the stupor of married life and Larry is mediocre by comparison. As Julia recalls the violent and abrupt calamity of their love making, we become aware that their night of passion is never far from her consciousness and only reminds her of how unsatisfactory life is with the lesser of the two brothers.

They are quickly joined by Larry’s daughter, the beautiful glamour puss Kirsty, who has never seen eye to eye with Julia but dotes on daddy. Portrayed by Ashley Laurence, she has proven to be one of the most likeable and quick witted horror protagonists, putting her in line with Neve Campbell’s Sydney in Scream. When Larry catches his hand on a nail whilst moving furniture, Frank’s remains absorb his blood and begin to regenerate. The scene of his rebirth remains one of the most appalling, shocking and stomach churning moments of horror history and I would not recommend eating whilst watching his resurrection! Julia is drawn to the attic and he compels her to assist him with returning to a fully fleshed form, promising that things can be as they were. Now Frank is Julia’s secret in more ways than one.

It is here that Julia truly embodies the clichéd bored housewife – so bored is she that she is prepared to assist a bloodied corpse of a man just to return to the promised land of the first flush of their doomed affair!  Despite this, her eagerness to assist never appears false or plot driven. We can completely buy that this deeply repressed woman has had something within herself deeply evoked by the brutish and mysterious presence of Frank. She morphs instantly into the role of an enchantress, picking up men from bars and luring them into Frank’s lair. Julia takes on the role of a real reverse lady Macbeth, initially appalled by her implication in a man’s murder, she grows accepting and then finally exhilarated at the prospect of being reunited with the one man who has presumably ever roused out any hint of the carnal in her. She eventually turns her back on any sense of guilt or the moral ramifications of her actions. She monitors Frank as he slowly rebuilds himself before her eyes as he drains the life blood from the husks of his victims.

Higgins is never entirely believable as a temptress, but she does emit a certain aura that enables her to be convincingly captivating and her transformation is riveting to watch. She perfectly depicts the ways in which boredom and inaction can conceal fantasies and wants which become deranged as they are ignored and grow into something deeper and darker. The cold freeze of her Ice Queen persona hides an icy flame of intensity and a hunger almost as bottomless as Frank’s own. The agony of her fruitless marriage and the weight of her secret turn her into a soul liberated into evil, a path she chooses. The Julia of the short story is meant to be inherently desirable. Clare isn’t quite that, but she is magnetic and chilling in a very unique way and I can’t quite picture anyone else as her character. Meanwhile Frank, feeling the anguish of his raw nerves on floorboards, mutilates the rats he shares the attic with – quite an interesting little depiction of the ‘love rat’ indicating his penchant for self mutilation in the quest for immediate satisfaction.

Kirsty begins to suspect that something is not altogether right at the house as she witnesses Julia bringing back her prey. She comes face to face with good old Uncle Frank, who has his sights set on her as his next victim, but Kirsty, intuitive as to the value of the puzzle box manages to steal it away from him and escape. Traumatized by what she has witnessed, she wakes up in a hospital bed with the box by her side and sets about solving it. She manages to open a doorway into hell which she enters, as if lulled hypnotically. Once inside, she confronts a freakish monstrosity, which she only narrowly manages to escape. As she desperately tries to close the portal, she ends up calling the coenobites to her, who vow only to let her go if she can return Frank to them. Pinhead, Female, Butterball and Chatterer, monikers bestowed on them by fans of the cult franchise, are disfigured, mutilated former human victims of the box who come as and when they are called to explore the flesh of new victims and welcome them to the sweet embrace of hell. They have very few scenes but the enthralling chill of their presence is apparent throughout and any moment they appear on screen will genuinely freeze you to the bone with fear. There is something ethereal, melancholy and deeply unsettling about their appearances. In a desperate bid to spare herself from their experimentations, she leads them straight to Frank, but Frank possesses cunning of his own, and hides himself in his brothers’ skin before the great reunion occurs. The coenobites catch him confessing to his sins and come to claim the soul that has bound itself to them.

Despite centreing on one man’s descent into hell, Hellraiser never comes across as preachy or sanctimonious. This is not a film that will tell you to go to Church or burn in hell. It is instead, a film that focuses on human frailty and lends itself more as a cautionary tale about not living outside of your means and opening a Pandora’s Box of secrets that have been boxed away for a reason. Hellraiser tells us that hell is not something that happens to us, it is something that some of us willingly seek, drawn in by curiosity and the quest for knowledge, and saddled with idle minds and boredom. By focusing on the futility of human desire rather than a specific entity such as God or the Devil, the story concentrates instead on a self led quest for hell and seems to introduce the idea that man unconsciously perhaps desires hell for some extremity of feeling to counteract the bland repetition of day to day existence. Nothing happens to Frank that he does not invite, and even as he is united with the coenobites, he licks his lips with sick anticipation at the sadomasochistic torture that is to come. Julia too, hot houses a calculating killer, motivated by her own lust. By contrast, Kirsty, whose intentions are always pure, is spared by the coenobites and faces a redemptive finish. These are honourable demons, indiscriminate, adept at reasoning and anticipating the intentions and motivations of the puzzle solvers. Pinhead (Doug Bradley) has become the iconic front man of the franchise, his character far more at the forefront that it is in the short story.

The movie is brilliant at depicting that which is hidden and needs to be brought to light; the box itself must be located and solved by someone with the correct intentions. Only then will it open itself and reveal to them the torments of the hell they seek. Frank regenerates in the abandoned attic, portals to hell emerge in walls, Frank’s heart beats fanatically beneath the floorboards – the dark, horrific hallmarks of hell that abound all around us mirror the otherwise dire, domestic secret of Julia’s pre-marital affair. Her secret literally unleashes and inflicts the wrath of hell upon herself, her husband and their home, before destroying it entirely. Hellraiser reminds us that secrets will out, and often do. Behind the facades, there is the common theme of deception; there is the obvious deception of Julia’s infidelity, their sham of a marriage but the treachery penetrates deeper, Frank conceals himself in Larry’s skin and masquerades as his brother, pain presents itself as pleasure and Julia becomes Judas as she brings back blissfully unaware men to be butchered and consumed. Frank too, betrays Julia and the two become a pair of deceptive lovers whilst the coenobites, visually gruesome, appear to adhere to a strict code of ‘ethics’ as it were, concerning who they take back to their hellish nightmare of a world.

If we look at the film as an exploration of our own moral compasses, Hellraiser seems to show us how limitless lust corrupts, it destroys people but within the context of the film, it literally opens the gateway to hell and causes Frank and Julia to face eternal damnation. Does it sound like a warning from the Catholic Church? Maybe. But there is nothing provocative or lecturing about the events as they pan out. It encapsulates the fullness and the vitality of hell and brings it into the domestic sphere. Good and evil are present in the film and metaphors and symbols abound within it; Kirsty passes by nuns on the street and the presence of Lucifer is quite strong. He appears to us as the box proprietor, or perhaps as the tramp that eats locusts and finally as a dragon. He is the tempter, the pusher, the peddler, with his innocuous presence he lets his wears speak for themselves and opens his customers up to a world of temptation and sin. He knows, as perhaps the devil does (if he exists) that man can lead himself into hell with very little in the way of tricks or motivation.

Ironically, the unlimited liberation the customers seek is concealed in the confines of a small box. No one is freed by unrestrained lust, nor rage, and so all the victims find themselves first contained, then shackled and then finally dismantled by their own needs, led there by curiosity, human frailty, desire and fallibility. None of them escape judgment but the judgment they face they bring upon themselves and draw to them. This is a self aware film that shows us that we know all too well when we need punishing, and what for. The presence of good and evil becomes intermingled and unintelligible. The Cenobites are easily identifiable if we follow the rules of semantics as the films baddies, but ironically they always emerge heralded by a blaze of light which is complicated to reconcile for those of us that affiliate the abundance of pure, white light with innate goodness. Instead this blinding light appears to signal annihilation and complete oblivion. Their brilliant visuals are saturated by the sound of sudden, warped church bells, signalling doom, and the echoing otherworldly, beautiful but sickening arrival not of judges, but of tools almost, with which the human characters can re-enact their own destruction, which they appear to long for. Pain and pleasure also intermingle, as Larry cutting his hand on the nail is spliced with scenes of Julia and Frank in the throes of ecstasy.

Frank is a saturated soul and a completely unredeemed character – so desensitised to vanilla sex, vanilla violence, vanilla life, his appetites lead him down a rabbit hole of ecstasy and agony. The choice to cast Sean Chapman, who appears very minimally until Oliver Smith takes over as skinless Frank is effective because we always remember him as the swarthy, intense, handsome beast of a lover from the earlier scenes, rather than as a bloody monster. This is torture porn before torture porn became a mainstream thing, but without any sense of exploitation, gratuitous scenes or obviousness. Frank is a philanderer but he is first and foremost an adventurer and his appetite is less about sex than it is about a lack of fulfilment with what life can offer him. Julia is a cheat, and though she never manages to be sympathetic, we can clearly see that she is not in love with Larry, nor is she pretending to be. These are complicated characters.

Clive Barker has been referred to as the master of horror for a reason. He really can capture the gravitas and significance of the small evils we commit independently and collectively, such as infidelity, and extrapolates them to the vastness of all hell. This film won’t make you rush to confession, nor will it make you give up any of your smaller scale sins, but it will make you think about what hell is, and remind you that you really don’t want to go there! Hellraiser is the perfect Halloween movie.

40 Halloween Movie Suggestions

Halloween is my favourite holiday. It’s the perfect time of year to get creative and come up with a scary, sexy or sickening outfit, and force yourself into all sorts of terrifying and surreal scenarios. Unfortunately, Halloween is grossly underappreciated and under-celebrated in England (at least that’s the conclusion I’ve come to). If you’ve had fun celebrating the pre-Halloween weekend, but want to spend the Monday holed up watching some tried and tested DVD’s, here are 40 film suggestions.

If you’re like me, you will just want to watch movies that will scare the bejesus out of you, but I’ve also included some movies that capture the enchanting and magical spirit of this holiday.

1.       Hocus Pocus

Before Sarah Jessica Parker was Carrie in Sex and the City, she was a Sanderson sister in Hocus Pocus. Three witches, hanged to death in Salem, Massachusetts, return on Halloween (of course) when a virgin lights a black candle. Their motivation? Eternal Youth and beauty. The sisters plan to absorb the life from the town’s children and live eternally. Two teenagers, Max and Allison (and Max’s Halloween mad sister Dani) assisted by immortal cat Thackery Binx are tasked with the not so easy mission of ensuring that the sisters do not get there way. This is the perfect Halloween family film combining humour and fantasy, but managing to be just spooky enough to give children their first taste of what the Halloween season is all about.

2.       The Saw Series

As a diehard Saw fan, there is no way that I could exclude this series from my list. Saw has been, in my view unfairly, labelled a lot of things; torture porn, all style and no substance, just a sequence of gory and gruesome traps, but there is actually a lot of intelligence and forethought in this series. It has to be said that the sequels grow progressively worse, so if you only have the patience for one Saw film, make it the first, a truly innovative and suspenseful movie that plummets the viewer into a sense of claustrophobia and immediacy in this race against the clock game for survival. 20^th century horrors tend to be pretty predictable, but the end will leave you genuinely surprised.

3.       Hellraiser

I’ve already written a lengthy review on Clive Barkers Hellraiser but this film is worth seeing. As a huge horror film fan, there’s nothing I’ve ever seen quite like it since. Hellraiser tells the story of Frank, a man magnetically drawn to the pursuit of pleasure, who solves a puzzle box that plummets him straight into hell. He is brought back to life by his brothers’ blood and relies on his brother’s wife, Julia, to provide him with the bodies that will replenish him. Unfortunately for Frank, the Cenobites of the puzzle box do not take kindly to people escaping them. Hellraiser is essentially a family drama with all the ingredients of a Greek tragedy or Shakespearian adventure, which manages to bring down on its own head the wrath of all hell.

4.       The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Capturing everything that is camp, kitsch and comedic about Halloween, the RHPC has been a Halloween staple for many years. A freshly engaged couple’s car breaks down and they find themselves having to seek help at the house of Dr. Frank-N-Furter. Everything else that happens after that pretty much makes no sense…or about as much sense as Alice and Wonderland, but its deliciously nonsensical and you will either love or hate the musical numbers that are rattled out at every opportunity.

5.       The Shining

Everyone has heard of the Shining, even if you’ve never seen it, and if you haven’t, Halloween is the perfect opportunity to witness how Stanley Kubrick brought Steven King’s novel to life. Jack Torrance takes a job as a caretaker at the Overlook Hotel, bringing with him his wife Wendy and son Danny. It is thought that the isolation of their surroundings will encourage Jack to write, but the Overlook hotel houses dark secrets and seems to bring out the worst in Jack. As winter sets in, the family find themselves trapped and Jack slowly begins to lose his mind.

6.       Se7en

Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman are two cops searching for a serial killer who tortures and mutilates his victims according to the seven deadly sins. This is a clever and crafty movie, deeply unsettling and with a real modern day grim gothic atmosphere.

7.       Casper

Who can forget the story of a paranormal expert and his weary daughter Kat as they move into Whipstaff Manor and find it to be populated with three rather obnoxious ghosts, Stinky, Stretch and Fatso – and finally Casper ‘the friendly ghost’. This is family fun at its finest, spooky, spell binding but also sad.

8.       Beetlejuice

Tim Burton has always brought something cartoonish and whacky even to his attempts at ‘horror’ and Beetlejuice is no exception. Recently deceased ghosts Adam and Barbara call upon the insane Beetlejuice to help them remove the human inhabitants from their home as soon as they realise that the cynical former city slickers aren’t quite attuned to the paranormal. Beetlejuice is a strange and surreal film (wait until you get to the dinner table scene) with a uniquely spooky style.

9.       The Witches

If you’ve ever devoured Roald Dahl’s books as a child, you will love this interpretation of ‘The Witches’. Following the unforeseen death of his parents, Luke and his grandmother stay at an English hotel, which just so happens to be holding the annual Witches Convention, where the Grand High Witch reveals her plans to transform all of earths children into mice. This film really captures the spirit of magic and adventure through a child’s eyes and is perfect for actual children and adult children alike.

10.   The Nightmare Before Christmas

I never know whether to class this film as a perfect Halloween or Christmas movie but it is essentially a blend between the two. Jack Skellington who lives in a world of eternal Halloween stumbles across Christmas and develops a fixation with it. He attempts to bring Christmas to Halloweentown but the concept falls a little flat. The visuals of this movie are sumptuous, the songs infectious and the characters bizarre and engaging.

11.   Antichrist

For something a little more morose, you might want to check out Lars Von Triers Antichrist. This is not the typical horror slasher movie; it’s far more psychological and demands a little more patience. A couple in mourning after the death of their only son retreat to their cabin in the woods to be close to the natural world and make peace with their circumstances but the infectious and evil state of the natural world begins to ingratiate itself into their existence.

12.   The Cell

The odd casting choices of Jennifer Lopez and Vince Vaughn are soon forgotten once the Cell gets going. An FBI agent lets herself lose into the head of a comatose serial killer in order to extract the whereabouts of his latest victim. The serial killers mind opens itself up as a Kingdom of twisted insanity. This is another ‘Alice down the rabbit hole’ saga where all is not what it seems. The dreamy, surreal quality of his nightmarish thoughts and the real time horror of the kidnap victim whiling away time in her prison mix perfectly to create a truly memorable movie.

13.   The Lost Boys

Michael and Sam move with their mother to a new town in California but begin to realise that the place is populated with teenage vampires. This film is super stylish, invigorating and pretty damn cool and should be one of the first you watch before you let the night degenerate with the more sick and freaky choices open to you.

14.   Candyman

Another Clive Barker offering, Candyman tells the story of Helen Lyle, who is completing a thesis on the urban legend of ‘the Candyman’, seemingly a creation of the poor citizens who dwell in the projects as an explanation for the inexplicable instances of violence that crop up repeatedly in their day to day life’s. The more engaged Helen becomes with her project, the more intertwined her and Candyman become.

15.   Addams Family Values

Who can think of Halloween without fondly remembering the Addams family? There are lots of films to choose from but my personal favourite is the one listed, in which the family attempt to rescue a besotted Uncle Fester from the clutches of the beautiful but money grabbing Debbie.

16.   Scream

Scream – subversive, satirical and god damn scary. Drew Barrymore falls victim to the ghost face killer and soon the entire town of Woodsboro is on lockdown in case the killer comes for them next, so what do they do? Throw a party of course. Scream sends up everything that is stereotypical and stagnant about the horror movie genre but still manages to be surprising and sensational. None of the subsequent Screams seems to capture the astuteness of the first, and Neve Campbell as Sidney, might just be the most likeable horror protagonist ever.

17.   The Craft

The Craft ever so slightly reminds me of Heathers. It’s the story of new girl Sarah who makes friends with a trio of high school outcasts. The girls each have their own personal problems to deal with and turn to witchcraft to find the solutions. What begins as harmless fun naturally takes on a darker significance, particularly in the hands of the damaged and disturbed Nancy who seeks not only retribution for those who have committed wrong doings against her, but absolute power.

18.   The Exorcist

The Exorcist is one of the most well known horror movies and tells the story of Regan, a young girl who is possessed by a demon. Her mother desperately calls upon the assistance of the exorcist to cast out the demon who has transformed her from a sunny girl into a bad mouthed contortionist. Although many of the scenes look dated now, there is still a very creepy vibe to the Exorcist and it is well worth watching.

19.   A Nightmare on Elm Street

Freddy Krueger is one of horrors most iconic movie villains – a fearless wiseass who in life murdered children and was in turn murdered by a lynch mob of furious and vengeful parents. Freddy finds revenge though, by attacking the children of his condemners in their most vulnerable state – in their dreams. A Nightmare on Elm Street has since spawned an endless array of sequels but the first conjures perfectly feelings of helplessness and will make you terrified of going to sleep!

20.   Psycho

Everyone’s heard of Psycho, most media studies students have dissected it and a helluva lot of TV shows have referenced it. Hitchcock’s ‘Psycho’ is a hybrid movie that eventually settles on horror and takes some ambitious and quite unique risks in its telling of the tale. Norman Bates is the motel owner who can’t quite cut the umbilical cord with mummy, with terrifying consequences.

21.   Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Another Tim Burton film makes the list, this time with Sweeney Todd – the terrifying tale of a man who loses his wife and child and is locked away for a crime he did not commit. Upon his release, twisted, tarnished and tortured by thoughts of revenge, he sets up his own barbershop and seeks to turn the tables on the Judge who took everything from him. Sweeney is so caught up in his own victimhood that he doesn’t even realise until it’s too late that he has become the antagonist of this unsettling but beautifully told tale. A dark musical, perfectly casted and highly memorable.

22.   The Midnight Meat Train

Another film taken directly from the mind of Clive Barker, The Midnight Meat Train is a movie myself and a friend stumbled in to when nothing else was on, but we were pleasantly surprised. A photographer stumbles upon an unpleasant secret as he takes the last train home and witnesses the same man murdering passengers night after night. A thrilling conspiracy movie that gets slightly silly towards the end but is still mighty enjoyable.

23.   Dread

Another Clive Barker movie here (can you tell I have a thing for his stuff?). Every student wants to come up with a unique idea for a thesis – the students of Dread are no different. They decide to start researching peoples deepest darkest fears but one of the group attempts to take the experiments even further. This is a pretty disturbing movie that left me feeling pretty mortified afterwards – just right for Halloween you might say.

24.   Devil

Getting trapped in a lift is bad enough but for this unlucky bunch, things get a whole lot worse once they realise that the devil is amongst them. Supposedly, the devil wanders the earth and now and again enjoys masquerading in human form in order to punish damned souls before he claims them. This movie was not particularly popular and received a lot of bad press, but it’s a simple and effective tale. It’s also quite fun trying to guess which of the trapped group might be housing Satan himself.

25.   The Blaire Witch Project

Three amateur film makers head out to make a documentary about the legend of the Blaire Witch. Armed with cameras and camping out, things begin to get stranger and scarier until the group are finally separated. The style of filming gives this film a very authentic, genuine feel but it is best watched in the early hours of the morning in an unlit room with your head gingerly poking out over the covers if you want to grasp the full effects.

26.   Orphan

Orphan is another movie which offers up a pretty ingenious twist. Esther is adopted by a husband and wife desperate for another child. At first, she is the picture perfect kid; polite, slightly eccentric, artistic and charming, but Esther has an odd and shocking secret. If you didn’t have a chance to catch this movie upon its first release – now is the time!

27.   IT

Straight from the mind of Stephen King, IT is possibly the first story to introduce us to the concept of the creepy clown. Pennywise is a demonic child killer who plagues the life’s of the ‘loser club’ first in their childhoods and secondly as adults. This is half a coming of age tale and half a horror but it is pretty enjoyable to see where this one is going to go, and many scenes are genuinely unsettling, particularly when framed against the backdrop of the bonds of the children (excellent casting ensures that the friendships are believable which only adds gravitas to the story).

28.   The Human Centipede (First Sequence)

Much has been said about Tom Six’s Human Centipede – a lot of it derogatory. A mad scientist decides to create for himself the perfect pet, by connecting three strangers in order to make himself a human centipede. This film is every bit as bizarre and as bad taste as it sounds but true horror is surely supposed to present us with ideas that are completely distasteful and that is what Tom Six manages to do.

29.   Let the Right One In

The Swedish story of Oscar, the young boy who befriends a vampire, this is a bittersweet love story, as much as it is a horror, and is definitely worth a look before you check out the American remake.

30.   Braindead

Before Peter Jackson blew up as a big name when he directed the LOTR series, he liked to make low budget horrors like Braindead. A comedy horror, Lionel is a mummy’s boy and so when she turns into a zombie, he does his best to ensure its kept quiet, but unfortunately an epidemic of sorts causes things to get out of hand. This is a really funny movie (but also pretty gross).

31.   Funny Games

Funny Games is quite frankly, a weird film that tips all of your horror/thriller expectations on their head. Nothing much happens, and yet everything happens. Two eccentric young men, very much the tweedle dee and tweedle dum of horror, take a family hostage and torment them for 24 hour duration with no motivation and no purpose. This film shatters all of horrors conventions but won’t be to everyone’s tastes.

32.   The Descent

All good horror movies manage to evoke a physical reaction. The Descent manages to rouse feelings of claustrophobia, distress and real panic, as a caving expedition goes wrong in every way imaginable. You would think the idea of being stuck in an underground labyrinth of caves would be terrifying enough, but the party is also being stalked by a bizarre breed of predators. This is a film that offers little to no relief and is a truly harrowing venture into madness.

33.   The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

For me, this is one of the best as it truly captures blind terror and sheer panic, as well as genuine madness. It’s got all the hallmarks of the typical horror story, but being one of the first, this effort feels sincere and innovative. A group of friends on a road trip to the Deep South end up meeting a family of psychotic cannibals who send them on a torturous journey into the heart of insanity. There is something truly maniacal and atmospheric and Sally’s screams will still be ringing in your ears long after the films finish.

34.   Perfect Blue

Who’d have thought anime could be scary? Mima is a successful singer with a legion of devoted fans. When she tries to cross over into the world of acting, she begins to experience the darker side of fame as reality and delusion, sense and paranoia begin to mingle together. You have to be paying attention to make sense of how this one ends.

35.   Insidious

One of the more recent films to make my list, Insidious comes to us from the makers of Saw. My theatre was littered with jittery, hyped up kids, who fell deathly silent when the film delivered its first shock. This is an old haunted house horror that concentrates the very best of its type with new and unique thrills, jumps and twists. Count the number of times this movie makes you jump!

36.   Carrie

Carrie is a social outcast, bullied and belittled both at school and by her fanatically religious mother. Carrie soon finds that she has a talent for telekinesis which is awoken when she begins her menstrual cycle. One cruel blow from a classmate is all it takes to tip Carrie over the edge. This campy, comical film delivers something pretty special.

37.   Scary Movie

If you’re not a big fan of being scared, but don’t really want to miss out on the spirit of the season, then check out Scary Movie. It will pay homage to all your favourite scary movies by sending them up outrageously. Scary Movie focuses on satirizing Scream, which ironically satirized everything else. Scary Movie 2 is also well worth a watch, but everything past that begins to lose its way.

38.   Interview with the Vampire

Lestat is a vampire who, desperate for a companion, transforms Louis into one as well. Louis doesn’t take well to vampirism and feeds on a young girl named Claudia, who is in turn bestowed with the dark gift. The three form a happy family of sorts until Louis and Claudia grow to despise living with the cruel and calculated bully that is their maker and seek to escape him, but as they uncover a coven of vampires posing as actors posing as vampires, they realise that even the eternally immortal cannot outrun their pasts.

39.   Switchblade Romance

The French do horror well and Switchblade Romance is no exception. Marie and Alexa visit Alexa’s rural home but the illusion of peace and serenity is shattered when a killer, seemingly without provocation, begins to decimate their serene escape. This movie offers up a really unexpected twist and will leave your nerves jangling along the way.

40.   Halloween

This film, as the title suggests, was made for Halloween consumption. An institutionalised killer is on the loose just in time for Halloween and he has his sights set on the neighbourhood of Haddonfield. This film secured Jamie Leigh Curtis’ prized place as a ‘Scream Queen’.

What movies would you suggest for Halloween?

16 Unique Halloween Outfit Ideas For Girls

If you happen to see a spate of playboy bunnies, devils and witches flooding the streets, it’s probably Halloween (either that or Armaggedon). Its the perfect time to be creative and use our imaginations. Why then do we always drag out the same tried and tested outfits in a completely last minute.com effort? The more Halloween’s that pass by, the harder it is to find something ‘original’ to go as. Here are my suggestions for some lesser used costume ideas. You might have to spend the night explaining who/what you are to everyone you meet, but hey, it beats looking the same as everybody else!

1. Miss Argentina (Beetlejuice)

‘If I knew then, what I know now, I wouldn’t have had my little accident!’

Red hair, green skin, beauty pageant sash – Miss Argentina is pretty hot for a member of the undead. Why then does NOBODY ever dress up as her? Maybe I’m just going to the wrong parties…

You will need LOTS of body paint for this character, a pretty short and snazzy outfit and some suicidal slashes on your wrists to complete her ‘delicious…but dead’ kind of look.

2. Dead Disney

‘Now its no wonder that her name means beauty – her looks have got no parallel!’

Drag out your favourite Disney character…and throw tons of blood all over your self! You could be a Disney vampire, zombie, mutant, ghost, killer or alien. Was Ariel the victim of a serial killer? Did the Lost Boys go crazy and start stabbing everyone? Did Jasmine run into an axe? Was the Beast a little bit of a maniac after he got with Belle? Get creative with what happened after the ‘happily ever after’ of your favourite fairy tales. This idea might be taking off a little bit but there’s no limit to what  torments you can dig up for your Disney character.

3. Dead Celeb

‘Happy birthday…Mr President’

Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, Liz Taylor…add some glamour to your Halloween by dressing up as your favourite deceased celebrity…and then making it pretty obvious that they’re dead. There are quite a lot of ‘dead celeb’ club nights about for Halloween but few people really embrace the theme. Of course, as the ranks of the undead rise, you will have plenty of options to choose from.

4. The Grady Twins (The Shining)

‘Come play with us, Danny’

There’s always been something a little disconcerting about twins…but the Shining sisters probably take the cake. Massacred by their father, they wander the halls of the Overlook tormenting Danny. You don’t necessarily need to be a twin to pull off this look, but undoubtedly it helps. It’s also preferable if you just stand side by side all night in doorways and maybe en route to the toilet or garden to creep people out. If you aren’t English, try working on your accent. Stand by the front door and say ‘Forever and ever and ever’ to each new guest that pops by.

5. Claudia (Interview with the Vampire)

‘But it means something else too doesn’t it? I shall never, ever grow up’

Claudia is woefully underrepresented on this night of the year. All you need for her look is some fangs, mad curly hair or ringlets and a nice old-fashioned frock. Claudia gets to wear some pretty elaborate and magnificent dresses so if you like the old world look you can really go to town.

6. Female (Hellraiser)

‘Not leaving us so soon, are you?’

Anyone that could pull off this look would find it very hard to find a party that would actually let them in on Halloween as this is probably the most horrifying of them all. God knows how anyone would really pull this one off; lots of leather and S&M style stuff, with a VERY pale face and some dark contact lenses. However you want to mutilate yourself to suitably present yourself as the scary Cenobite depends on the depravity of your own imagination.

7. Evil Alice (American McGee’s Alice)

‘You’ve gone quite mangy, cat…but your grin’s a comfort’

This one is made for brunette Alice in Wonderland fans everywhere. If you can’t pull off a blonde wig – don’t. American McGee’s Alice is holed up in an insane asylum after her parents are burned to death in their home and she revisits the warped landscape of Wonderland, unrecognisable from her childhood. The Alice outfit is easy to get your hands on. Team it with black boots, a fake knife and heavily made up dark eyes.

8. Veruca Sally (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)

‘Don’t care how, I want it now!’

She’s not ‘evil’ in the traditional sense but she is a ‘bad egg’. I’ve always thought this outfit is understated but interesting and she is essentially NEVER represented. Get yourself a red dress, black belt and a bad attitude like a christmas elf gone wrong.

9. A female slant on a male character

There are a lot of really interesting evil male characters and villains: Pinhead, Ghost Face, Freddy Krueger, Jafar…the list is endless. Pick your favourite psycho and give the look a female twist.

10. Carrie

‘It was bad, Mama. They laughed at me’

Carrie is the ultimate prom Queen gone wrong, and yet she isn’t a very popular outfit choice. Maybe people are worried about the amount of fake blood they’d have to invest in. You’ll need your best, most virginal prom dress…and then you’ll need to ruin it, by dousing yourself in blood.

11. School Pupils (Battle Royale)

‘And so our compulsory education was coming to an end’

This is one for the boys, as much as the girls. Get yourself a Japanese style school uniform and then get each member of your party to represent the different grisly deaths that each student meets; stick an axe in your head, get yourself some gun shot wounds…you know the drill.

12. The Grand High Witch (The Witches)

‘I hope nobody else is going to make me cross today’

Pre or post transformation, the Grand High Witch cuts a pretty imposing figure. You’ll want to be elegant and regal in her human form with some purple contact lenses thrown in for good measure. For her revealed look, you’ll just want to look batshit scary.

13. Princess Lily (Legend)

‘Are you afraid to kiss me, Jack?’

Part of the fun of dress up is putting an evil slant on an innocent character. Legends Princess Lily is the ultimate sweet and angelic pretty Princess until her wonderful transformation at the end. You’ll need lots of black makeup to reinvent this gothic look.

14. Blaze (Streets of Rage)

Blaze isn’t the bad girl – she’s actually one of the good guys, but her outfit is just that damn cool that SOMEONE needs to dress as her. For a strenuous Halloween link her outfit is blood-red. Get yourself some red leather and if you aren’t naturally endowed with one, give yourself a black beauty spot to recreate her look.

15. Unknown (Tekken)

Unknown has a look that is difficult to emulate. Possessed by a wolf demon she pretty much wanders around in purple goo with gold shiny eyes, but she does have a second wardrobe;  wandering around barefoot in a gray dress with chains around her ankles. It might not be an easy look to perfect, but you’ll most certainly look unique and hardcore video game fans of Tekken will know who you are!

16. Harley Quinn (Batman)

‘Oh, come on, puddin’! Don’t you want to rev up your “Harley”? Vroom vroom!’

So long as you aren’t planning on using the bathroom, the jokers bit on the side is a pretty creepy but mesmerizing outfit to dazzle Halloween revellers.

Do you have any original Halloween outfit suggestions?

What’s the most unique thing you have dressed as for Halloween?

Thank you!!!

Thank you to everyone that has stopped by so far!!!!

If you have any comments, constructive criticism or ideas for anything that you would like to see on my blog, please just drop me a comment.

I hope you will continue to drop by.

Oh…and…

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Paranormal Activity 3

The Blair Witch Project and Cloverfield might have paved the way for the faux documentary style of film making, but the Paranormal Activity trilogy has exploded amongst horror fans and established itself as a firm franchise. Like The Blair Witch Project, PA3 draws on the concept of ‘found footage’ after the events have taken place. For fans of the first and second instalments, the third (and
presumably not final) takes us back to the origin of the supernatural presence in 1988 that stalks the Rey sisters, Katie and Kristi.

I’m not quite sure what the obsession is with certain tried and tested horror movie staples; the adorable cherubic squabbling sisters, kids ‘drawing their feelings’ (always overlooked by the otherwise coddling parents – Insidious, The Ring, Orphan anyone? – all I’m getting from this is that art cannot lie…someone oughta tell that to the writers of PA3) and the perilous concept of the imaginary friend (remember Regan’s trusted confident Captain Howdy in The Exorcist?). Nonetheless, these conventions seem to evoke something uneasy in audiences enough for them to be reused and relied upon…provoking reactions every time and PA knows this and brandishes them at every opportunity. All I know is that the ‘creepy kids’ angle is possibly the best marketing strategy for birth control ever.

PA3 tells the story of Kristi’s imaginary friend ‘Toby’ who she seems to be on relatively friendly terms with. Toby makes frequent contact with Kristi, who seems receptive to him, and the two share secrets (he also attends her tea parties). Her mother Julie thinks that Toby is harmless childhood nonsense and sister Katie finds it childish and worthy of ridicule. Only step father Dennis thinks that there is something ominous and sinister to this Toby character, particularly as bizarre instances appear to
have begun occurring around the house ever since Kristi acquired her new chum. Naturally, in true PA style, Dennis decides to set up his video camera and begin filming the day to day occurrences
in the house. Gradually, the footage builds, and creepy occurrences become more unexpected and chilling. Toby’s intentions change from being maliciously playful to having a far more insidious, focused intent. He finally bribes Kristi to fulfil his bidding and in doing so, the film takes a darker, reflationary turn, as past family secrets come to light, but only partially.

The territory is familiar and feels formulaic by now. Certain scenes are direct repetitions from the earlier films. In many ways, PA is allowed to do this to some extent because it establishes the
demons presence, habits and hallmarks. We never truly understand who or what ‘Toby’ is or what his motivations and intentions are. PA3 leads us to some pretty insightful leads and we can certainly
grasp at some fanciful conclusions by piecing together the hints and clues from the earlier films. Nonetheless the answer is never explicitly spelled out for us, and so the character of ‘Toby’ remains an unexplainable, demonic presence. None of the secrets are fully divulged which makes PA3 ambiguous and also mildly frustrating for those that were hoping for a neat and tidy ending.

The movies are thoughtfully casted and the actors reactions feel genuine and authentic, particularly those of Kristie and Katie who perfectly capture the curiosity, naivety and terror of childhood. They are able to suspend their disbelief to some extent because of the power of their magical thinking. The parents themselves, Julie and Dennis are very likeable and glamorous although they make some questionable choices i.e. allowing the girls to camp out in tents despite having concerns about the safety of their home. The father figures in PA movies always appear to draw the short stick so don’t get too attached to poor Dennis.

Fitting with PA style, there is always an ‘excuse’ to have the camera around; there is the contrived attempt to make a homemade porn vid (which had me rolling my eyes), filming the girls room to keep a log of the unexplained activity and recording conversations with the sisters in an attempt to discover what is happening, but there are some instances when the recording seems unnatural, for instance when Dennis is editing his footage. Nonetheless, it does feel as if we have stumbled into private family footage. Although the initial premise of the movies invited us to believe that this could potentially
have happened – it becomes harder and harder to stretch your sense of disbelief to accommodate the spiralling storyline and accept that all of these different families just so happened to videotape all of their experiences. The layout of the house is very open, enabling shocks to emerge from all angles and the camera is now positioned on a rotating fan which only adds to our sense of suspense and anticipation.

A huge criticism has been that many of the scenes included in the trailer are not present in the film itself and this is true. PA3 is guilty of false advertisement, promising chills and thrills that do not emerge from the expected places; instead we get an ironic take on a babysitter’s bedtime story, and a freaky ‘bloody Mary’ mirror scene. As such, the trailer isn’t really an accurate representation of what you’re going to ‘get’. There is nothing particularly groundbreaking about this film but diehard fans will be happy to learn more of the back-story and enjoy swapping theories about what’s really going on. These films certainly make you leap out of your skin when viewed on the big screen but I think they are more effective when watched in the ‘comfort’ of your own home, where they take on an eerie, immediate significance (it would also have saved me the cost of a £9 ticket).

The audience reactions were varied; I was sat low down in my chair, cowering behind my cardigan with expectation, but one of my friends was ‘bored’ and ‘over it’ and the other excited. Two movie goers claimed they felt cheated by the ending and one decided that the film clarified that women were essentially ‘batshit crazy’. All I’ll say is, don’t be surprised when you see the trailer for PA4, as this is a cash cow that, like the Nightmare on Elm Street or the Halloween movies is set to run and run, and potentially, get sillier and sillier.

Wuthering Heights

There are iconic lovers that seem to capture something of the nature of love; Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde, Jack and Rose, but none cut through the sentimentality and slush quite like Cathy and Heathcliff. These two have always been the wild and untameable beasts of the moors who in each other find an obsessive and dizzying equal that cannot be contained. Emily Bronte’s classic novel has faced countless adaptations and now it faces another, in the capable hands of Andrea Arnold. This is gothic love, without the fluff and sweetness of Hollywood rom-coms; these are hard, raw, real characters, who for me come the closest to representing the dark underbelly of our sweetest intentions. This is perhaps why it is one of my favourite romantic novels, and why it endures today, as a simple tale that packs a profound punch.

Arnold has made some interesting choices with her adaptation, the most obvious one being her
decision to cast Solomon Glave and James Howson as her leading man in both his childlike and fully grown forms. Initially, I had my doubts about this. This was not the Heathcliff I envisioned, and it seemed to make the dubious and vague nature of Heathcliffs ethnicity in the book stark and startling. It added a racial motive for me, which did not colour the books (pardon the pun). This isn’t Othello. It also gives Arnold the excuse to throw in the N word (as well as the C word and a few others), which for me felt like adding a spark of controversy for the sake of it, and did not suit the setting. I never envisioned the characters as saints, but the ‘effing and blinding’, did not suit my idyllic, picturesque vision of Bronte’s Yorkshire. Any objections I might have had to the choice of lead actors evaporated when the chemistry between the characters became apparent.

I don’t envy the person whose job it was to cast Cathy and Heathcliff. They have perhaps, the most insistent, passionate and all-consuming chemistry of all – not an easy thing to find and create between two actors. Nonetheless Arnold manages it, by pairing the striking Glave with mischievous Shannon Beer, as the two frolic as children. In adulthood, Howson reunites with Kaya Scodelario (only after a few scenes did I manage to place her face – its only Effy from SKINS!). Arnold is known for recruiting unknown talents and I believe Glave will emerge as one; he has a quiet, simmering intensity and a very memorable face. At times, his delivery feels wooden and inconsequential. By contrast, Howson (not my automatic choice) grew on me slowly as the film progressed, and Kaya might just carve out a career for herself yet!

The tone of the novel is captured perfectly. Life on the moors is savage and cruel and the cinematography of the ugly and the natural reflects this. Stark, bleak, hopeless – nature courses
unbound. The camera obsesses itself with animals colliding in pairs, clear symbols of the cacophony of the combining of Cathy and Heathcliff as horses whinny, corralled by their owners, birds soar and insects gather at window panes for escape. The camera rushes at us like the wind, spinning and whirring like a lover’s homemade video footage. By running on the moor, they are flying. This is a tactile film that captures taste, feel, touch – the camera languishes through Cathy’s autumn hair, Heathcliff bites his lip, the two lock hands in the squelching mud. These scenes are for the senses. This film is like being buried alive in the earth, agonizing to some, sensuous to others, as we are pushed directly into the flame of their candle. The symbols and alludes are clear – Cathy and Heathcliff are nature and are animalised. Even the colour choices are straightforwardly simple; Cathy rides in red, Heathcliff in black, Isabella in white. Some viewers might see this as a bit of ‘directing for dummies’ – I was quite enchanted by its easy style. Cathy is shown to be air, mercurial and flighty as the wind that ravishes the moors – her hair abounds all about her and she collects feathers belonging to the birds. By contrast Heathcliff is the steady, unmoved yet volatile fire – he can only burn dependably in the grate of the home with his love.

This story has always been one of love, and the destructive potential of our passions. If the animals
of the moor reflect the vivacity of the pairs love, then they can never truly be happy with the likes of Edgar and Isabella, who represent civilized, stable, dependable love, which though consistent and loyal, can never make us feel true exhilaration. Isabella and Edgar are subordinates to Cathy and Heathcliff, but when the childhood soul mates are together, they are true equals. There are not
many love stories today that capture this sort of true, natural equality where man and woman are one another’s confidant and counterpart. In adulthood Cathy may be conditioned to be the lady of the house, but Heathcliff becomes only more and more animal. I felt the suspense of their reunion – the anticipation, barely concealed tension, the reigned in desire to possess, know, clash. Blindingly bleak, this is the slow burning tale of a love, obsession and lust that is never allowed to be, but also one of the purest friendship and acceptance. Arnold manages to be unsentimental – sleek as a knife and bustling as the wind in bringing to life this refreshing take on an old tale, saturating and intoxicating us as we sink into the mud with them. Unfortunately, this adaptation does not have the endurance of the novel and won’t be one I will watch again.

You’ll like this if:

* You like a tale that takes its time  to be told i.e. Death in Venice

* You are a diehard Bronte fan

* You enjoy picking apart cinematography

You’ll hate this if:

* You are expecting Twilight

*  You are expecting Titanic

* You are expecting Claire Danes and Leo

Top 10 Movie Mermaids

There is something naturally silly about the torso of a woman merged with the lower half of a fish, and yet there is also something prevailingly dazzling and enchanting about the fabled mermaid, who has intrigued and captivated  audiences for a long time. Mermaids abound in literature, legend and folklore, and though there are many mermaid movies, there aren’t nearly enough. Here are some of the more interesting movie interpretations of these sensational creatures.

1. Hook

Peter Banning returns to Neverland to recapture the adventurous and sprightly spirit of his youth. He re-aquaints himself with the Lost Boys and pesky pirates, but also with the beautiful mermaids, depicted here as benevolent and frankly ‘free with the lovin’ types who return him to the world above the water with a whimsical kiss. This short scene really captures as a cameo the serene and ethereal nature of the mermaid. There design and makeup, though simple, shimmers and shines.

2. Peter Pan

Disney never disappoints with its maidens. Characters tend to be polarized as all good or all bad, and the mermaids as depicted here, are childlike, spiteful and jealous, and can afford to sit around all day combing their hair and looking pretty. They are happy to be reunited with piper Peter, but are a little more reluctant when it comes to Wendy, but its okay, they were ‘only trying to drown her’. They fit the traditional depiction of mermaids as gorgeous, unknowable and vacuous.

3. The Little Mermaid

Ariel, underwater princess and daughter of King Trident, sacrifices the life she knows to gain a human soul and the love of Prince Eric. The first mermaid I witnessed on film (this movie was released the year I was born), Ariel was unique amongst Disney princesses as a rebellious, free-spirited and unconventional soul, right down to her flame red hair and skimpy attire. Most little girls might dream of being princesses or make-believe that they are mermaids, but Ariel dreamed to be human. Disney doubters see the story of the Little Mermaid as the tale of a young girl who sacrifices her independence and individuality to give herself over to a life of convention and tradition, but there is still something endearing about this story, which is the epitome of ‘the grass is greener on the other side’ syndrome.

4. Aquamarine

A mermaid with a valley girl twist, the consequence of two best friends wish to not be separated, Aquamarine is the ‘miracle’ that emerges as a result of their wish. She is able to take human form during the day so long as she makes no contact with water. She has arrived on land in order to understand the human emotion of love and quickly captures the attention of lifeguard Raymond. This is a fresh take on the mermaid story and interestingly depicts the mermaids fascination with humanity, which rivals that of mans preoccupation with the sea. Think ‘The Little Mermaid’ meets Clueless.

5. Splash

Everyone knows this mermaid movie. Daryl Hannah is Madison the mermaid, who befriends a young boy named Allen, and captivates him for all of his days until she reunites with him in adulthood. Unlike ‘typical tails’, which are quintessentially turquoise and relatively aquatic, Madison’s tail is reminiscent of that of a large goldfish jumping into the setting sun and is memorable because of it.

6. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

The saving grace of this otherwise dire movie, are the mermaids, who prove to be the scene stealers. Erotic, exotic…oh and flesh-eating, these mermaids lure men to their dooms, similarly to the sirens, and drag them to their deaths in the depths by coaxing them in with a kiss. These mermaids are both innocent and evil, captivating and crafty, but yet frustratingly underused in the movie and in the promotional material. Hopefully, Disney will catch on to the fact that the world needs more mermaids!

6. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

The merfolk of J K Rowling’s world are a complete reimagining. They lack the glamour, instead appearing as rather grotesque, and most certainly not wizard friendly. The merpeoples’ language exists as an ear-piercing screech above water, but appears as a lulling melody below. Any director when told that mermaids will be making an appearance in their movie, would be tempted to resort to the tried and tested clichés of the beautiful female mermaid (that is, after all, what most movie goers want to see). Not so in Harry’s world, where mermaids appear more androgynous and indecipherable. Harry has to venture into their world to conquer his second trial in the Triwizard Tournament.

7. Ponyo

Ponyo is Studio Ghibli’s imagining of the story of The Little Mermaid. Originating from a castle under the sea, Ponyo who is enlivened with great curiosity after a trip in her fathers submarine, slips away to see more of the world above the waves. Here, she befriends Sosuke and transforms into a human child.

8. Fishtales

Most men probably dream of seeing Kelly Brook embodying the role of a scantily clad mermaid. With this film, their fantasy can reach fulfilment. Here she portrays the stunning mermaid Nereid, who is in danger of being poached for her rather expensive tail. Like many mermaids before her, Nereid sacrifices her existence as a mermaid to become a human woman.

9. Peter Pan (2011)

The mermaids of the 2011 interpretation of Peter Pan are an unusual combination of sensuous and eerie, with their flame red hair (before Rihanna made it mainstream) and pale blue skin. The mermaids are aware of everything that occurs in Neverland and are notoriously evasive (somewhat different to the Disney mermaids, who enjoy a chat and catch up and act more like sorority sisters). The mermaids still have it in for Wendy (poor girl).

10. Night Tide

Slinky sailor Johnny Drake falls in love with Mora, who plays at being a mermaid for a living. As the film progresses, we cannot be sure if Mora really is a mermaid, or whether she is simply a little lost in her own fantasies. Mermaids don’t usually feature in thrillers, so this is well worth a watch.

10 Christmas Corkers (Essential Christmas Viewing)

Christmas is fast approaching (it’s just a few sleigh rides away you know…) and if you’ve exhausted yourself with eating mince pies, preparing seasonal recipes, decorating the house, ice skating, wrapping presents and *enter stereotypical Christmas activity here*, what better way to enjoy the cold weather than from the comfort of your own home beside the fire with these familiar classics and Christmas viewing suggestions (this is a rhetorical question). If you feel overloaded with sentimentality afterwards, you can always just kick over someone’s snow man (if it snows that is…)

Here are 10 films to kick start the holiday season:

1. Home Alone

Macaulay Culkin was a fundamental part of my childhood movie diet. He was my ‘greens and veg’ alongside Kirsten Dunst. He was Richie Rich, Miles, and Thomas J. Sennett. But first and foremost he was Kevin McCallister. With his angelic ‘top of the Christmas tree’ looks but troublesome attitude, Kevin manages to live out the situation that every child desires and dreads in equal measure: he gets left home alone – parentless! With his parents in Paris, Kevin enjoys his new found freedoms; he survives on a diet of ice cream and old movies, but it soon becomes clear that a pair of mismatched chancers have their sights set on their rather palatial Chicago home. Harry and Marv aka the wet bandits have noticed that Kevin is living all alone and begin to make advances on the house. What ensues is comedy, but also drama, because when I was a child watching this film, every inch of me was on edge waiting to see who would come out tops: the kid, or the big, bad grownups. This film is excellent at getting into the mindset of a frustrated and creative child who feels largely ignored and rejected by his parents in a crowded and bustling home. It’s hilarious, but also heart warming and it also inspired a generation of children to booby trap their homes should an invader drop by for the holidays. Last I heard the McCallister family home was actually on the market, so should you plan on moving to Chicago (and have a fair bit of money in your pocket); you might actually be able to watch this film from the very house it was set in!

2. Home Alone 2: Lost In New York

Mr and Mrs McCallister should be nominated for the parental equivalent of a Razzie for their truly lax parenting skills as they manage to leave Kevin behind for a second time. This time, they manage to get him as far as the airport, but Kevin ends up in New York whilst they stare out of rain soaked windows in Florida. The sequel follows the same formula as the first; Kevin exploits his liberated status in a glitzy New York hotel whilst relaying on the stonker of a story that his father is constantly caught up in business meetings, leaving him free to make the most of his credit card and as usual kick back and eat tonnes of ice cream and watch black and white films in his hotel room. The reality and gravitas of his situation sets in when he realises that the wet bandits have reinvented themselves as the sticky bandits and are planning on robbing Duncan’s Toy Chest on Christmas Eve. The hotel staff, ingeniously smarmy (there is an exceptional comedic turn from Tim Curry), are also on Kevin’s back when they discover there is no ‘dad on business’ and Kevin is  further intimidated by the locals that frequent the city, including what appears on first impressions to be a mad pigeon lady (every city has one). There is the same heart-warming comedy to be found as Kevin bats for survival, dishes it out to the bad guys and returns to the family fold, hopefully to never be left behind again. This is essential Christmas viewing if only to see the Big Apple all lit up for Christmas.

3. The Muppets Christmas Carol

This has always been my favourite Christmas film because ‘The Muppets’ themselves represent everything that Christmas itself stands for; friendship, acceptance and family. Existing as a motley crew of oddballs, eccentrics and rejects, the Muppets embrace one another as a hodgepodge of different characters who manage to mesh…somehow. This is a spirited venture which takes on the traditional English tale by Charles Dickens, relaying the stingy and spiteful character of Ebenezer Scrooge as he is visited on Christmas Eve by three spirits who each seek to provoke him to acknowledge a new way of life and embrace the holiday season. Michael Caine takes his turn as Ebenezer, the man who loathes Christmas and happiness and has a way of sucking the joy out of all he comes across, but this is a victorious and transformative film lead by Gonzo and Rizzo, with Kermit and Ms Piggy portraying the Cratchits. The ending is of course triumphant and bursting with joyful songs and true merriment, as well as a sense of frivolity, wonder and humour. Caine also considers this to be one of his finest roles, and given the man’s career, that is quite the accolade. You can catch a showing of this at the Prince Charles Theatre from the 16^th December to the 22^nd if you happen to be an English citizen and local to London. It’s quite astonishing to think that man made muppets can convey more emotion that some flesh and blood actors (coughKeiraKnightleycough).

4. Elf

Will Ferrell is a love him or loathe him kinda guy…which makes him perfect as the portrayer of Buddy the Elf; a sickly, sappy, soppy and absolutely loopy human being who stowed away in Santa’s sack as a child and was raised amongst the elves at Santa’s workshop. Buddy never truly acknowledges his human status until his superior height and inferior toy making abilities render him an obvious outsider. When he is returned to the human world (New York City of all places) his ignorance and naivety with regard to human civilisation mean that he makes just a few social faux pas (including ripping off the beard of a false Santa). Buddy reunites with his father, Walter Hobbs, played by James Caan, who is firmly on Santa’s naughty list. For me this was an ingenious (yes I’ll say that again, ingenious) casting choice because you can’t get any more different that Will Ferrell and James Caan. Caan manages to be perfectly exasperated and deadpan throughout. This is a film that strengthens the importance of prioritizing family over a hectic work schedule and also incorporates the positive properties of hope, belief and engaging with the wants and needs of our inner child from time to time.  In a society where Christmas is closely affiliated with consumerism and capitalism rather than peace and goodwill to all men, Buddy’s insane positivity ruffles a few feathers, but also gains him an unlikely love interest in the form of saucer eyed Zooey Deschanel as elf imitator Jovie.

5. The Nightmare Before Christmas

The eagle-eyed among you will recall that this film made a guest appearance on my recommendations for Halloween films entry. It is a difficult film to place as it boldly merges two very distinctive holidays. Despite the memorable Halloween styling and imagery, this film does incorporate a strong Christmas vibe. Jack, the Pumpkin King and most respected amongst his fellow Halloween Town citizens for his successful scares, becomes apathetic with his holiday and stumbles upon Christmas Town, which awakens a new sense of childlike wonder in Jack as he discovers snow and the concept of presents for the first time. Jack attempts to bring the Christmas Spirit to Halloween Town and give Santa a well deserved rest whilst taking his place. Unfortunately, good intentions collide with his misunderstanding of the Christmas Spirit and Christmas goes terribly wrong. He manages to reacquaint himself with his own holiday and accept his identity as a man of jeer, not cheer.

6. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (The Grinch)

Dr. Suess’ simple story is transported onto the screen in one of many countless renditions. Within a single snowflake exist the ‘who’s’ who inhabit ‘Whoville’, a joyous and merry place. Just beyond the reach of the ‘who’s’ lives the Grinch, a social outcast who despises Christmas and generally everything else. He can’t be described as a misanthrope precisely, because the Who’s aren’t specifically human, but there is no love lost between them. He isn’t happy enough being apart from them in essential exile; instead he plots to steal Christmas from the townspeople. It turns out that the Grinch is not simply naturally sadistic but instead a hardened and defensive victim of childhood torment and unrequited love – he fits the staple of the ‘Scrooge’ character that hardens himself in adversity and loses all sense of softness. Cindy Lou Who (who, would you believe, is played by Taylor Momsen) attempts to acquaint herself with the Grinch and help him recover his Christmas Spirit in what proves to be a long and arduous task.

7. The Santa Clause

This is any parent’s perfect Christmas film. Period. Tim Allen is Scott Calvin – a father who is desperately trying to assure his son that Santa is real and accidentally ends up killing Mr Clause on Christmas Eve. Much to his chagrin, he automatically becomes the ‘new’ Santa, begging the questions: how many fathers have accidentally killed Santa and had to step up to the plate, and what happens if a woman accidentally bumps Santa off? Scott’s encroaching transformation leaves him mortified but eventually he is able to muster up some festive cheer and build bridges with his ex-wife and her new partner Neil who have a terse (at best) relationship with one another. Allen steals the show here, perfecting the art of the grumpy father of Charlie and the festive Father Christmas, but I’d recommend watching this film simply for the ‘Neil’ jokes which fall fast and frequent and will rouse the spirits of any Christmas singletons, single parents or divorcees.

8. The Snowman

One suitably snowy Christmas Eve, a young boy creates a snow man that instantly comes to life and spirits him away on an air bound adventure to meet Santa himself. This classic Christmas tale includes no dialogue but features the angelic vocals of Peter Auty as he sings a song now unanimous with Christmas: ‘Walking in the Air’. This film is in keeping with all children’s ability to perform magical thinking and bring to life all of their deepest imaginings.

9. The Holiday

Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet play characters in dire straits who are both experiencing man issues in their native homelands. They decide that the solution might just be to switch locations to gain enough distance and a fresh perspective, so Amanda (Diaz) packs for Surrey and Iris (Winslet) departs for Los Angeles. Whilst away, they both manage to acquire new loves…even if it does seem rather unrealistic that Winslet should be paired with Jack Black. This is a cheerful holiday season film that depicts the sense of loneliness and isolation that being single during a period of traditional ‘togetherness’ can bring. Thankfully, in movie land, no-one ends up lonesome for long.

10. Monty Python’s Life of Brian

Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, so by incorporating this film, I am being potentially blasphemous. On the same night of Jesus birth, another child is born and mistaken for the Messiah; that babies name is Brian. What follows is a hilarious case of mistaken identity as the Pythons, known for their surreal, offbeat and generally hit-and-miss style of comedy, hit the ball out of the park with every joke. This is in my opinion, essential Christmas viewing, particularly if you are an atheist or agnostic but still enjoy the festivities of Christmas. This film incorporates none of the slush or sentiment that usually comes with seasonal movies, because essentially, it isn’t a seasonal movie at all (its far more of an Easter film), but it does have a very upbeat and inspirational message, encouraging individually, acceptance and open-mindedness. It might have caused a storm of controversy upon its release, but it can now be enjoyed (hopefully) as a funny film that took a chance and didn’t skirt around a potentially very thorny subject. Most importantly in my mind, it will make you laugh a real belly laugh that Santa would be proud of.

Watch this space for further suggestions…

A Career in Ten Movies: Tom Hardy

Every actor, whether they are churning out rehearsed lines in a waiting room fringed with competitors or bright eyed and bushy tailed fresh out of drama school, dreams of establishing an all encompassing career that enables them to play a wide spectrum of characters. One such actor whose star is set to rise in 2012 is Tom Hardy, a home grown British talent with a rough and ready streak which is reflected in the roles he has been offered. With the perfect mix of physical masculinity and ability to reflect heartfelt inner turmoil, Hardy has emerged as a hunk, an anti-hero and a villain. Here I look at ten of Tom’s most memorable roles:

1.       Wuthering Heights – Heathcliff

Certain roles present themselves as gifts to the actors that take them on. Heathcliff is one such character that comes steeped in tradition and expectation, in being a role that has been done to death but never really ‘captured’ in essence on screen. Many believe that Tom’s turn as the tortured and embittered lover comes closest. Though he speaks with a brawling Londoners accent, Tom managers to come over all ‘Yorkshire’ (and rather convincingly) and this is also the film that persuaded Tom to ditch his long term love interest and mother to his child and test out a new relationship with co-star Charlotte Riley, which adds a dimension of plausible reality to their simmering on screen chemistry. With his wild, windswept looks, Hardy brings an interesting quality to the bitter and brooding Heathcliff.

2. Warrior – Tommy Conlon

A role that Tom was born to play – gritty, grim and gruesome, Tommy Conlon is estranged from his family and harbours a few grudges against his brother and father. Little does he know he must battle brother Brendan in order to win a rather handsome fortune in a mixed martial arts competition. Tom perfectly becomes the brutal and unbalanced animal of a man that Tommy morphs into in the fighting arena, whilst managing with great sensitivity and grace, to depict the tender fragility of Tommy’s past whilst never losing the manly, masculine slant of his personality. The raw, wild tenacity of Tom’s adrenal performance established him as a man’s actor in one respect, but by capturing the heartache of Tommy’s tragic past, Tom secured himself as a favourite with the ladies. It didn’t hurt one bit that his shirt was off practically the entire time.

3. Inception – Eames

Inception is loaded with big movie star names – you’ve got Leo, you’ve got preggers from ‘Juno’, Michael Caine (who will forever be Scrooge to me), but Tom manages to own the character he is bestowed with and really hold his own. Eames is an identity forger who joins Cobb’s team as they perform the feat that is inception. The plot for me was crazier and more complex than a box of frogs attempting to knit a scarf but even with his role as a sideline character, Hardy demonstrates sincerity and naturalness in his performance.

 4. Bronson – Charles Bronson / Michael Peterson

That rough diamond London Boy gleam that Tommy boy gives off does not go unnoticed. Charles Bronson has been described as one of Britain’s most notorious criminals, having spent forty years in prison for his various crimes. If you’re looking for the bad boy with charm, Tom can most certainly deliver. He transforms in this role, to deliver a sneaky, sinister, slow paced way of speech that verges on the very cusp of insanity and psychosis. Bursting with effervescent personality, Hardy manages to be funny and frightening and even manages to look kinda sexy with that mammoth tash. This role single-handedly set Tom up for the many villainous roles he has been bestowed with since, as he adds a human touch to what could be construed as very black and white roles.

5. Star Trek: Nemesis – Praetor Shinzon

Tommy boy portrays a clone of the well known and well loved Captain Picard as all Star Trek fans will know. Possibly a good set up for his role as Tommy in Warrior, Shinzon is the ultimate test tube baby, brewed, bottled for a purpose and discarded when he is no longer of any use. The exchanges between Shinzon and Picard are memorable as Tom displays a growing confidence and command of his craft.

6. Layer Cake – Clarkie

This is a true all boys club bruiser of a film, so who better to cast than Tom, with those chavtastic charming looks? With a double first from Cambridge, Clarkie is in cahoots with Daniel Craig’s ‘XXXX’ as a supplier of cocaine. The film takes an interesting angle and you really have to pay attention to delve into the layers of society and its criminal underbelly that seems to permeate through all classes and spheres. ‘Clarkie’ is not a huge role but Tom establishes himself as ‘generic bored and suave criminal’ rather well. This was the first film I witnessed Hardy in and it’s amazing to see how far his career has since spanned.

7. Scenes of a Sexual Nature – Noel

Tom’s career could have gone in a very different direction had he followed the rom-com route, but this seems to be one of his few forays, as various strangers meet and mingle in a Hampstead Heath park. Tom is gawky, awkward and a little cringy as he attempts to pick up the ladies (which must have been a real stretch for him), but there is something quite endearing and disarmingly sweet about him as a ‘park dwelling creep’. I for one am glad he took the route of badassery.  There is definitely a place for him should the chiselled, hot damn sexy thing fail to work out for him.

8. RockNRolla – Handsome Bob

Once you’ve been in one movie that explores London’s intricate criminal underworld, chances are, you’ll probably be in them all. Directors tend to get all nostalgic and whimsical about home-grown English criminals and they love a bit of banal, bad boy banter. Naturally, Tom has a place here with his half cocky, half naive eyes. As part of the ‘Wild Bunch’, Handsome Bob does a lot of smoking and swearing. The interesting twang to Hardy’s character is that in the smack talking, gun toting world of crazy crime – a world that just screams MANLY MEN – Handsome Bob is a closeted homosexual harbouring a massive crush on member One Two (well he is played by Gerard friggin’ Butler).

9. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy – Ricki Tarr

By now, Hardy has established himself as ‘one of the boys’ so no doubt calling on his experience from earlier bit roles in Layer Cake and RockNRolla, Tom is yet another part of a complex crime puzzle. Tom is fairly unrecognisable as a blondie and without giving away too much of this intricate espionage movie (for those who haven’t seen it) he plays his part well.

10. The Dark Knight Rises – Bane

Fair enough this film has not been released yet, but I just know that this film will do for Hardy what the Dark Knight did for Heath Ledger. Not much is known of Bane’s character, although we do know that he is Batman’s new adversary eight years after the events of the Dark Knight and Batman has somewhat lost his edge after the tragic death of Harvey Dent.  Hardy became a sheer machine for the filming of this movie, bulking up to great effect and has explained that he wishes to portray Bane as a ‘menacing’ character. Tom certainly looks the part, but he is sure to become it too, promising that Bane will be an exhilarating antagonist with a brutal and unforgiving vendetta against Gotham City.

A Career in Ten Movies: Kirsten Dunst

Child stars have an uncertain fate. At best they fall into irrelevance and their careers die a remote and reluctant death. Some accept this blithely, like seagulls flying out to sea, looking back on their superstardom as a dream. At worst, they degenerate into a drink and drugs free fall like a skydive into hell (Lindsay Lohan anyone?). But some child stars weather the storm and somehow emerge the other side of adolescence relatively trauma free and with a glittering career trailing out behind them like a peacock’s tail. Kirsten Dunst is one such star, and though for a while it may have seemed that she had flourished in childhood and was merely floundering in light and un-challenging roles thereafter, she has since made a much welcome return in a film that shows some of her earlier, ‘side tracked’ promise finally being pushed to the fore. Its time to delve into ten memorable roles from one of my favourite child stars, the divine Ms Dunst, who has the appeal of being the sunshine starlet, with darker, deeper substance:

1. Interview with the Vampire – Claudia

This was Kirsten’s ‘break through’ role at the tender age of ten, the role with which, without, there might have been no Kirsten. This was an explosive start for the young actress in her role of Claudia, the child vampire, transformed by ‘parents’ Lestat and Louis, part of Lestat’s diabolical scheme to bind Louis to him eternally. To make a child vampire is to break the rules because to trap an ageing spirit, soul and mind in the body of a child is rather than being some Peter Pan like miracle, a type of torture. Sure enough, after coming across a beautiful creole woman, Claudia grows to resent the limitations of her childlike physicality and begins to despite her surrogate parents, whilst plotting revenge on Lestat. She finds herself committing one of the worst sins imaginable for a vampire: killing her maker, and is locked away with fledgling Madeleine as punishment, who having lost her own child, wishes to care for Claudia, who is harbouring fears that her beloved Louis will leave her for the more worldly Armand who tempts him away with secrets of their origin. Kirsten is truly beyond her years in this role, capturing the hopeful and blind acceptance of youth that enable her to be a manipulative and cunning killer, the fury and frustration of adolescence and the cynical, hopeless boredom of adulthood that stretches on forever. Not only did she receive a golden globe nomination for the part, she also got to kiss Brad Pitt, although she was far too young to be suitably impressed…

2. Little Women – Little Amy

After assuring everyone she really can play a ‘little woman’ in her portrayal of Claudia, Kirsten won the role of ‘younger Amy’ in the movie adaptation of the novel ‘Little Women’ alongside a troupe of other cast members who grew up to have cataclysmic careers. The film follows the trials and tribulations of the March sisters in the aftermath of the American civil war. Kirsten manages to capture Amy’s romantic and idealistic spirit in childhood and looks cuddly and adorable throughout.

3. Jumanji – Judy

Jumanji was one of my favourite childhood films. It had everything: suspense, fear, monkeys and mischief, all contained and controlled by the throw of the dice as siblings Peter and Judy find themselves inadvertently freeing Alan Parrish (who was sucked into the game as a child) and having to continue to the bitter end in order to be rid of the game forever. If you want monkeys riding motorbikes, stampedes, monsoons and mosquitoes, then this film will certainly keep you entertained. Kirsten manages to hold her own with some pretty big names and establishes herself as a certified movie cutie. I think this film was Kirsten’s very own ‘Home Alone’, securing her in the minds of many as a nostalgic part of many adults childhoods.

4. Kiki’s Delivery Service – Kiki

Kirsten might not lend her appearance to this role, but she does lend her melodious voice to the part of witch Kiki (ironically one of Kirsten’s nicknames). This film has Miyazaki’s distinctive style slathered all over it from the bright and chirpy landscapes to the intriguing cast of characters. Witches traditionally must live alone for a year at the age of thirteen and so Kiki travels far from home to Koriko with her black cat Jiji. In order to support herself financially she starts up her own delivery service (hence the film’s title). Miyazaki’s films always have a strong moral centre and this one most certainly encourages innovation and independence, particularly amongst young women. Kiki’s year off is littered with peaks and troughs but everything works out in the end and she decides to make Koriko her permanent residence. Miyazaki once famously claimed that children should watch just one movie a year and that movie should refuel their curiosity and encourage them to go out into the world and make memories. This might not be the only film you watch all year, but it should be one of them.

5. Small Soldiers – Christy Fimple

Kirsten establishes herself as ‘underage eye candy’ as cutie-patootie girl next door Christy, the object of Alan Abernathy’s affections. The two ‘would be lovers’ find themselves caught between Gorgonites and the Commando Elite, two sets of warring military themed action figures. If you want to watch Kirsten being attached by dolls and riding a motorbike, you’ll find all that and more here. This is the role in my opinion that for a while ‘doomed’ Kirsten to the sweet and fluffy girl next door parts, and though she shimmers in the role thanks to her all American girl looks, we all know she has far more substance than that!

6.The Virgin Suicides – Lux Lisbon

Lux is the perfect girl next door with a twist and this is the second role after Interview with the Vampire that gives her the opportunity to portray a darker style of teenager. In this mystery that is concluded in the title, the Lisbon sisters take their own lives in unison following the successful suicide attempt of youngest Cecilia and the film simply tells the tale from the perspectives of the neighbourhood boys who loved them, without really examining why. The daughters are beautiful and privileged but suffocated by their small town life and over zealous, fanatically religious parents. Lux is the most blinding of the daughters, androgynous, indefinable, indecipherable, she turns to chain-smoking and promiscuity on the roof after her high school romance with dream boat high school hunk Trip Fontaine falls to pieces and he leaves her cold and alone on the football field after doing the deed. This is a surreal, dreamy tale, deeply unsettling and melancholic that captures all of the paraphernalia and cotton candy inconsistency of young girls on the cusp of becoming women. Blurring the boundaries between the girls innocence and their growing worldliness, the tone of this film is uneasy and disconcerting, but certainly memorable and impenetrable, as we never really understand the sisters motivations for departing this world.

7. Drop Dead Gorgeous – Amber Atkins

You might be noticing a theme emerging here; blonde, blue-eyed, dimpled Kirsten is the maddeningly unattainable girl next door that every boy wants and every girl likes. In Drop Dead Gorgeous, a comedy that falls somewhat flat, she is entered into a beauty pageant with a smattering of other memorable faces i.e. Denise Richards, but the contestants are taking things somewhat seriously, in their attempts to be crowned most beautiful. Styled as a mockumentary, the girls battle it out in the rather elaborately titled: Sarah Rose Cosmetics Mount Rose American Teen Princess Pageant.

8. Crazy/Beautiful – Nicole

This is an interesting take on a love story that blurs the boundaries that exist between ethnicity, culture and class. This relationship is doomed to fail in every way, so polarised are the two romantic leads, and yet somehow their love affair seems to survive (or reach the end credits at least). It’s unusual to see Kirsten play the rebellious one in the relationship and deviate entirely from her cookie cutter image.

9. Marie Antoinette – Marie Antoinette

Sofia Coppola produces a crayola world of colour in this retelling of the life of the French Queen Consort (and it takes a whole hell of a lot of artistic licence when it comes to historical accuracy). Kirsten manages to be adorable, precocious and entirely hedonistic as she enjoys the car crash of luxury and extravagance. History mingles with the MTV generation as Marie is portrayed as a more charismatic Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian. Of course, a life lived with such reckless abandon can’t go on forever especially as the French revolution draws near.

10. Melancholia – Justine

Von Triers movies are mirrors into the innermost workings of his dark and morbid soul. Indeed the insides of his brain must look like a musky old attic. Nonetheless, although he doesn’t exactly make the malady of melancholy mainstream, there is something eerily and obtusely beautiful about Lars perception of the world through the filter of depression. Despite the fact that she was portraying Lars distinctive experience of depression, she surely connected on some level with her own earlier experiences, for which she attended rehab. Melancholia marks a welcome return for Kirsten who is refreshing as Justine, the bride who has everything (much like Dunst) on a surface level, but who cannot find fulfilment or contentment.  Her bleak, flat portrayal was streaked through with real notes of hysteria and a profound if nihilistic view of life in her portrayal of Justine in the midst of a depressive episode, but she still manages to sparkle and shine as the ‘happier’ Justine, still parading her mask of ‘normality’. its unusual to see Kirsten, despite a couple of darker earlier roles, in anything less than bright and beautiful because she suits those roles to a T thanks to her sunny, positive disposition and All American girl ways. This is why she is so suitable to play such a contrasting role, because she shows us that anyone can suffer from depression, no matter their social standing or accomplishments.  Anyone who thought this was the end of Kirsten’s career, after Spider man is set to be rebooted, is in for a shock.

Here are a few of Kirsten’s roles that didn’t make the list, but are still worth a watch:

* Bring it On – Torrance Shipman

Snarky cheerleaders face off to be the best. Unfortunately for ‘The Torros’ their former squad leader has swiped their ‘winning routine’ from a group of rival competitors. The girls must put a rough and ready routine together in order to stand a cats chance in hell of victory.

* Get Over It – Kelly Woods

Girl dumps boy, boy enters play, boy begins to fall for new girl – that’s the 1-2-3 synopsis of ‘Get Over It’. Of course, Kirsten is the new girl who begins to steal his affections away from his heartbreaking ex.

* Spider-Man – Mary Jane Watson

She might not be the obvious choice for Mary-Jane, but she is the cute girl next door type. The Spider Man series is undergoing a recent reboot, but there are still memorable moments to tune in for, such as the upside down kiss (as pictured).

* Mona Lisa Smile – Betty Warren

Back in the traditional 50′s, a free thinking arts professor decides to try to shake loose the Wellesley girls. Betty is harder to break than most, as she has her heart set on the conventional life of a picture perfect wife. When her husband commits adultery, she slowly begins to transform into her true self. It was through staring alongside Maggie G, who spent the duration of the film ‘Secretary’ crawling across the floor with an envelope in her mouth, that Kirsten was introduced to future love interest, Jake G.

* How to Lose Friends and alienate People – Alison Olsen

A British journalist makes it as a big shot after endless attempts but finds it hard to fit in with all the shiny, sparkly stars that now form the bulk of his social circle. Kirsten plays his eventual love interest, when he can finally ease off the sheen projected by Megan Fox’s character.

* Wimbledon – Lizzie Bradbury

A high-ranking tennis pro slowly finds himself falling down the tables. His interest in rising star Lizzie, helps him rekindle his love for the game.

* Elizabethtown – Claire Colburn

Kirsten gets to sizzle alongside Orlando Bloom as the two embark on a love affair during bizarre circumstances.

* Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Mary

This story belongs to Jim Carey and Kate Winslet, as Joel and Clementine, the couple who wish to erase all memories of their traumatic love affair from their minds. Kirsten’s side story is that she is being chatted up by a man who is mimicking all of Joel’s moves to woo Clementine. She might also have had a turn on the old memory erasure machine herself for having a fling with her married boss…

Melt Your Moods With Music!

Music is a pretty powerful tool and sometimes when the world gets too much, zoning out and tuning into a tune is all that’s needed to make everything well again. Here are some songs that I think suit some common (and some particularly random) moods:

When you need to get away: Frank Sinatra – New York

If the ‘little town blues’ are getting you down, you can dream big on this song and start planning your worldwide adventures and escapades. I don’t know how many trips I’ve booked on the back of listening to this. If you already live in New York and hate it, either get a little more patriotic or don’t bother with this one. This song always sends shivers down my spine and makes me antsy for the big wide world!

When the glass is half empty: Monty Python – Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

There’s not much worse than being crucified right? So if these guys can find something to sing about, we surely can put our blues to one side! Aside from being an incredibly hilarious and life affirming film, the ending song really will have you whistling and head bobbing along. After all – we never have it that bad.

When you’re in need of some energy: BoA – Energetic

K-Pop Queen BoA, aka best of Asia, released an American album back in 2009 that didn’t really make a huge impact on the market. Nonetheless, if you are pounding the treadmill at the gym, need to stay up late, or are attempting to run away from angry villagers with pitch forks (or chavs from the local council estate), this song will put a dramatic spring in your step and make you desperate to dance! This song is just liquid energy for your ears!

When you need to focus: DBSK – Keep your head down

Another K-Pop track, I present you with Changmin and Yunho, formerly part of DBSK (well…they technically are still DBSK, just minus members Junsu, Yoochun and Jaejoong). If this all sounds like gobbledegook to you I apologise, but this song is the one to listen to if you need to keep focused and on track when the b******s are grinding you down. You won’t understand any of the words due to the language barrier, BUT the chorus is the only part that needs to be reiterated to ease your mood: KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!

When you’re frownin’: Nat King Cole – Smile

How can you look at this photo of dear Nat and not smile like a damn goon? It’s all too easy to frown, but frowning gives you wrinkles, and for that reason alone, whether your cats been run over by a truck or you’re all out of Cheetos, you should shrug it off and smile.

If you’re feeling homophobic: Village People -YMCA

Now, granted, true homophobia can’t be tackled with a song alone. Otherwise, blasting Kylie Minogue over the middle east would have the boys flooding the streets in droves with declarations of love for one another. Nonetheless, you can’t hate man on man love when it dresses and sounds like these guys do. Can you?

When bitches be hatin’: Frank Sinatra – The Lady is a Tramp

Nowadays it would be ‘the lady is a skank’ but that’s beside the point. If you find yourself the victim of an all girl gang fronted by someone much like Regina George from Mean Girls, then this is the song for you.

When its chucking it down on your wedding day / BBQ:  Gene Kelly – Singing in the Rain

There are some times when you just don’t want it to rain, but Gene looks like he’s enjoying it a little too much. There isn’t much we can do about the weather, so you might as well make the best of it, though I wouldn’t recommend doing what Gene’s doing or you’ll probably end up in a hospital with pneumonia, or the nut house for generally parading the streets like a nut job.

When you need some alone time:  Michael Jackson – Leave me Alone

People that like to be alone are labelled a lot of things by society: introverts, loners, spinsters….oddjobs. But sometimes you just need to be left to your own devices. MJ managed to ask for it in this single that called out the media for their invasive advances. It might not have helped his case much, but it will make you feel better if you find yourself turning down that big night out.

When you feel lonely: Randy Newman – You got a friend in me

This is a pretty comforting song from a pretty awesome movie, and though this song has a little bit of a melancholic lilt to it, it might remind you who your true friends are!

When you feel scared:  Michael Jackson – Thriller

Nobody likes to be scared…except adrenaline junkies, but Thriller will make you dance along in abject terror. The world went mental when MJ released this single and with good reason, but it might help you see the more frivolous side of your fears.

When someones calling you a whore: Madonna – Human Nature

Now I’m not suggesting anyone would, nor am I suggesting you might not deserve the reputation, but this is the song to stick on should the W, B or S word make an appearance. Madonna has probably heard it once or twice (well her name is a pretty big thing to love up to and she did release that ‘Sex’ book), but this song will take the sting out of the slander.

When someones done you wrong: Chicago Soundtrack – Cell Block Tango

Chicago provided us with some amazing songs to sing along to, but none better than the above. If you’ve been wronged, and chances are you have, you don’t need to wail about it from behind bars. Don’t do what these girls did and bump anyone off for popping gum too loud or having an affair, just enjoy their sultry performances as they regail you with their stories from the comfort off your own home.

When you want to hate on your ex: Janet Jackson –  Son of a Gun

Is your ex really p***ing you off? Just look at the hilarity of Missy and Janet above for five seconds….now listen to the song. These ladies will put him (or her) in his place…even if you don’t have the guts to.

When you’re stressin’: Bob Marley – Three Little Birds

I think its impossible for anyone to listen to this song and feel anything even remotely close to ‘not perfectly ok’. This song captures the chilled vibe of Jamaica and will transfer it to wherever you are and get to working on however you’re feeling. Drink whilst sipping on an alcoholic beverage and imagining you are staring out at turquoise waters.

When reflecting on a holiday romance: Grease Soundtrack – Summer Lovin’

Looking back on a summer romance can be a depressing prospect as it fills us with nostalgia and melancholy, especially if your present is looking a little less rosy. We can’t all end up with a happy ending like Sandy and Danny so you might as well appreciate the fact that you experienced a romance of any kind at all and treasure the memories.

When you need to feel like you’re somewhere else: Gavin Friday – Angel

This song will instantly transport you far, far away. It is pure bliss in music form. I may need to kidnap Gavin to sing to me in my stressed moments. After listening to this song, should you agree and wish to be my accomplice, please contact me privately. We can share him on a rota based system.

When you feel trapped in a bad relationship or an even worse job:  Candi Staton – Young Hearts Run Free

Feeling trapped in ‘deadend ville’ is one of the most depressing prospects there is. We have ‘relationship, marriage, kids, work’, drilled in to us at such an early age that sometimes, out of pressure, we dive into situations that don’t satisfy us or make us content with our lot, but seem to keep everybody else happy. Honey, if you’re in a bad relationship, bad job or bad mood, remember you’re a young heart and run free sweetie, run free!

When you need an instant boost:  Lesley Gore – Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows

There is no specific mood that this song can instantly improve upon, it is there for all ‘general maladies’. Brimming and bustling with good mood magic, play it in desperate moments i.e. getting out of bed on a monday morning, being barged across the train tracks by a fool, being chased by rabid dogs across arctic wasteland…(I don’t know).

These are just some of the songs that can solve your stresses, but what music gets you out of a mood?

My Top 10 Male K-Pop Idols

I’ve always been a music fan…which means I like all music, of any genre. (Then again – who doesn’t like music?) You name it, I probably like it. Except Screamo. That’s where I draw a very sharp line. I stumbled across K-Pop, aka Korean Pop, when I happened upon BoA – Eat you up, and from there I fell down a rabbit hole into a very special wonderland. It was two of my very close friends however, who introduced me to the male side of K-Pop and dare I say, these guys are even more beautiful than the K-Pop ladies! K-Pop influence is spreading, thanks to the ‘Korean wave’, as Korean culture, music and fashion catches fire worldwide. With catchy tunes, endless fan service and men as amazing as these, you could say I am a bit of a K-Pop fanatic, but I am just one of many rabid fan girls. Here are my top 10 male Korean idols. I’ve added three photographs for each so we can languish on them a little longer! So…when are we heading to South Korea?

1. Jonghyun - SHINee

A Shinee girl, aka fanatical fan girl, will refer to herself as a Shawol. I can quite proudly say I am a Shawol, and the man that single-handedly converted me is the one, the only, Jonghyun aka ‘bling bling Jonghyun’. Jongy is the lead vocalist in SHINee and has somewhat of a paradoxical personality: he gives off a vibe of true badassery and yet he weeps his heart out at every turn. In fact, you will see him crying as often as you will see him smirking (which is a lot). He is the shortest member of SHINee and he explodes in a ball of energy on stage. He has true presence and panache. He is referred to as the ‘dinosaur’ or ‘puppy’ thanks to his delicious doe eyes and is also the person that his fellow members would really not want to introduce to their precious little sister! Let’s just take a minute to take in the awesomeness that is Jonghyun!

2. Key – SHINee

Now Key, otherwise known as the ‘Almighty Key’ was bestowed with this moniker due to his uncanny ability to solve any problem he is presented with. He is also known as the triple threat, thanks to his ability to dance, sing and rap in equal measure and with equal talent! He is known as the ‘nag’ and mother hen of the group keeping his fellow members in line, but he is also a huge diva who can pick up girl group dances in an instant and mimic them exactly – he also has a penchant for Kesha, and really knows how to rock the red eyeliner (and all the ladies out there will know that is a difficult look to pull off convincingly!). Any true K-Pop fan will know that fan service abounds and man on man love is always in the glare of the spotlight for hungry fan girls to lap up like starving puppies, but there is somewhat of a controversy surrounding Key, who gives off somewhat of a ‘gay vibe’ even by K-Pop standards. Nonetheless, if he is a gay dude, he is an expensive and flamboyant character who revels in his sexuality. He is frequently paired with his band member Jonghyun. If the fan girls can’t have him, they’d rather put him with Jonghyun than a female competitor! He also has a pretty good grasp of English and is an accomplished cook.

3. Jaejoong - DBSK / JYJ

Jaejoong divides opinions aesthetically. Some say he looks angelic, others that he looks like an alien. I agree with the latter camp. Prior to DBSK’s disbandment, Jaejoong and his fellow members were the hottest group out over in Asia, known as the Gods of the East, but a scandal involving a lawsuit over  payment meant that the band went their seperate ways and Jaejoong and two other band mates assembled to become ‘JYJ’. Jae was the lead vocalist with a heavenly, husky voice, and despite being gorgeous, he is deeply self-conscious of his smile. Jaejoong was initially perceived as a cold person but he was actually being ordered to keep quiet by management as he had a tendency to put his foot in it! Jae is known for his love of cooking and for being incredibly clumsy. He also has possibly one of the most infectious laughs ever. For anyone thinking he looks somewhat girly, he does come from a family of eight sisters and so is used to being fawned over and feminised! He lists his favourite sport as ‘running away’ (probably from fan girls).

4. Yunho - DBSK

The tenacious, tender-hearted leader of DBSK before they disbanded (he now fronts the group with remaining member Changmin), Yunho is the solid, steadfast type, handsome, reserved and forward thinking, he is able to bring the best out of his team mates. Warm hearted, polite and well-mannered, Yunho is a true gentleman who took the reigns of DBSK when Jaejoong absconded from the leadership role. Behind the tough masculine exterior, Yunho is a very passionate and sensitive young man who likes to keep his emotions in check behind a cool, calm and collected veneer.

5. G-Dragon – Big Bang

I have only recently happened across G-Dragon and oh my lordy, it was like bumping into Jesus Christ in the woods. This cheeky chappy is literally on the verge of exploding with energy, hyperness and effervesence. Mere flesh and bone alone is not enough to contain this fireball. He is the leader of group ‘Big Bang’ and possesses an unnatural level of self-confidence. He knows how to smirk, smile, pout and prance his way through an interview and trust me ladies, when he smiles, you will melt. FLAT OUT MELT. With his slightly androgynous looks, he miraculously manages to pull off any fashion trend, much to my envy. It’s hard to keep track of him on stage because he is literally running to and fro before re-emerging somewhere far off out in your peripheral vision. G-Dragon is a very liberated and free thinking individual, but also a bit of a rebel – there was a controversy slightly earlier in the year surrounding supposed marijana use.

6. T.O.P – Big Bang

T.O.P….where to start? Some fans claim T.O.P stands for ‘the original pimp’ and it’s not hard to imagine that if he weren’t a K-Pop idol (and the idols have an almost God like status amongst fans) that he might very well be just that, chaperoning hookers from street corner to street corner like a gaggle of geese. T.O.P is the rapper of Big Bang and has a low, tiger like tone. He branched out with some solo material, the most memorable of which for me was ‘Turn it Up’. Check out the video and you’ll see what I mean. I’ve had it on continuous repeat for the last week. Help me.

7. Junsu - DBSK

Junsu was the first male idol I came across when my friend introduced me to DBSK. She asked me which one I liked and my eyes automatically went to Junsu. For that reason he will always hold a special place in my heart; kookie, cute and kiddish, Junsu is essentially a big child. Junsu knows how to raise low spirits being a constant source of light-heartedness and amusement. His naivity, innocence and general adorableness are all incredibly endearing. He is obsessed with soccer and sites his non-identical twin brother Junho as being his best friend. Despite his sweet appearance, Junsu metamorphosises on-screen and on stage, transforming into a slick and sexy dancer who is well aware of his sex appeal. He intended to debut much earlier but due to difficulties during puberty, his plans were put on ice. His voice still sounds unbroken but it has afforded him a beautifully melodious voice which sounds unusual and distinctive. He is also famed for his laugh, which is possibly the best I’ve ever heard.

8. Taeyang – Big Bang

I’ve always had a thing for the ‘strong and silent’ type and Taeyang fits the bill. He is referred to as a ‘practice bug’ because he will literally train and train AND train until he gets it exactly right. He is also known to possess ‘soft charisma’ *melts*. Perhaps what makes him even more attractive is that despite his drop dead gorgeous looks, he is shy as anything around the fairer sex. Before he made it big with Big Bang he wanted to be a pianist (he just gets sweeter and sweeter doesn’t he?). Its okay – he can play the piano at our wedding…

9. Yoochun - DBSK

Yoochun might be the member of DBSK you bypass in comparison with the others – he isn’t as much of a looker but there is something pretty winning about his dimpled smile, and he has a ‘knowing’ more experienced manner than some of his more innocent band mates. He loves rocking a hat and shades and used to be the best at speaking English (those skills seemed to degenerate before disapearing entirely almost overnight). He is probably the weakest singer of the group but he has a unique charisma that you can’t help but be spellbound by. Yoochun doesn’t have the highest self-esteem and has suffered bouts of depression. Despite his romantic compositions, Yoochun doesn’t want to get married (perhaps because his own parents divorced). He was scouted over in Virginia and brought to SM’s attention!

10.  Changmin - DBSK

My friends ultimate bias – Changmin is the baby of DBSK, but actually the eldest in his own family. As such his personality has an interesting cynicism to it. He is known for his ‘chang-gasms’ (yes it’s exactly like it sounds). According to his fellow members, Changmin enjoys sitting in the park…drinking…alone (old man in the making). Changmin changed virtually over night into a suave Casonova so don’t be deceived by his baby-faced appearance.

Any fellow K-Pop fans out there?

Who are your biases?

My Top 10 N64 Games…

The N64 is the dodo of consoles, deader than Latin, in the words of Alan Partridge ‘a dead duck’, and ‘who watches a dead duck? Not even its mother. She just flies off…depressed’. But this was the console of my childhood and better than the Wii any day of the week. Here are 10 games that remain pretty memorable for me in no particular order:

1. Banjo-Kazooie

With its rich, vibrant colour scheme and insanely catchy music that mirrors the environment you find yourself strolling into, it was easy to immerse yourself as a child in one of Rares finest achievements for the console. Banjo-Kazooie was a new twist on the platform game, most likely popularised by the spate of Mario adventure games and is the name provided to any game that generally requires a lot of jumping from platform to platform (of course). But the repetitiveness of constant jumping is backed up by an action adventure, as unlikely friends, Banjo, a well meaning but relatively dim banjo playing bear teams up with rucksack dwelling Kazzooie (far more intelligent but cranky) to thwart the intentions of witch Gruntilda after she kidnaps Banjo’s younger sister Tootie and attempts to steal her beauty.

This is half fairy tale, half cartoon caper, as the friends peck and roll their way between several interlocked worlds. You get to travel the expanse of mountains, coves, caverns, swamps, freezing peaks that will reignite your sense of Christmas, valleys, mansions, bays and seasonal woods collecting jigsaw pieces and freeing jinjos. Players can alternate between Banjo and Kazooie, who both have different strengths and weaknesses as they progress through the game.

The variation of worlds, quests, themes, collectables, characters and the infectious mischief of the game make this one a true favourite of mine as well as a huge earner for the N64.

2. Banjo-Tooie

Sequels succeed when they manage to retain the magic of their predecessor, enhance it, and add in a little something extra for good measure. Banjo-Tooie does not stray far from Rares first offering as the friends reunite to prevent the restoration of Gruntilda, who is joined this time by two equally unfortunately named sisters: Mingella and Blobbelda. Sadly, some well known faces do not return, most noticeably, Bottles the advice providing Mole, who is smacked outta the park in the first act.

This game really engages itself with what children (and all of us with a very big kicking and screaming inner child) want from a game. They do not want Call of Duty. They do not want Pro Evo Soccer. They want fairy tale witches, talking animals, the possibility of transformation, enchanting music, and the freedom to move freely amongst the games worlds. Or at least, that’s what they did want once upon a time.

The Jinjos play a more upfront role, as having been frightened by the witches schemes, they have been scattered here, there and everywhere. This time around players are free to explore fairs, isles, temples, mines, theme parks, lagoons, prehistoric lands, factories, a Cuckooland and a keep. During each level, Mumbo imparts a spell upon the duo which enables Banjo and Kazooie to shift size or transform into a different being altogether (amongst other things).

To succeed in this game is less about brawn, and more about team work and brains, as during the final confrontation, the winners are decided by a trivia game rather than an epic blood and guys shoot ‘em up show down.

3. GoldenEye 007

This was my generations’ Call of Duty; we got to shoot guns, throw grenades and run around karate chopping people when all the ammo ran out. Ignore the grainy graphics and quite frankly bizarre proportions of Pierce Brosnans head: this game was it.

This free roaming first person shooter was the game interpretation of the movie of the same name, but unlike many game adaptations of films – this one was actually good rather than a plodding, methodical step-by-step walkthrough infiltrated with various cut scenes that make you feeling like you are doing more than you actually are.

This was when players were trusted to know what they were doing; sneaking past guards, conserving their bullets, walking in on dudes on the toilet….as James Bond attempts to prevent a criminal syndicate causing financial meltdown globally. The random alarms and alerts that go off might just trigger a full blown panic attack and sometimes you’ll be tempted to shoot Natalya in the head just to get her to leave you alone, but this was all forgiven when you began playing the multiplayer mode to let off steam.

Running amuck amongst temple ruins throwing grenades at my friends and watching my screen degenerate into explosion filled madness like a roly-poly into hell was how I spent my childhood…and I turned out just fine.

4. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

Most would unanimously agree that the above mentioned game is the best endorsement of the N64 console. Combining the free flowing exploration of the ‘over world’ and the technical puzzle solving skills that are required to navigate the games dungeons and temples, the game also involved players with its sprawling storyline. In the land of Hyrule, young Link, a Kokiri boy without a fairy, is summoned by the Great Deku Tree to rescue the land of Hyrule from the Gerudo King Ganondorf; a benevolent thief who wishes to usurp the King’s thrown and overtakes the land.

Players get to experience the dramatic changes that occur in Hyrule during the seven years in which Ganondorf manages to wield power and control. Thanks to some nifty time travel, players can return to Link’s relatively carefree childhood days, mingling with townspeople and fairies, or they can stick to the doomed dystopia that befalls Hyrule. Completing this game felt like fulfilling your very own Lord of the Rings quest and the sense of accomplishment was unreal. The graphics appeared very advanced and stylistic for their time, the songs were catchy and charming and the story progressed at a very appealing pace, allowing players to slowly build up their experience level as they battled through the various trials and tribulations of the game. If I were to suggest any game to an N64 player, this would be it.

The side quests enabled true escapism and when exploring the insides of a Dodongos belly or the intricacies of a woodland maze got too much, you could just power walk to Lake Hylia and do some fishing or chase Cuckoos for a weird lady who collects them despite her allergies. Several races were established, the aquatic Zora, the peter pan like Kokiri who never grow up and are accompanied by fairies and the man hating Gerudo thieves. The incredible attention to detail (the air abounds with ethereal fluff in the forest) and the interaction of action, game play, characterisation and cut scenes that progress the story (unlike the yawning cinematic cut scenes of final fantasy) really revealed the potential of gaming and the expanse it could traverse in immersing us in an entirely new world.

5. The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask

I mentioned before that sequels always capitalise on the success of their predecessors whilst rebooting with something new and previously unseen. Well Majora’s Mask shows us how it’s done. Fresh from his defeat of Ganondorf, Link and Epona, restored to childhood, explore some woodlands on the outskirts of Hyrule where they are attached by a Skull Kid and two fairies, Tael and Tatl who proceed to steal both Epona and Link’s Ocarina and lead him into an all new world.

Termina is a kind of separate world, an alternate dimension; it is the wonderland of Alice’s adventures as Link finds himself in a world populated with familiar faces – with a twist. The Gerudo thieves are now a race of pirates, the Zora are known for their music, Anju the mad cuckoo lady now wanders around bereft at the loss of her beloved, Ingo now has a twin brother (one was bad enough) and the rather innocuous mask salesman of the first instalment is now a far more sinister figure. This provides players with endless delicious rediscovers as well know characters pop up in unexpected places under the guise of their Terminian counterparts.

This game is a refreshing departure – there is no Ganon – instead Skull Kid is the villain who having happened upon Majora’s Mask is drawing the moon in to crush the land of Termina. What follows is a story of immediate danger and dread, as Link is plunged right into the middle of an imminent apocalypse. The game follows three day cycles as side quests are completed and temple dwelling demons vanquished, but at the end of each time cycle, we return to the first day and all good deeds are reset.

The masks now have the potential to transform Link into new characters and this new world is as enchanting and engrossing as it is terrifying and sinister. Although the ever encroaching time limits drove me to despair, you can’t help but be drawn into and entrenched in such an eerie and extraordinary game.

6. Mario Kart 64

Racing games always bring out my ugly competitive side. Whilst we sit there happily deciding on characters, tracks and go-karts, I sit their brooding and conspiratorial pondering my imminent victory and falling into internalised despair if a red shell rockets me straight to the back of the line.

Mario Kart in my opinion is the finest racing game there is, and that’s because it’s totally unrealistic. The tracks are bright and decorative and vary between straightforward, simplistic race ways to genuine death traps (I’m thinking of the Rainbow Road as I type this). The colourful host of familiar characters with varying levels of skill also make this game appealing. You can select Yoshi for instance, who is speedy and agile but easily barged out of the way, or Bowzer, who though big and bulky, goes at his own (frankly abysmal pace).

What really makes this game unique and enjoyable are the various power ups and traps that litter the tracks. Did someone just cut in front of you? Whack them out the way with a red shell. Is someone tailing you? Release a banana into their face! For this reason the winner often gets there by down and dirty means making this a wicked reimagining of the Whacky Races. Cheat, trip, barge, smash, smack and crash your way to victory in the multiplayer round and keep your eyes on the prize!

7. Pokémon Snap

When I was a child, Pokémon was a colossal obsession of mine, so you can imagine my imminent joy when the N64 released this game. You are Todd Snap (no really, you are), recruited by Professor Oak, to compile a report based on the Pokémon inhabiting an unusual island inhabited entirely by Pokémon. With its variation of climates and geographical locations, the island houses a whole plethora for your pokedex. Your task? Simply – to take photos.

You get a maximum of 60 photographs per level so you should use them wisely and try and avoid taking photographs of the lawn…at the end of each level you are then able to present Professor Oak with your favourite picture, so choose wisely.

Pokémon Snap is not the route to professional photography but it is damn good fun.

8. Turok: Rage Wars

Turok was always a bit more of a boy’s game in my eyes; it involved the dinosaur hunter doing what he does best: taking out the dinos. Although the game does involve a quest, my favourite aspect of the game was its multiplayer mode or the two player trials mode making the adventure just that much more exciting as you relied upon your buddy to help you progress.

You could bargain for bloodlust – a free for all fight to the death bloodbath where whoever can rack up the most kills wins, team bloodlust where you and a friend can destroy them all, capture the flag which endlessly drove me to the brink of madness when I’d be five seconds away from the flag site and find my brains splattered all over the floor and frag tag. Interestingly in this mode, a random player would be transformed into a monkey and have to run out the time limit escaping the other relentlessly murderous players. Me and my brother had endless fun running around in this game so it will always have a soft spot in my heart.

9. Xena: Warrior Princess: The Talisman of Fate

You might have watched the Xena series as a child following the warrior princess as she sought to redeem herself for her past of bloodlust and wanton destruction. This game allowed you to fight as all of your TV favourites; the raven-haired, baby blue eyed princess herself, blonde bard Gabrielle who can smack them about with a staff, the deliciously dark God of War Ares or the volatile newly formed Goddess Callisto (amongst a cast of others). If you had a soft spot for Joxer, who elicited a mixed response from audiences, your fighting style will literally consist of goofing off and accidentally hitting people, but there are many other recognisable faces from the series to select as you fight your way through to boss Despair, who has not previously made an appearance.

10. Perfect Dark

If you loved GoldenEye, you will love this. Would you have ever in your wildest dreams believed that this would follow on from the creators of Banjo-Kazooie? The games may be chalk and cheese but Rare certainly know what they are doing. James Bond decided to undergo a sex change and become a beautiful woman – he is now Joanna Dark, who works for the Carrington Institute, out to thwart the company’s nemesis dataDyne.

The selling point of this game, beyond the shoot ‘em up style, sexy front woman to rival Lara Croft, the seventeen levels and the hours of multiplayer fun, was the deep rooted conspiracy that slowly unravelled as the game progressed. Set in the future and caught up between the conflict between two rival alien races, the Maians and the Skedar, Joanna must prevent the Skedar rewarding dataDyne with ultimate technology enabling them to become the world’s most powerful corporation.

Here are just some of my favourites, but what are yours?

Ciao Venezia!

Overview:

Venice is routinely represented in many great works of art, literature and music. It is a charming, fairy-tale of a city that has been described by author Thomas Mann as ‘half fairy tale, half tourist trap’ and certainly the inconceivable influx of busy tourists who almost make themselves indigenous as they wander around mesmerised by the scenery and atmosphere, and desensitized natives who seem to operate on a different plane to the rest of us as they go about their day to day existences, are reminiscent of flies tangled in a spider wed of narrow alleys, slender bridges and winding water ways. A maze like way of life that could appear maddening, is oddly enlivening and exciting. Why is it then that many bypass the vibrancy and vitality of Venice for the grandeur and history of Rome or the fabled beauty of Florence? When you think of Italy, you probably don’t instantly gravitate to Venice as your city of choice, but spend a weekend or longer here and you’ll be hypnotized by the easy, breezy impressiveness of this miraculous city that defied the odds and graciously sprawls out upon the water, almost daring the seas to swallow it whole.

Venice is a city steeped firmly in the past and it genuinely feels like one of the few remaining remnants of the old world, preserved for modern man to traverse. Stepping off a boat or train, onto the warm concrete floors is like spiralling back in time with great immediacy. It is a day dreamy, ancient place quite unlike anywhere else I’ve ever visited.

Cities have a dreary, predictable tendency to become samey, even when the culture and populaces that thrive within them differ drastically, the architecture, the ‘mood’ and ambience; even the colour schemes become frightfully similar and homogenous. You could call New York an enlarged, candy floss version of London lacking the prim and properness in favour of pomp and pizzazz, but Venice is incomparable to anywhere else in my opinion. Even within Italy itself, Venetians and their way of life exist as something altogether outside of the grasp of the everyday Italian.

One of the unique qualities of Venice that enable it to appear so detached from the modern world is the lack of cars, this most certainly makes it relatively rare in the 21^st century. For all the hustle and bustle that abounds atop the delicate infrastructure, the trappings of modern life are obsolete and no real blemishes soil this fair land aside from the odd smattering of graffiti and the stubborn as heck bag salesmen that gravitate to the ebb and flow of the big crowd.

Venice has a unique and unusual charm all of its own; its citizens appeared to me like characters from Shakespearian plays, elaborately and eccentrically dressed in a way that was quintessentially Italian, poetically eyed and endearingly proud and patriotic when it came to their storybook land – the ladies seemed like ladies and the men like gentlemen. The aura that Venice emits is both gentle and magnificent, understated and sublime. The fact that the city can stand at all is a testament to the inhabitants that toiled over its creation and remains in opposition with the destructive forces of the natural world that surround it and threaten to devour it at every moment. Perhaps it is this cloud, this looming threat of perpetual and eventual destruction that weighs heavy in the distance, particularly with regards to climate change and global warming that make the city also an incredibly melancholy and bittersweet environment that makes you hanker for the old world.

Whether you are crossing a bridge and find yourself drowning in the songs of the gondoliers or scoffing pizza beside the canal, it is impossible to not be lured back in to this beautifully bizarre world. It is the subtleties, eating bruschetta standing amongst Venetians, sampling authentic Italian gelato, haggling for a gondola or browsing the many boutiques and shops, that make Venice a peculiar place to visit indeed. It’s like slipping off into some obscure corner of Narnia, through the wardrobe into a fantastical carnival of a place unlike anywhere you’ve ever seen before.

So once you arrive, how do you approach and tackle this maddening maze? The best way to explore Venice is to know where you are coming from, and then get lost. Allow the city to consume you. Signs are imprinted at every corner and will direct you back to where you need to be, and you are never too far from a vaporetto (these operate essentially as water taxis), and shall return you to a recognisable destination. Should you get lost in the throng, everyone is surprisingly sympathetic, as they have probably lost themselves too, and we were chaperoned around on more than one occasion by a patient, shiny eyed local, enthusiastic to show and share the city that they know like the back of their hand.

The experience of being lost in Venice can be disconcerting and overwhelming but it is also an enchanting one, enabling you to stumble across backstreets, quaint homes, old statues, squares and quiet canal-side locations. We found ourselves by a beautiful section of canal far removed from any tourists or onlookers, and only left when we were literally chased away by one of the most monstrous looking bugs I’ve ever seen. Sadly, we never managed to acquaint ourselves with this area again, as if it were never there. It packed up and vanished, mirage like. That’s how disillusioning Venice can be. Its many hidey holes open up to you, if you let yourself disappear.

Venice is the city of masked, painted strangers, random and never repeated encounters, queer acquaintances, grand churches and winding narrow corridors, a place for sneaks and extroverts alike. It’s a city in decline, in decay, that has already reached the pinnacle of its success and now lies at the mercy of the tide, and the thundering footsteps of its inhabitants and yet still, it is more beautiful and more evocative than many of our modern cities are today. It’s a claustrophobic city that throws you into relief by plunging you into a grand square at any given moment, like coming up for air in a volatile sea.

The Specifics:

So if my rambling and romanticized rendition of my trip has piqued your interest, read on to see what I liked most about my time in Venice, and what you might also enjoy should you choose to visit:

Gondolas:

There’s nowhere else in the world where you get to ride a gondola. It’s a quintessential Venetian experience. If thoughts of Venice don’t immediately conjure visuals of tanned, lithe gondoliers in striped nautical shirts serenading you as you breeze across the waters, there would be something wrong with you. The problem with gondolas? They are incredibly expensive. The gondoliers know that everyone wants to grab a ride down the grand canal before the eclipse of their trip, and that they’d probably pay a heck of a lot to do it. The good thing though is that you don’t need to pay these kinds of prices.

You can purchase a pre-destined gondola from the confines of your home over the internet, if you don’t trust your battering skills and don’t want to spend 70 + Euros. We managed to get a gondola for 30 Euros with all the perks included – we cruised on the grand canal, dipped into the alleys, were sang to and even witnessed a gondolier beat up a man sitting in his chair (it was like the Godfather come to life). This is the authentic Venetian experience and not to be missed because it’s every bit as romantic, serene and exhilarating as you could imagine. There are gondolas everywhere and lots of bored gondoliers waiting around in the sizzling sunshine itching to set sail.

You can take a trip across the canals during the day or in the glimmer and glow of the dwindling evening light. You can have a romantic trip for two or a communal experience with fellow travellers.

If you can’t afford a gondola, you can still take to the waters, on the vaporetto or water taxis. These are far cheaper and though not quite the same still give you a taste of the experience.

If you fancy pre-booking a gondola experience, follow the below link for one such deal. From here, you can also navigate to find many others:

http://activities.easyjet.com/en/4169/tours/Venice/Venice-Gondola-Ride-and-Serenade/d522-2495TOUR4

Lido

If you’ve ever read ‘Death in Venice’, you will want to see the Lido. Serene and sultry, this is the beach where Visconti gave his life over to his harrowing search for living art in its embodiment of Tadzio, the young Polish boy with whom he becomes obsessed.

I confess that after studying this novella in university, I became obsessed with finding this beach, as if some of the maddening, passionate, all-consuming love and addiction might become part of me just by happening across it. This sole ambition fuelled my entire trip to Venice!

Lined with beach huts and fringed umbrellas that look like walking ostriches, this section of the beach is surreal and quirky and backed up beautifully by the Grande Hotel de Bains which was unfortunately under reconstruction at the time of our visit. This is definitely a place that can transport you into the narrative of the story and well worth a visit. There is also another long stretch of beach not far away frequented by locals and there are plenty of shops and restaurants to entertain you. It’s interesting to watch the assortment of tourists and natives soaking up the sun and spirits you a world away from the multifarious alleyways that form the pulse and veins of Venice.

Gelato

A trip to Italy isn’t complete without taking the chance to sample authentic Italian ice cream. There is an ice cream counter practically everywhere and it will help cool you down if you visit in the spring/summer seasons. The flavours are delicious and soft as summer.

The Islands

Seeing the lagoon islands is easier than you think. You’ll need to book a day out of your busy schedule, buy a day pass and hop on a vaporetto. The vaporetto will take you to your far flung destinations. Certain islands did not appeal as much as others, but are still worth seeing as each captures a distinctive, self contained way of life separate from the mainland. The journey by boat is mesmerising, particularly as you draw in or bob away from your various destinations. You can stay for as long or as short as you like before you hop aboard to reach your next destination. It provides a short snap of a slightly different side of life. Here is a quick synopsis of what to expect upon your arrival at each island:

Murano:

Murano is renowned for its reputation in glass making. You can buy endless glass products here, so if you don’t intend to buy, be sure to tread carefully when nosing around the shops. This is an island filled with great shopping opportunities and quaint eating areas.

Burano:

Burano looks a little like the world of children’s cartoon ‘Balamory’. By water, approaching the rainbow coloured assortment of houses is quite an odd and memorable experience.  Burano is still occupied by its native inhabitants but is clustered with visitors. It’s impossible to not be cheery here!

Torcello:

Torcello was once a rival for Venice’s affections as the hub of activity. Torcello is titchy and consists mainly of abandoned marshland but we found a few intriguing houses occupied by roosters and cats. This abandoned and worn down island in decline is a preserved fossil of a once teaming hubbub of importance and authority.

San Michele:

Of all the lagoon islands, San Michele affected me most. It is a truly atmospheric island that houses Venice’s dead, but the relatives must consistently pay to maintain a spot for their departed loved ones. It is easy to get disorientated within the largest of the islands as you circulate row after row and column after column of graves. This is a solemn place and you can’t help but feel you have stumbled upon the private and very sincere grief and mourning of flocking families. Nonetheless, there was something touching about the assortment of flowers and photographs that abounded here. Some unusual birds that I cannot name for the life of me wander the grounds as well.

San Marco

San Marco square is the place must people flock to in a hurry if they don’t have much time to explore elsewhere. It contains the best and the most brilliant of what Venice has to offer; the sweeping shores of the canal water, the faraway glimpse of islands and interconnected by the various allies is the huge San Marco Square which fills the air with music. We were greeted with children feeding pigeons, nuns making their sacred pilgrimage to the church, scores of Chinese/Japanese photographers and everything in between. There are some amazing photo opportunities here and it certainly feels like the cities beating heart and thriving centre. It is wonderful to sit here of an evening, listening to the Orchestra strike up and just allow your eyes to gorge on the life’s unfurling all about you.

Day Trip – Verona

There are plenty of available day trip options. Venice is pretty well connected and close to many other beautiful locations. From Ferovia (the train station stop) you can set off to any location you please. We picked Verona, home of Romeo & Juliet. A romantic little picturesque place of cobbled streets,  when you arrive at the station, you can’t think of anything further removed from the romance of Shakespeare’s time, but once you get to the centre of Verona, its charm becomes apparant. Visiting Juliet’s and Romeo’s houses is quite amazing, and you can even get your photograph taken at Juliet’s statue. If, like me, you wondered why on earth everyone was touching Juliet’s breasts, trust me – they weren’t being inappropriate. It’s apparently meant to bring you good luck! Still I felt a bit silly and pervy doing it and so opted for just below.

Masks

For me the most bewitching aspect of Venetian culture is the masks. I’ve always had an interest in masks and what they represent (or conceal) and Venice is home to some of the most expertly creatively crafted masks you’ll ever see. The masked balls used to be an opportunity for the rich, poor, married and single to mingle undetected and for one standalone night behave as they pleased. You’ll find endless shops selling beautiful, handmade masks. We bought three, and were told by the mask salesman to stop buying so many! They vary in price. You can grab one for cheap as a souvenir or splash out on something more memorable, but this is another token of your time in Venice, something you probably can’t really get anywhere else, to remind you that your stay wasn’t all an illusion! If you ever decide to return for carnival, you will also have your very own Venetian mask!

Opera/theatre

Going to see a show in Venice is not something that we managed to do, but definitely recommended. Watching some of the best shows on earth in one of the most beautiful cities on earth should definitely be on your to do list if you are culturally and artistically inclined. If you are bored stiff by ballet and yawn at Opera, perhaps pass.

Glug a bottle of wine with a companion by the canal

It is truly relaxing to sit beside the canal taking in the sights, the sounds, and the beauty with a little alcoholic friend or your iPod. Blasting Frank Sinatra in my ears whilst in Venice felt very surreal!

Play Hide and Seek

You’ll never find who you’re looking for, but this is a unique way of discovering the city and indulging in some harmless childhood fun. If you’re feeling too adult in Venice, you’d better keep your inner child happy too!

People watch

Venice is the perfect place to people watch. Everyone is milling about by the canal or in and out of the shops and all of them seems to be faintly in a trance. The mixture of old and new is also interesting to soak in. An explosion of cultures comes to visit Venice, but you’ll meet lots of Americans, Japanese and Germans! If you are a writer/painter/musician, I think a lot of artistic inspiration can come from simply sitting around in Venice.

Tips & trade secrets

* If you are coming in from Ferovia (the train station stop) don’t let a friendly passer-by help you carry your case down the steps. They do expect money and quite a lot of it. I learnt the hard way…

* Dining in central Venice is pricey. If you want a cheap but authentic Italian meal head out into the deeper parts of Venice to the restaurants and cafes were the natives wine and dine. Pizza and pasta are obvious choices, but there is a lot more to try if you’re feeling adventurous that will give you a true taste of Venetian culinary culture. You can do what we did and buy a takeaway pizza and eat it beside the canal:

* Book activities from home, particularly a gondola. The cost will be far cheaper than the price you will find once you arrive. Even if you haggle, the price might not drop considerably. Gondola rides are simply too in demand! You don’t really need to book the tours unless you are really in a rush and don’t have time to familiarise yourself with Venice at all. Tours always feel rushed, impersonal and flimsy and you won’t really be able to immerse yourself in anything or wander off of the beaten track.

* If you want to attend Carnival (which falls in February) and you want to stay anywhere near the centre of Venice, you might want to start looking for accommodation at least a year in advance (or so a carnival fanatic informed me!)

* Book a day trip if you are about for a little while. Venice is clustered quite closely with many other interesting and exciting towns that are worth visiting and add a little something extra to your trip.

* Common sense, but take an Italian phrasebook with you. I found that the majority of Venetians spoke very fluent English, as their city is infiltrated with tourism pretty much all year round. The further out you venture, the greater the possibility of bumping into Italian speakers only so the phrase book is essential should you require assistance in an emergency.

* Pack some conservative clothing options. Access to the churches is restricted depending on what you wear. You want to keep your shoulders, chest and above the knee concealed if you want to experience the cities spiritual side.

* Get yourself some decent walking shoes – you’ll be doing a lot of it!

* Update your iPod with tunes from the Godfather, ‘That’s Amore’, a little opera – anything with a vaguely Italian feel. See how the city comes alive whilst your ears are humming with music!

* Stay in a hostel if you want to keep prices down. There are many charming and well placed hostels and if you are planning on being out and about all day, a posh hotel room isn’t a must have.

* DON’T go to Venice with your brother/sister. Everyone will make wildly embarrassing assumptions and remarks…

* DON’T be fooled – contrary to popular opinion, Venice is NOT a stinky city…

To conclude:

Finally…whether it’s for the magical old world vibe, the feeling of being in a fairytale, a romantic couples trip or a group sightseeing tour, Venice is a city that will call you back, because it holds onto its old world quality and you really will feel like you’ve entered a different century when you arrive. The world is globally becoming a more modernised and mechanical place, and so places with this specific style of charisma are a huge relief and incredibly life affirming!

As an aside, all photos included are my own taken from my trip. If you wish to reproduce them please let me know!

It’s All About Amy

Channel 5

First Episode

Aired: 1^st December 2011 (22:00)

Second Episode: 8^th December 2011 (22:00)

Amy Childs aka the human embodiment of Jessica Rabbit, has come a long way since she left the cast of TOWIE (The Only way is Essex), a reality show following the same format as a whole host of others that proclaim to represent truth and reality, whilst wallowing in the trough of stereotypes and predictability. When I say a long way, what I mean is that rather than doing her nails and Vajazzling her clients in front of one camera in Essex, she is now doing much the same in front of another camera in Essex, but this time she is not part of an ensemble cast, but the central character, as the title would suggest.

Amy represents all that is stereotypical when it comes to Essex, and though I firmly believe that stereotypes exist for a reason (there is a small kernel of truth just waiting to expand in each one), I would be rather offended if I were a native or even denizen in Essex. She makes stupid sexy with her tumbling red hair (a little less hostile and offensive to the eyes that Rihanna’s previous do) and seems to exist in a world that many girls do despite the hullabaloo of a recession: one that is vacuous, shallow and consists of tenacious materialism and eternal expenditure.

It’s clear that Amy wants to follow the yellow brick road paved by the likes of Jordan; the beautiful girl from humble beginnings who capitalises on her stupidity and narcissism to reach the centre of all wealth, luxury and privilege, whilst calling all the shots. Any girl that reaches this magical palace may then play her part in dumbing down the rest of female society, but at least she will be Queen of her own castle – right?

Jordan worked the ranks from model to reality star to shrewd businesswoman, with a finger in virtually every pie (which is enough to put you off of pie for life…) Unfortunately for this Jordan wannabe, she lacks the sharpness, coldness and hard edginess of her predecessor, and though there is something naive and endearing about Amy, who confesses she was belittled at school for her lack of intelligence and is sincerely spellbound (as perhaps most of us are), by her forceful success, she lacks the cut throat, merciless quality of other women that have succeeded in her arc. Marilyn Monroe might have made playing dumb to appear harmless and vulnerable for big chunks of cash popular, but not every girl that has attempted her dynamo act since has quite the same charisma – Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian anyone?

Nonetheless, she manages to possess many of the credentials that would deserve to go on a Jordan lookalikes CV: monotonous voice, limited input on social or cultural discussions and events, more hair than skin, and a good ten hour jaunt in an oven to achieve the baked bronze goddess appeal, so much so that you could deep-fry her and sell her in a family bucket. Maybe most importantly she has the naturally exotic and striking looks of a true model, and only real requires the most subtle of emphasis to accentuate her good features. Perhaps this is why manager to the talentless (Peter, Jordan and Kerry), the same busy body with the nose of a bloodhound that seems to body bag all those who posses style over substance, Claire Powell, has stepped up to guild her through the labyrinth that is her new life.

So what do we learn about the ex-TOWIE star in her new venture? For a brand spanking new series, it doesn’t really emerge with a big bang. We are introduced to her family where she firmly establishes her working class roots; her father is a flower salesman and her mother spends her time tidying up her stray bikinis. Her brother Billy is a looker and all the girls flock to him supposedly.  We also get to meet her puppy Prince Childs and her cousin Harry makes an appreciated appearance, as a waiflike Ellen Degeneres . The rare times I did dip into TOWIE, Harry was probably it’s only saving grace, as he genuinely made me laugh, and for all the wrong reasons. It was nice to see Amy’s loyal and protective stance when it came to her family and interesting to learn that many former friends abandoned her when fame came knocking.  Her life as shown to us appeared to revolve around buying dresses for glamorous events, training her wayward dog Prince Childs and sauntering around salons for her first business venture. Her life, permeated with star studded events, seems shockingly unglamorous – her mum still tidies up after her (as perhaps mums are always doomed to do) and she still sticks like glue to best friend Amy Chapman.  This focus on Amy as a bit of a well meaning dumbo does lend her a likability factor, but we are still just watching a pretty girl try on frocks.

It’s pretty clear to most that reality TV is a kind of refined modern day reimagining of public executions and circus freaks. We enjoy the pantomime and the artificial, contrived, formulaic following of ordinary members of the public who suddenly, one day, are transformed into celebrities for reasons beyond most of our comprehension. Although it does pose endless moral dilemmas at a deeper level i.e. how many big breasted, dumb, high heeled clones do we really need to follow in the footsteps of their fave reality stars when what we really need is nurses and teachers, there is a media fascination with mediocrity and the public seem to enjoy the misadventures of a diamond in the rough.

Amy is devoid of any real personality, nothing really comes through from her, but then again, like Jordan, spending your life obsessing with beauty and image makes you more plastic and doll-like that you could probably prepare for. Is it wrong or weird then, that I found myself liking Amy and finding something quite child-like and sweet about her? It’s easy and effortless viewing, and though Amy is essentially a propped up lobotomy patient, I can’t help but like her, but I don’t think I will be tuning in again. It’s just a little too samey with Amy.

If you want to catch the first instalment, here is a link to channel 5’s showing:

http://www.channel5.com/shows/its-all-about-amy/episodes/episode-1-380

‘Jack’ Sonnets to the Fictitious Famous

Fallen prince of a paradise long lost,

Red hair grown wild over once freckled cheeks,

Over the heat of summer lays a frost,

The boys advanced like birds; all claws and beaks.

Chief of a tribe of ramshackle wolf cubs,

Wandering along sandy beaches and not streets,

Hands that trembled once in fear hit like clubs.

Innocent boys now degenerate freaks.

Embodiment of pride; the devils sin.

Spearing a pig with a face painted red,

King of Castle Rock, frees his evil twin,

The Savage screams as Piggy falls down dead

All in all its just a little boys game,

Out on the island that drove them insane

Quote Blog: Cecilia

Doctor: What are you doing here, honey? You’re not even old enough to know how bad life gets.

Cecilia: Obviously, Doctor, you’ve never been a 13-year-old girl.

Quote Blog: Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn: Dogs never bite me. Just humans.

Quote Blog: Ralph

Ralph: I mean…what makes things break up like they do?

‘Lo-lee-ta’ Sonnets to the Fictitious Famous

You were my angel-nymph; my sweet child love.

Curious as a wild cat catching rats

In my tender moments you’d kick and shove

All Cheshire cat grin with your hair in plaits.

Don’t run from the madman my butterfly,

I know you think of it when you sob nightly,

I’ll drive you underneath the summer sky

Feed you sundaes, see those eyes burn brightly.

You are my only one confession.

With your chestnut hair and lips of scarlet

Pixie, you taught me the hardest lesson.

You dance rings around me my little starlet

In the night I can still hear you crying.

My Lolita, can you hear me dying?

Film Revisited: Dogtooth

“…a Petri dish of our own perversions exemplified…”

On the outskirts of a bustling Greek city live a family who dwell in their own self-sufficient, completely isolated domain. The only family member permitted to exit the home is the father, who exerts an unwavering patriarchal influence upon his wife and three unnamed children, who are credited as ‘older daughter’, ‘son’ and ‘younger daughter’. As such, without names they are unidentifiable and arguably, do not exist. Instead they simply are what they are; children and siblings. They are defined entirely by their role in conjunction with the family unit they inhabit.

The father leaves the house to attend to his work as a factory manager whilst his wife oversees the children from the home, which is devoid of any connection from the outside world, except the fleeting visits of Christina, a security guard who is employed at the fathers workplace, who arrives merely to sate the hormonal urges and sexual appetites of the son (who only really seems intrigued by one particular position).

Christina’s visits remain fit for purpose, until she tires of the indifferent and emotionless attitude of the robotic son and instead begins to flirt with the concept of exploiting the naivety of the eldest daughter, manipulating sexual favours out of her in exchange for worldly goods from beyond the confines of the home, which intrigue and excite her. This is the premise of Giorgos Lanthimos’ Dogtooth, which explores how an internal, separate world reacts to the catalytic experience of an outside intervention.

The day-to-day trivialities of family life may be permeated by Christina’s casual visits, but otherwise the children’s existences are consumed by a series of repeated, odd rituals. They are routinely taught new words, but the definitions provided are incorrect. The children are fed misinformation and lies beneath the guise of knowledge and education. The film opens with the mother relaying a succession of new words via tape: ‘The new words of the day are: “Sea”, “Highway”, “Road trip” and “Shotgun” , for which she assigns a series of miscellaneous meanings, which the children repeat. Any excess energy that might lure the children towards inherent restlessness is channelled into competitive sports and eccentric games that provide a healthy outlet for the sibling rivalries and potential sexual and violent tensions that may arise amongst them. The children are encouraged to catch planes that fall from the sky and are bred to be efficient but obedient.

In order to ensure that his children do not attempt to leave the sanctuary of the home, a fear of the outside and unknown is fostered. The world beyond their walls is depicted as a place of panic, terror and danger. The children are informed that they will only be able to physically deal with the dangers that dwell beyond when their dog-tooth falls out, of course in being a fictitious creation, the dog-tooth will never fall out and the children will never be permitted to leave. The father also capitalizes upon their dependence with the invention of an idea that a previous sibling, whether real or concocted, disobeyed the parents strict statutes and sanctions and was mauled to death by a cat – an animal that is depicted as the enemy, potentially as it stands for everything the father despises his own children developing as traits; independence and self-sufficiency. His status as a black sheep ensures that they do not deviate from the parents’ closeted regime.

This climate of fear means that the children remain doting and doe-eyed; the son jumps into bed with his parents and hugs the father when afraid and the arrival of a cat from the outside prompts the son to attack it with pruning shears whilst his sisters scream. The fathers’ deceit is twofold; as much as he manages to seal his family within the vacuum of a home that he has created for them by feeding them a consistent diet of lies portrayed as truths, he also safe guards the reality of their lives from his colleagues by informing them that his wife is wheelchair bound. We do not get to know the length and breadth of the story he has concocted for his children, or if anyone even knows of their existence at all.

In this way, misinformation becomes truth, and his family is allowed to exist undiscovered and undisturbed. The story centres on this family drama whilst focusing on one child in particular, the eldest, who eventually names herself ‘Bruce’ and her decision to take a leap from the frying pan into the fire. It is this contact with the outside, through the medium of two videos, ‘Jaws’ and ‘Rocky’ given to her as contraband by Christina, that motivate and inspire ‘Bruce’ to escape the family home by breaking her dog-tooth.

The fundamental question that must cross every movie goers mind on first viewing is the question most intrinsic to the plot itself: why? The film is maddening in its laid back inability to provide us with an answer. Instead, it offers up endless questions. No back-story is established that might offer up some explanation or motivation; are the parents motivated by fear or control? Are they protecting their children or imprisoning them? Are they malevolent or benevolent beings? How did this set up originate? Was the father raised under the same conditions? Is the mother an accomplice, or is she as brainwashed as her children? Are they in fact, also brother and sister? Is their intention to play God or to concoct a mini experiment, or, as a far more farfetched and imaginative individual theorised, are the parents aliens who are teaching their extraterrestrial children how to behave and become human? Finally, are they motivated by something far more mundane – boredom?

The interesting thing about film, and indeed all art, is its ability to satirize or hold up mirrors to expose ugly truths. On a domestic level, the nanny state (or politically correct/Big Brother depending on your preference) has become an increasing influence in the lives of many. We’ve all heard members of the older generation lament the loss of the days when children roamed the streets like packs of bountiful dogs, free to play, explore and have adventures. Now the outdoor world has been populated with looming evils – paedophiles, murderers, rapists, thieves, serial killers.

Perhaps this view of the world has shifted to accumulate the acceleration of rapid change; surging populations, a recession and the impact of unchecked migration. Perhaps people cannot be assured of what lies outside of their front door because it is constantly changing. The terrain is always shifting and unfamiliar. As such, modern parents are coddling, paranoid, hyper-protective, raising, as a generalisation, lazy, unproductive children, or children who have been fleshed out of steel, brought up for competition and success in a dog eat dog world where the competition gets tougher and amasses in greater numbers every year. These perfectly normal, everyday familiar fears gather great momentum in Dogtooth

Outside of the family home, there exist many other avenues through which people exist to be controlled to some degree; culture, religion (particularly those that abide extreme or fanatical teachings), abusive relationships, the government and state – in this way, people attempt to control the ones they love (or need) by making them subservient, in much the same way that man bred into the great wolf domesticity or vapid dependency into the once capable of self-survival sheep, creating a hierarchy of those that are aware, powerful and controlling and those that are ignorant, powerless and afraid. Although those that are afraid always outnumber the few in charge, they are shackled by fear to the bottom rung of the pyramid – too afraid to even attempt advancement.

The film successfully satirizes the nature vs. nurture debate, the concept of parents knowing best, patriarchal society, fiction vs. reality, lies vs. truth, xenophobia, our use of language, the trust we place in our parents, the impact of popular culture on our aspirations (it cannot be coincidence that upon viewing ‘Jaws’ and ‘Rocky’, ‘Bruce’ decides to finally break free) and the idea of art representing truth and freedom. It is in the world of creativity that ‘Bruce’ finds the strength to escape, not in the world of rigid and rapid domesticity and dopiness.

It is also interesting to note that ‘Bruce’ bestows herself with a male identity. Of course, she is not to know necessarily the distinction between male and female names, but it is an intriguing aside that strengthens the connection to being a woman in a man’s world, in her shrunken world – the father is King, she is servant. Is the child a slave to the parents’ wishes and expectations, or are they a separate being with desires and wants of their own, and a right to seek these in the wider world? The parents seem keen to mutate language, infer that planes are toys and interpret American songs in a way that fortifies their own sense of family – in this way their fear of outside culture, language and influence is kept at bay because it is altered before it can be processed by their children. Everything they experience comes through a screened filter.

To complicate matters further, communication and sex are intertwined. The vagina becomes a ‘keyboard’. Even if the children escape, they cannot appropriately communicate but darkly, if sex is a form of expression, this has already been skewered by the parents, who have named their parts accordingly and in a way that fragments them from normal language and society, and as such, prevents ordinary sexual encounters. The free language of the body, which cannot be contained, is marred by enforced language which has been distorted. The parents’ propaganda keeps the children under strict rule.

The calm stifled home is disrupted by one thing and one thing alone – sex. Strangely, it is the parents who voluntarily introduce this in order to sate their sons’ needs. The needs of the daughters are not only marginalised, but simply not considered. I didn’t consider the parents to be intentionally sexist as they have focused their energies on all of their children being athletic achievers. The girls are not assigned feminine roles and the son a male one – they are almost homogonous – three separate spheres of one whole. I got the impression that they were trying to raise perfect children, and sexism would mean that the daughters would be excluded from the physical ‘masculine’ sense of play. The children are encouraged to be an equal unified threesome. I think their focus on the sons sexuality stemmed from the traditionally territorial hold parents have over their daughters bodies and sexualities, as through them lies the potential for offspring that will either reflect or detract from what the family want their future to be.

There is distrust with female sexuality, which is assumed to be monogamous – but what if daughter makes the wrong choice? Her genes and influence won’t be far-reaching like her promiscuous male counterparts. As such, parents tend to enshroud female sexuality, whilst being proud and even encouraging of their sons. If we believe that men do not get emotionally attached during sex, then the son could sleep with Christina and not develop feelings, whilst the daughters might have become attached and potentially been drawn away from their family through their romantic inclinations.

Christina tires of sex with the brother but seems to know how the dynamics of the household work – she promises the older sister presents if she will ‘lick’ her. Christina, as a security guard, and essentially, a buyer of sex, takes on a masculine role and reflects the fears of the parents; that their children may become homosexual, lecherous, purveyors and consumers of sex, fetishised.  We know that Christina is trusted and permitted access to the families’ inner circle, but we don’t know why; yes she is blindfolded and paid, but why does she not act? Why is she complicit in the fathers’ scheme? Is this a critique of how a consumerist, capitalist society loses sight of basic rights and wrongs when money is present? I think so. Big sums of money can silence logic, reason and conscience.

Christina brings her sex to the house and disrupts their isolated Eden. It is this act that seems to rouse oldest sisters’ curiosity and prompt her to request the tapes in exchange. Why is it that she selects these tapes? Has something been awakened in her due to her sexual encounter? There are some biblical references here that come in the form of temptation and sin (or what is arguably sin – I perceive it as the decision to choose free will). The movies ‘Bruce’ watches are violent films, which again reveal the fear of a dangerous outside world, depicted in our cultural obsession with dark materials and war, horror and thriller movies that now dominate the cinema.

It is these two dominating influences; violence and sex – so intrinsic in our own societies, which permeate the home and encourage her to look beyond. When Christina is relieved from her duties upon discovery, the son is permitted to select a daughter for his sexual release. He chooses the eldest and this further loss of innocence (the loss of the hymen) is compacted when ‘Bruce’ liberates herself of her dog-tooth, by smashing herself in the face with a dumbbell.

This re-enactment of the loss of her virginity is represented by her grotesque, stark bleeding and the interweaving of her rebellion and liberation, as well as the violent necessity of the process. I found the dog-tooth to have an affiliation with the presence of the hymen, which indicates wholesomeness, innocence and self-containment, once it is broken those traits are symbolically dispersed. The dog-tooth also holds these qualities – with it the children can remain in the home, if they lose it they are out.  ‘Bruce’ must offer up a sacrifice to the only Gods she knows – her parents, in exchange for freedom. Ironically, everything the parents fear for their children comes to the house. I can’t help but think; does this make them right? Christina does prove to be a bad influence…a very bad one indeed.

So what to make of this bleak and banal portrait of family life? There are distinctive similarities to the works of Lars Von Trier in terms of his dystopian outlook on society and its tendencies and this film acts as a microcosm of the wider world – a Petri dish of our own perversions exemplified beneath the microscope.  This movie has been described as ‘brilliant and bizarre’, ‘ingenious’ and ‘brilliant, dark and disconcertingly funny’. Though I would fundamentally agree that all of the above are true, the concept is more intriguing than the realisation. The unfleshed out back-story, which isn’t really necessary, still provokes a lot of incessant questioning in my frantic mind, and is more intriguing. Some of the scenes will make you squirm and the depiction of incest, self-mutilation and casual outbursts of violence and in-fighting will not cater to more sensitive palettes but this is a film that provokes much contemplation and discussion, with regards to how our identities, cultures, language and families are shaped by outside influences and for that reason, is well worth watching.

The film ends with ‘Bruce’ escaping the home only to lock herself in the boot of her father’s car showing that even if we desire to escape the hold of our conditioning, it is sometimes so engrained in us that escape is futile. We will keep coming back to the origin, to the source, to the trap – as the parents in this film intended.

Quote Blog: Winston Churchill

Winston: Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities… because it is the quality which guarantees all others.

Quote Blog: Mondays

Monday is the root of all evil.

Where Did The White Rabbit Go?

Alice flits about in her baby-blue dress,

The caterpillar blows smoke at her face,

She is very obviously distressed,

Wonderland is an overwhelming place!

“I saw him running to and fro!

Why, where did the white rabbit go?”

The Mad Hatter pours her a cup of tea.

The March Hares face is filled with insane glee.

The dormouse in her teacup is quite sleepy

Alice feels herself getting quite weepy.

“I saw him running to and fro!

Why, where did the white rabbit go?”

The Cheshire cat, in the tree, starts to grin.

She did not quite like the look on his face.

He seemed to lure her towards such bad things.

She thought of the rabbit she had to chase.

“I saw him running to and fro!

Why, where did the white rabbit go?”

The Queen of hearts wanted her roses red.

Anything less and they’d all end up dead.

Alice felt herself filled with such quaint dread.

The stout queen shouted out ‘off with her head!’

“I saw him running to and fro!

Why, where did the white rabbit go?”

‘The Man with the Beautiful Eyes’

This is the first of a new segment entitled ‘inspirations’ where I will share work from others that has inspired me.

This is a video entitled ‘The Man with the Beautiful Eyes’ which is based on a poem by Charles Bukowski of the same name. The animation was created by Jonathan Hodgson.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9WI9Zn0lRs

The House

Gobble, gobble! Yum, yum, yum!

Don’t tell Daddy! Don’t tell Mum!

I’m the daughter, you’re the son!

What we do is full of fun!

Open wide and take it down!

We are all smiles, not a frown!

I’ve got some sugar on my gown!

The chocolate is an amber brown!

Lick our lips, we’re wanting more!

Sugar pimp and candy whore!

Witch is standing at the door!

With liquorice making up her floor!

10 More Christmas Corkers

Christmas is so close you can practically see Santa already at your mantelpiece gobbling down mince pies fresh out of the chimney but there is still time to harness some of the ever-evasive Christmas spirit. If my last ten film suggestions didn’t do it for you, here are ten more which might just do the trick:

1. Toy Story

Pixar never fail to capture the essence of childhood by presenting us with sheer magic, wonderment, exhilaration and adventure. This is the story of Woody who harbours a not altogether unfounded fear that he is to be replaced as the object of owner Andy’s affections by new birthday present Buzz who seems to believe he is a real astronaut and not just an action figure.  The only glimpse of Christmas occurs right at the films climax as the toys gather in anticipation for what new arrivals are to crash-land this year but the journey of friendship, togetherness and teamwork will most likely kindle a warm Christmassy fire in your otherwise frostbitten heart.

2. Monty Python’s Meaning of Life

It’s a question we’ve all pondered many a time but the more the years pass; the less likely we are to reach a definitive answer. The Monty Python boys do a bloody good job of trying to ease us through a succession of skits that might just help us discover why we are all here and what the point of it all is. After edging us through the magic of procreation, over eaters and finicky waiters who have located their own purpose and are eager to share, we are presented with what life is all about (but don’t get your hopes up). So what does this have to do with Christmas you might say? Well apparently in heaven, it’s Christmas every day…yes that’s right…every single day. So get yourself a little piece of heaven on earth and get into the festive mood!

3. Eyes Wide Shut

Along with my prior two suggestions, this is not traditional Christmas fare. This is the Christmas film for the more surrealist, abstract viewer who enjoys a little mystery. Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman are Bill and Alice Harford, who on the face of it have it all. When Alice confesses that she only narrowly avoided temptation and very nearly cheated on Bill he embarks on a night-time adventure of bizarre erotic and sexual encounters. This all occurs around the Christmas period and reveals how our own desires and fantasies have become just as commercialised as Christmas itself.

4. About A Boy

No man is an island but eternal bachelor Nick Hornby would like to be. Christmas is traditionally a time for family and friends to come together, exchange gifts and celebrate. Not so for Nick, who would rather pass the day watching horror movies and smoking ungodly amounts of weed. Unfortunately for him, his opportunist attempts to get into the pants of London’s single mother scene cause him to crash-land into a very unique mother and son combination that slowly draw out his sense of family and unity (of course).

5. Edward Scissorhands

Christmas will never be the same for the Boggs family when they find themselves taking in Edward, the unfinished creation of an inventor, who is humanlike in his entirety except for his scissor hands. His skill with his scissors makes him a novelty in his new neighbourhood as a hedge-cutter and hair dresser although some take an instant dislike to him. He upsets the balance when he falls in love with Kim – a human girl who is already taken. This melancholy, gentle film celebrates the spirit of compassion and love and presents us with a world with a great influx of snow caused by Edwards ice sculptures as he witters away the time alone, set adrift from small minded suburbia.

6. The Harry Potter Series

I cannot select one film from the franchise so I’ve plumped for the series as a whole. Although a lot could have been tweaked and corrected to guarantee absolute perfection, this is the perfect story for children and inner children alike as Harry Potter is spirited away from a life of Cinderella servitude and informed that he is a wizard, but not just any wizard, the only wizard capable of defeating Lord Voldemort. The Christmas scenes add pleasant relief to the mounting evils that threaten to consume Hogwarts.

7. Bad Santa

The Coen brothers return with this black comedy where Santa is cynically cast as nothing more than a conniving conman. Whilst working as Santa in a mall, Willie (bad boy Billy Bob Thornton) alongside his friend Marcus disables the alarms every Christmas Eve and takes everything he can. This theft enables Willie to fuel his life of depraved debauch. This is the more sinister foil of ‘About a Boy’ as Willie confronts his demons when he develops a friendship with ‘the Kid’ and new flame Sue. Not all comedies include suicide, alcoholism and murder and for that reason alone, this film should be perfect for all Christmas scrooges.

8. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

In war torn England, the four Pevensie children discover a world within a wardrobe, in which they find a landscape cursed with perpetual winter for over a hundred years but with no sight of Christmas. Most children and adults alike will be familiar with the Narnia Chronicles and the children’s attempt to expel the witch and return Christmas to the land. The blankets of snow and the triumph of the siblings over the cruel Jadis make welcome Christmas viewing.

9. Christmas with the Kranks

Luther and Nora’s daughter is AWOL for the holidays serving in Peru on a Peace Corps assignment. The couple then find themselves blighted with empty nest syndrome just in time for the holidays, finding no reason to celebrate without their daughters’ presence in the home. Their choice to simply ignore Christmas and instead use their savings to embark on a luxury cruise ostracises them from their community, who eagerly try to lure them back in with some Yuletide spirit. The Kranks soon find that it isn’t so easy to bow out gracefully from the festivities.

 10. Lady and the Tramp

Disney sprinkles magic over every story it tells and this classic is no different. On Christmas morning, Jim Dear presents his wife Darling with a beautiful cocker spaniel named Lady. Lady endures the usual trials and tribulations that a cartoon dog finds herself faced with; unrequited love for an adventurous dog named Tramp, run-ins with exotic felines and the threat of replacement when a baby is due, but by the following Christmas everything turns around for Lady who finds herself with a family of her own.

Wants My Meat

Yum yum, wolfy wants to eat!

Yum yum, wolfy wants my meat!

His eyes grow large, he starts to growl.

He imagines me falling, bruising, saying ‘ow!’

I pull my cloak above my head.

The wolfy is picturing me dead.

But not before he gets me in grandmas bed.

If I had a gun, i’d pump him with lead!

My heart it starts to skip a beat,

I’m skipping down a country street.

The flowers they all fall away,

It’s a pretty summers day.

The wolfy looks a friendly sort,

in clothes he clearly hasn’t brought.

But suddenly i’m suprised to see,

its not a wolfy staring at me.

Looking at me is my biggest fan.

Why looking at me is a man!

12 ‘Resolutions’

Inspired by a fellow blogger, I’ve decided to share a list not so much of resolutions but of things I want to achieve if not next year (and it wont be feasibly possible to do them all) then at some point over the next few years.

The reason for this is that resolutions themselves can feel pretty stifling…’by the end of this year I must have done x, y and x…’…and it’s just not always realistic to always accomplish something in a year…most resolutions really are more long-term goals that tend to fall by the wayside due to the resolutions tag. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves when we give ourselves a time limit and a start date but with no real build up. Its like asking someone to run a marathon on the ‘bang’ of January 1st without so much as a hamstring stretch.

So I’ve decided instead to share a few dreams and desires of mine that I wish to pursue over the next year and beyond, things I’ve always dreamed of doing with no hesitations and no limitations, and the great thing about this list is that it doesn’t matter how crazy, inane or impossible those things may be, because at the end of the day it’s just a list and I think you can learn a lot about people from the lists they make and the answers they give to certain questions that expose more about who they really are and what they really want.

So jabbering aside, here is a list of things I hope to achieve or experience in 2012 and onwards!

1) Camp America – Note to self: at least consider applying. I’ve always had this dream of a great American road trip, hindered only by the fact that I can’t drive and have a worse sense of direction that a blind battery hen. Plus, I have a bit of an obsession with all things American.

2) Go on that All American Road Trip – This is the logical progression of my Camp America Trip. Drive around or be in the car of a licensed driver, and see all the sights that the US of A has to offer.

3) Communicate with a gorilla using sign language – This one might sound more random and essentially it is. Ever since I saw Koko the gorilla watch a movie and express herself using sign language, I really wanted to have the opportunity to communicate with a gorilla myself in this way. I am so obsessed with animals I should probably be one (and arguably I am) but gorillas hold a special place in my heart. I’d love to just wander through a forest ‘chatting’ with an ape…holding onto the faint fear that it may decide to rip my head off at any moment and eat my remains.

4) Finish at least one novel - Another one of my life long loves is writing which was of course my main motivation for starting a blog. I always have a bazillion and one ideas for stories and then struggle to flesh them out and make them real, and then the middle kind of collapses in on itself and I have no idea how to dig myself out of the hole I’ve created. I’d love to complete a novel so that even if it was never published I could read it to any potential kids or grandkids I may have. Never know – it might rake in some money when I’m dead!

5) See the pyramids! - I’ve kind of romanticised my notion of Egypt to an unhealthy extent. Just like Americans travelling to England expecting to see Mary Poppins and Oliver Twist running around, I half expect Tutankhamun to greet me at the airport himself. As such I can only be dissapointed, but I just really want to see the pyramids!

6) Learn piano - I’m quite envious of people who can play an instrument and play it well. Past all the technical, fiddly hours of frustration, I think it’s an amazing way to unwind and relax. I chose piano because I love the sound and the simplicity compared to other instruments. I’d love to play the Violin but I don’t think I have the patience for that!

7) Win a writing competition – I’ve entered a few competitions and though I’ve always received positive feedback, I’ve never grasped the coveted position of first place. I would just love the recognition (and the prize money).

8) Learn to cook – As in, really cook! COOK WELL. I can cook but just a lot of basics. I’d like to be able to pull off some more complicated and exotic recipes. God knows when I’ll find the time in between learning all that sign language and piano!

9) Start meditating – I’ve tried a few times but I get bored and get up. There’s something about sitting still, closing your eyes and emptying your mind that is surprisingly hard to do. I think it would be good for me though…it would teach me to let go, stop being a clock watcher and be more patient.

10) Learn to drive - eventually. To be honest this isn’t high on my priority list but it’s still something I’d like to be able to do. But I’m only learning automatic. I can’t be arsed with manual.

11) Keep in touch with family - It’s so easy to get so stuck in your own schedule that you take for granted the people that you value the most (this also applies to friends). I hope I will make more effort with the people I care about even if countries and time zones separate us.

12) Declutter - Like my grandmother before me I have a real aversion to throwing anything away which I believe is a genetically inherited tendency. It’s all there somewhere, my year 1 maths book, that key ring I bought in Florida, birthday cards I’ll never look at again…I don’t want to throw away anything but if I don’t need it and I don’t want it, I really gotta learn to let it go.

If you want to check out the blog that inspired my post please visit http://sportsjim81.wordpress.com/

I hope you enjoy making and not breaking your resolutions for this year!

Quote Blog: New Year

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Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to. – Bill Vaughn

Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits. – Author Unknown

Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it’s twice as onerous a duty. – John Selden

Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year’s resolutions, and I’ve stuck with it ever since. – Dave Beard

Drink and be thankful to the host! What seems insignificant when you have it, is important when you need it. – Franz Grillparzer

Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties. – Helen Keller
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. – Einstein
One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this — To rise above the little things. – John Burroughs

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called “Opportunity” and its first chapter is New Year’s Day. – Edith L. Pierce

If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people. – Confucius

To the old, long life and treasure; To the young, all health and pleasure. – Ben Jonson

Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot. – Michael Altshuler

Happy 2012 to all subscribers, visitors, readers and passers-by! I hope 2012 brings you all you could wish for and more and that we can all make it a memorable year for all the right reasons.

Celebrity Big Brother 2012

Aired: 05.01.2012

Channel: 5

For those who’ve never heard of Big Brother (and I expect they form a minority group of narcoleptics, adventures and warrior tribesman from far flung Islands), this reality show has become somewhat of a British institution.

The pioneering spirit of the Americans, children of the pilgrims, have a preference for down and dirty Survivor and the dog against dog Beauty and the Geek, but for the British, home of bad weather and cosy fires, we like to watch a dozen people shoved into a house for a long duration of time whilst eagerly awaiting the cabin fever to set in.

For many people, the highlight of their summer is sitting on their sofa crying over evictions and deciphering whether people are having sex from the movement of covers and the stifled sounds intermittently sparking into their microphones.

When Big Brother first emerged back in 2000 it was a Channel 4 product that was marketed to us in an entirely different way. It was on late at night and was depicted as being more of an experiment as well as a game show, a way of monitoring how people lived when watched and exploring their psychology.

Fast forward several years and the show has vacated to Channel 5 and in keeping with the sensationalised times, has become far less low key, and instead a more edgy, desperate, grappling kind of show, eager for viewers and eager for housemates. One way of achieving this was to convince celebrities to move into the house. What could be more exciting than watching normal people living their lives on camera than watching celebrities with strategically marketed images to uphold, completely change our perceptions of who they are in one racially heated argument?

In my youth, I was a complete and utter Big Brother obsessive but for the last few years I realised I’d ‘outgrown’ the show – the formula was never any different and the contestants were always variants of the same stereotypical staples, selected to maximise the potential for arguments, sexual trysts and complete mental melt downs. As such it’s kind of embarrassing to admit you like watching this show. It’s like confessing to harbouring a penchant for watching prisoners fry in the electric chair or seeing kittens thrown into the ocean.

Sadly, channel hopping last night (always dangerous…I should stick to regular hopping), I found myself watching the contestants entering the house and I pray for strength because I might just regress and get sucked into this weird, warped world.

For those who are interested, here is a rundown of the latest celebrity contestants. Some are from years gone by, others are successful names, I have no idea who some of them are…either way, their motivation is usually to gain a little of the colloquial, every-day sheen that Big Brother manages to baste its contestants with, in the vague hope that they might just be able to use the show as a platform to greater success and social and cultural relevance. Maybe it’s just a case that the recession has hit the celebs just as hard as us normal folk:

1.       Natalie Cassidy

Natalie Cassidy was well known as established character Sonia Fowler on British soap Eastenders – a look at the life of a group of East End errr people who lived in the small and incestuous Albert Square. As such its rather fitting that Natalie should leap from one British institution to another, embracing the potential of reality TV.  She has since produced a fitness DVD and stared in numerous documentaries and projects. Bizarrely, Natalie Cassidy alone is what has endeared me to this latest series.

2.       Michael Madsen

Big Brother always gets ahead of itself by seeking out big names from across the pond, but whilst we once might have scoffed at BB’s gall, the fact that they’ve managed to get people like Pamela Anderson and Jackie Stallone on board reveals the shows terrifying power. I still have no idea what strings they had to pull to get Michael Madsen to say yes. Michael is memorable from a catalogue of film roles including Free Willy and Reservoir Dogs and dare I say, is far too good for this show. Big Brother tends to wipe the sheen off of many an apple, but I’m still hoping that Michael emerges as the winner!

3. Andrew Stone

You might recall Andrew from reality show ‘Pineapple Dance Studio’ where he emerged as an eccentric and frankly hilarious caricature of a ’metrosexual’ performer, outdone only by co-star Louis Spence who liked to prance and dance his way around the studio. There’s something equally endearing and irritating about Andrew. I wouldn’t know whether to punch him or hold him tight to my bosom.

4.       K and K

For me the most interesting fact about this American Playboy duo is not the fact that they slept with Hugh Heffner (and probably together) but the fact that they are twins AND Libras (far too much duplication going on!). Every series has to include the staple of the sexy blonde, and this series has given viewers two for the price of one. Possibly an Americanised version of the ‘Samanda’ twins from an earlier series.

5. Frankie Cocozza

Anyone who has watched this years X Factor will be aware of Brighton Boy Frankie, who disappeared from the show under a storm cloud of controversy following his dismissal by mentor Gary Barlow (that has to hurt). In celebrity land though, there really is no such thing as getting the sack…Big Brother is always around to collect the dregs and allow them to circle the drain before their final flush into no-man’s land. Presumably, Frankie is here to redeem himself and tell his side of the story.

6. Gareth Thomas

I have to say, as someone that does not follow Rugby and probably never will, I have no idea who Gareth Thomas is but supposedly he is a former Welsh Rugby player who achieved much success prior to his retirement. Also, intriguingly, he is gay and has done much to support the difficulties surrounding the predicament of coming out in such a masculine and traditional environment.

7. Nicola McLean

Again I must confess I have no idea who Nicola McLean is…but she has posed for Page 3 nearly 300 times which might mean she becomes the new house pin up (that will most certainly drag the young male viewing demographic in this year). Being married to a famous footballer, Nicola is not a fan of girls who sleep with married men which might cause her to spar with another housemate…

 8. Kirk Norcross

Everyone seems obsessed with The Only Way is Essex (TOWIE), a reality show from ‘stereotype in a can’ style TV that claims to showcase the REAL life’s of a group of Essex young things, one being Kirk himself. Kirk owns ‘Sugar Hut’ one of the shows hubs of lively socialising and is a bit of a cheeky chappy. He is also the ex-boyfriend of former contestant and glamour model Amy Childs (you might remember her from my earlier TV review ‘It’s All about Amy’)

9. Georgia Salpa

The exotic Irish model who has frequently been compared to American counterpart Kim Kardashian, Georgia is somewhat of an up and coming star in Ireland having advertised and modelled her way through an assault course for pretty much every product and company going! She will most likely catch the eye of Kirk Norcross who has confessed for having a little crush on Kim Kardashian lookalikes!

10. Natasha Giggs

This is where Big Brother becomes a moral minefield. We all know the path to fame is littered with backstabbed bodies, shattered dreams and little sprinkles of cocaine…but we also know that one easy breezy short cut to this revered state is to have an affair with a famous man and then have it reach the tabloids. Natasha Giggs, sister in law of Ryan, blew up in the media earlier this year when it was revealed that she slept with her married brother in law but was only one of his many extra-marital affairs. On the surface, Natasha is a controversial choice, encouraging promiscuity and infidelity as a guaranteed path to achieve success and money. She isn’t the best role model, but that is the nature of the fame game.

11. Romeo

If you had a thing for mainstream garage back in the early noughties, you might recall Romeo from garage group So Solid Crew (other notable members include Harvey and Lisa Mafia…and I have no recollection of anyone else).If not this might just spark your memory:  ”2 multiplied by 10, plus 1, Romeo done”. With lyrics as groundbreaking as these, it’s not hard to see why the group enjoyed such high profile success

Most people seemed to bicker over whether they preferred Romeo or Harvey, but if I had a preference, I would be a Romeo girl, as he seems a soft-spoken gentleman with a little more going on beneath the surface. Then again he did rename himself Romeo, which suggests either an ill-fated romantic fictional figure, or a massive lothario.

12. Denise Welch

Most people like a loose woman, cue Denise Welch, renowned actress and television presenter and panellist who enjoys talking sex, marriage and affairs. She’s bound to do a far bit of straight talking once she’s let loose.

So will you watch?

What are your views on Big Brother?

Who would you like to win?

New Girl (Pilot Episode) – We wont be saying ‘go to hell’ to Ms Deschanel

Aired: 6th January 2012

Channel: 4

Zooey Deschanel can act awkward, desperate and gawky to a T. It’s her ‘thing’. Jennifer Anniston’s booked the ‘eternally Rachel riding out a series of emotional relationship-related rollercoaster’s’ gig and Meg Ryan was the Queen of the blonde, ditzy rom-com girls. We seem to like actors that play a type and then deliver that type in a succession of identical roles with only alternating names, fellow characters and scenarios to differentiate them from the last.  Perhaps we don’t like to be surprised. Zooey’s ‘thing’ is to act the goofy cross of E.T and Katy Perry’s backwater cousin on demand, but she’s a pretty cute and endearing girl with lamp-light blue eyes, so it seems to work for her. As such, it was only really a matter of time before she became the titular character in her own sitcom.

Zooey is Jessica ‘Jess’ Day, whose well-meaning world falls apart when she discovers that her boyfriend Spencer has been cheating on her. After cavorting around the room nude trying to play erotic with a potted plant and a cushion, Jess realises she needs to call time on the relationship and find some new lodgings. This is the concept of New Girl, Foxes latest American offering which is sure to succeed once it washes up on UK waters, all bug-eyed and irritating.

The premise of the pilot episode was that with great immediacy, Jess had located the perfect apartment on Craigslist where she finds herself berated with questions from the three settled housemates. Jess is a goldfish in a piranha tank, a kitten in a petshop of pit bulls…a…well you get the drift. There’s Nick (Jake Johnson) whose suffered a breakup of his own six months ago (but he’s over it…*sarcasm off*), Schmidt (Max Greenfield), the douche of the group who is a high flying lawyer and womaniser extraordinaire (his name also allows for endless word play such as ‘Hey Schmidt stain!’), and Coach, (Damon Wayans Jr.) a shouty, angry, angry young man who can’t talk to women but can shout your body into shape in sessions.  Sadly, Coach is out after the pilot so don’t get too used to him.

Jess’s awkward, bumbling interview technique finally strikes a chord with her unimpressed hosts when she reveals that she has a hot model bestie CeCe (Hannah Simone) so the boys naturally accept her as their fourth and final flatmate. They soon begin to regret their choice when Jess degenerates into floods of tears at any given opportunity, watches Dirty Dancing on repeat and bursts into spontaneous song.  The boys decide that the only way to cheer Jess up and escape the insanity of her effervescently cheery personality is to get her a rebound.

With the boy’s expert coaching, Jess manages to secure herself a rebound date, by saying little, laughing at all of his jokes and demanding rebound sex. Unfortunately, the date doesn’t pan out due to Jess’s childlike neediness and text onslaughts. The boys, booked up with a party, decide to come to her aid and serenade her with ‘Time of My Life’.

This show has been heralded as something of a ‘new Friends’. I don’t think it’s quite that, even if there is something of the OCD Monica and the cloud cuckoo land Phoebe in Jess’s character and a vague remnant of Joey hovering around Schmidt. Nonetheless, it’s a sweet and funny, slightly indie look at 3 guys and 1 girl in a flat share looking to live life and find love. I don’t know if Jess will becoming slightly unpalatable as the series wears on but for now her fish out of water kookiness seems to be going down well. I’m also looking forward to finding out whether Jess finds long-term love with one of her three flatmates…watch this space…

Inspirations: Go out there & get it videos!

I thought I’d share a couple of inspirational videos that might help those starting to flounder with their new years resolutions!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujMP41Rphzc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6wRkzCW5qI

I would really recommend both for an instant pick me up!

‘Regret’

There is a quiet feeling called Regret, that stirs inside me yet.

A pang from far away, a forgotten summer day.

A lazy languish in the pool of yore, a memory pushed to the fore.

I could yet dissolve in a mountain of tears, the giddy altitude of my fears.

I see the face, I feel the hurt. The heavens they are giving birth.

I remember you, I can’t forget. I try to, it’s not happened yet.

The strike of lightning on a calm day, the wind blows all the sea away.

You are the thunderbolt down my life. That one moment of unremitting strife.

Advice from a 90 year old!

I’m not usually one for passing on the dreaded ‘chain email’, but I promise you this email won’t threaten you with the sinister implication of death if you don’t forward it to at least seven of your friends, nor will your crush kiss you at midnight should you decide to pass it on.

This is tried and tested advice from a been-there-done-that 90-year-old, and I think it’s worth blogging for you all to read They say youth is wasted on the young, so sometimes it takes someone who’s lived a good few years to remind us of what matters and what doesn’t.

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This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of Cleveland, Ohio .

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I’ve ever written.My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry..

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come…

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

 

Inspirations: Innocence

 

The World According to Paris…Einstein it ain’t

Paris Hilton is Barbie incarnate. From her Repunzle-esque butter-blonde hair to her bottomless blue eyes to the general pristine, fresh out of the box perfection and cleanliness she radiates, there’s no doubt about it – she is Hollywood’s Z-list blonde. She’s pampered, preened and perfect. Notorious heiress and scandalised socialite, she rocketed to fame off the back of a homemade porn tape released by an ill-fated ex boyfriend. Plus she’s got that Disney star grin.

She became a household name and poster child of spoilt, shallow and stupid (and sexy) whilst being silly and skedaddling about and getting up to various sensationalised scandals and shenanigans with former friend Nicole Richie. Paris was the clown-footed beanpole and Nicole was the cheeky cherubic one. The two cavorted around caravans and harassed their new households for money in the send-up of their selfishness ‘The Simple Life’ and since then, I don’t really know what Paris has been up to, aside from collecting a menagerie of exotic animals and brushing her hair in front of the mirror whilst attempting and pretty much succeeding (for a time) at breaking into the world of film (she took a pole through the head in ‘House of Wax’ and hooked up with a black actor to quash those racism rumours).

It seemed that the reality TV star crown had passed from Paris to the Kardashian sisters (one of which, Kim, also leapfrogged her way to fame thanks to a porn tape). It was now the turn of the doe-eyed, deep-tanned brunettes to saunter about acting moronic and moany, ‘entertaining’ us with their day-to-day stints in ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’. But Paris seems to have awakened from her dead-pan, fish-eyed slumber in latest reality offering ‘The World According to Paris’. It’s not exactly Stephen Hawking’s answer to how the universe was formed, but there you have it.

So what do we learn about Paris? In her syrupy, sugary, sickening voice over’s, Paris informs us that she’s having to crash at sister Nicky’s pad after her residence is broken into. We also learn that Paris is somewhat intolerant of new assistant Lexie’s side job as a writer of porn scenarios forcing her to choose between penning naughty sex scenes and working for Queen Parie. But there must be more right? Yes…there is. Paris can’t stomach her 8 am community service stint, nor can she stand close friend Brooke’s, (ex of Charlie ‘Winning’ Sheen) new assistant, whom she refers to with ironic short-sightedness as a ‘hungry tiger’. Paris has also bagged herself a boyfriend, Las Vegas club owner Cy, but the fabric of their wafer thin relationship is stretched to breaking point when a married with children ex begins to bombard her with texts.

For me, reality TV is a guilty pleasure. You don’t admit to watching it in the cold, harsh light of day. You watch it by candlelight, half hidden behind the sofa, with the curtains drawn and the subtitles on with cheetos in your hair. Then you go to work and talk about that awesome documentary you watched about the dangers of climate change. The truth is there is something inherently watchable about trash TV, and that includes the slew of ‘em from Jersey Shore to Teen Mom, and there is something fascinating (yes I said it) about trying to decipher whether Paris is a carefully constructed image, a sort of blur between Marilyn Monroe and a Cindy doll, or just a genuinely vacuous little girl lost in Hollyweird. In the world of silver screen blondes, she’s the curdled cream that rises to the top of the milk jar – the antithesis, the send-up, the satire of the beautiful, breathy blonde.

For the most part, Paris shows herself to be cold, narcissistic, judgemental, hypocritical, delusional and insufferable and her ‘world’ is equally so. Paris doesn’t realise that she herself is a ‘hungry tiger’ – desperate for a crumb of fame and to bask in the limelight of reflected success. If I can admire Paris for one thing, it’s her inability to bow down to the boob job brigade, but as Paris confides that the baby girl voice has gotten her everything she’s wanted and jostles her way through adult relationships like an emotionally immature, attention-whoring 13 year old, you realise that Nicole Richie might have settled down and levelled out, but Paris is still projecting…well, Paris, a facade with all the depth of a Disneyland ride. She hasn’t really changed and she’s not quite ready to show us the ‘real’ her.

Quote Blog: Rita Hayworth

I think all women have a certain elegance about them which is destroyed when they take off their clothes – Rita Hayworth

Waking up is hard to do…

Waking up to me, often feels like entering the seventh circle of hell. I feel like I’ve woken up during the apocalypse or in a Samuel Beckett novel. My brain a jumble, my face mashed into the pillow like a pie that’s fallen off a window ledge. Alongside all the horrific human experiences that we are routinely subjected to and must endure, visits to the dentist or appraisal meetings, waking up is one of the most doggedly determined – you have to deal with this particular beast every morning, without fail, for the rest of your life. Sometimes when I consider this, I die a little inside.

Now there is an unusual breed of people that I like to refer to as ‘day walkers’. These people thrive on the dawning of a new day and flutter out of bed like feathers, whilst you gradually pop up like a depressed slab of ‘I can’t believe it’s not butter’. See us ‘non-morning-people’ are like the reluctant ketchup you have to bang to get out of the bottle. I mistrust these folk, just as I mistrust their creepy cousin ‘the chronic smiler’ or the ‘cheer up, it might never happen’ brigade. They are direct descendents of the ‘Stepford Wife’. Sometimes these people say things like ‘the glass is always half full!’ even whilst holding an empty plastic cup…or ‘go for gold slugger’.

These people are also satanic, possibly sociopathic and generally mentally unwell. They spring up out of bed three hours early, make a banquet for breakfast, and go for a morning run and/or swim/sky-dive/generally do-gooder activity. In fact, in the wee hours of the morning before my snooze button goes off, these people have probably begun to uncover a cure for cancer and are shimmying nearer to the application of world peace. They are at work at the start of play with perfect hair, skin, teeth and worst of all, irritatingly perfect lunches that look as if they were prepared by pixies. As I said before, these people are emotionally damaged and should be afforded pity. The best solution when dealing with such people is to slowly attempt to suck their joy away, by infecting them vicariously with your misery. If all else fails, it may be necessary to punch them in the face.

Even if I woke up to the melodic refrain of tropical birds and the gentle lashings of the water sucking up to golden sand, instead of bucketing rain and a dingy, hellish commute, I might still be tempted to draw the blinds and shut out the incessant interference of the outside world. They say the world is full of miracles, but unless it’s Christ’s resurrection or Tom Hardy at my door, the madness of my own brain will have to do.

Here’s how to tell if, like me, you just aren’t a morning person:

1)      You have a love/hate relationship with the snooze button with feelings alternating between relief and deep, unrelenting hatred.

2)      You invented the snooze button.

3)      You set your alarm two hours earlier than necessary with the intention of a productive day well spent, but the short sighted euphoria of making the most of your time is quickly clouded by fresh doubts such as ‘I’d only end up watching Jeremy Kyle anyway’ to ‘the outside world isn’t ready for me yet’.

4)      You prefer the world in your own head to the one outside.

5)      You seriously entertain thoughts of homicide between the hours of 6-10 am. In extreme cases, these thoughts may continue throughout the day in sporadic bursts as you are reminded that you were robbed of sleep.

6)      Slinging your feet over the side of the bed is akin to climbing Everest – unrealistic and unfeasible at 7.30.

7)      When someone wakes you up ten minutes before your alarm or worst of all, interrupts a well timed snooze session, you consider arranging their assassination.

8)      You don’t speak between the hours of 6 and 10 and when you do, you spout bitter, cynical, acidic bile of hate and Satan.

9)      You hate all the things you love; your partner for snoring, the sun for shining, your favourite TV show for keeping you up, the song you selected as your snooze button becomes as infuriating as elevator ‘muzak’.

10)   The most appropriate song to depict your mental state is ‘Smack my bitch up’ by prodigy or this. For those that can’t hear the link, it’s the kind of music you would expect in hells waiting room.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2S2_kLodIc

11)   You wish you were a bear so that you could hibernate undisturbed.

12)   You try to convince people that you are a bear with some well placed cat hair shavings glued securely to the relevant places.

13)   You attempt to move into a cave in the woods to complete your bear metamorphosis, but the perils of orienteering, hunger and poachers act as a deterrent.

14)   All things come second to sleep, including but not limited to, a hearty breakfast, making the train, brushed hair, matching socks and spending five more minutes with loved ones.

15)   You are not only unsociable in the small hours, but also on the brink of violence, insanity and delusions, like our friend Milhouse and his ‘reverse vampire’ theory.

16)   Sometimes you get up so late that you don’t really understand what ‘morning’ is.

If this is you, then you aren’t alone my friend. Don’t let the time Nazi’s stop you from having a lie in!

Quote Blog: Dreams

“God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow in them.  ” – Unknown

Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll…what 4 things give your life meaning?

At different stages in our lives, different things are important to us. In childhood, we crave stimulation and variety, but we also need guidelines, boundaries and role models to help ensure that we survive this vulnerable developmental stage whilst also sating our indomitable curiosity about the world. In adolescence, we might be drawn to rebellious pursuits and tumultuous relationships. In adulthood, it might be our careers, reliable romantic lives or a desire for children that take centre stage. In our later years, we may find our contentment in grandchildren, travel or personal hobbies and interests.

The below table sets out Freud and Erikson’s separate theories on what we need at any given stage to develop into the people we become.

Approximate Ages	Freud’s Stages of Psychosexual Development	Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development
Birth to 1 year	Oral Stage A child’s primary source of pleasure is through the mouth, via sucking, eating and tasting.	Trust vs. Mistrust Children learn to either trust or mistrust their caregivers.
1-3 years	Anal Stage Children gain a sense of mastery and competence by controlling bladder and bowel movements.	Autonomy vs. Doubt Children develop self-sufficiency by controlling activities such as eating, toilet training and talking.
3-6 years	Phallic Stage The libido’s energy is focused on the genitals. Children begin to identify with their same-sex parent.	Initiative vs. Guilt Children begin to take more control over their environment.
7-11 years	Latent Period The libido’s energy is suppressed and children are focused on other activities such as school, friends and hobbies.	Industry vs. Inferiority Children develop a sense of competence by mastering new skills.
Adolescence	Genital Stage Children begin to explore romantic relationships.	Identity vs. Role Confusion Children develop a personal identify and sense of self.
Adulthood	According to Freud, the genital stage lasts throughout adulthood. He believed the goal is to develop a balance between all areas of life.	Intimacy vs. Isolation Young adults seek out romantic love and companionship. Generativity vs. Stagnation Middle-aged adults nurture others and contribute to society. Integrity vs. Despair Older adults reflect on their lives, looking back with a sense of fulfilment or bitterness.

 

Similarly, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (pictured below), also highlights what matters to us at different stages in time:

 

What spurred on my current interest in what we all want out of life was a discussion on topical chat show ‘The Wright Stuff’ during which panellists, callers and audience members shared the four  thoughts, emotions or pursuits that shaped their life’s – the things that mattered. One caller explained that exploration, adventure, consciousness and ethics were what mattered to him, my mother ventured health, love, contentment and happiness and achievement for all those she loved. One particularly apathetic panellist, Frankie Cocozza could not see beyond the superficiality of sating his own desires for fame, sex and drink. But what the show was inviting us to do was look deeper, and to think about what we really do want, not what we think we want, say we want, pretend we want, or what others want for us.

 What are your deepest darkest desires? What is your untold wish? What would bring you happiness? What do you want life to give you? What do you want from others? What matters to you?

 Do you want power, success, contentment, love, to make a difference, to win awards, to be recognised, to be applauded, accepted, to push boundaries, to be free?

At any given stage in time, what we want may change. We may decide we want to learn to paint or play the saxophone. We may end relationships, pursue new careers or move house. What these changes really reflect is that something in us wants something different. I believe deeply, that outside of what culture, society, religion, media, and even those that love us dictate; we know for ourselves instinctively what would make us happy. If we hack away at the superficiality of appearances, material possessions and renown, what do we really want? A desire to be beautiful and admired would suggest what we truly want is acceptance and admiration. Cravings for material wealth would suggest a desire for stability and security. Renown would suggest we want to be recognised for an achievement and for others to recognise what we are capable of.

In light of this, I have tried to narrow down my own wants and dreams, my own expectations and desires for my life into four sections, which truthfully is a difficult thing to do.

 

Health

Until my mother suggested health, this one did not even enter my mind, but without health, mental, emotional and physical, we can’t achieve much at all. It’s easy to take for granted the ability to walk, see, hear, speak, sleep soundly and know that another day is sure to follow. Someone suffering with cancer, dementia, depression or severe arthritis, can’t necessarily see past the pain and misery of day to day existence to the dreams that lie beyond. Health is important and essential for all else to follow. For this reason, I hope that life blesses me with good health so that I can make my dreams come true.

 

Adventure

All the worlds a playground and I believe each person deserves at least one adventure. We are obsessed with films, music, games and the internet. This suggests to me that we all enjoy getting lost in alien worlds, that are often virtual and artificial, but how amazing would it be if our adventures could be real, tangible, could become a memory? Your idea of an adventure might be a love affair, travelling the world, going on a road trip or camping in the woods. I have a deep desire to see the world and take it all in for the rush of the new and the exciting and for the newfound appreciation of home when I return. I hope that the world always interests me and always offers voyages, exploration and adventure.

 

Success

Your successes and achievements may not comfort you when you are sick but I believe each person is born with their own unique interests, talents and motivators. To live life making a living out of the talents, passions and interests that bring you joy and fulfilment is something that matters a lot to me. Essentially we live in a world of offices and retail and many of us have to settle for these positions at one time or another. I wish that I am free to use my talents and interests to provide my source of income and bring about my own success.

 

Love

I would think this one would be on everyone’s list. It is after all, the most important thing. Love for your family, friends, neighbours, communities, animals, nature and yourself. Love for the small things that make you smile and the big things that change your life. Joy and gratitude for the things that go right, and acceptance and tolerance when things go wrong. Love makes the world go round and I wish that my life is filled with people and things to love, and that they’ll love me too. Individual relationships may not work out and people may let you down, but love is not restricted to one person or one experience. True love is the love of life and of living and of sharing that with all you meet, however long they may be with you.

What four things form the bedrock of your life? I hope that you achieve them and bring them into action whenever and however you can.

Announcement: Blog Hiatus

Hi all!

As I will be in Thailand for a month come saturday morning working with rescue elephants, my blog may be updated far less frequently (if I get the chance to update at all!)

I return March 5th so expect lots of updates from then onwards!

Thank you to all those who have checked out my blog or become followers, and thank you to all those who have left feedback and supportive comments – it makes my day to read them

I hope you will check back in a months time.

Lots of love

K

xxxx

Quote Blog: Fear

Feel the fear & do it anyway! – Susan Jeffers

 

Just Me: Weird Feelings!

So I’ve been in an unusual place lately. Perhaps for a year now, I’ve felt what the French refer to as ‘ennui’. I learnt this poncy word studying literature at university but for those who have not yet come across it, ‘ennui’ generally translates to mean a great feeling of dissatisfaction and boredom and for that year, that’s the feeling that encapsulated my life. I was going through the motions of what I thought might provoke some sense of joy or fulfilment. I was doing the surface, shallow things that don’t mean much if they aren’t backed up by something more meaningful at a deeper level. On paper, everything looked good. I was working a job and earning good money. This job also gave me a lot of time off which is not something you could shake a stick at. My family are from heaven and I have some incredible friends who make me laugh and are always there for me. Despite this, I felt cornered, trapped and pretty exasperated. Life just seemed like a never ending grind, and I wasn’t getting much pleasure or liberty out of it.

What I came to realise, slowly, was that I hate London. I hate the pace of life, I hate the rat race, I hate prioritising money and possessions over experiences and accomplishments. I hate sitting in the same dreary carriage on the same dreary train in the same dreary weather day after day because I feel obligated to some notion of earning money and getting caught in the web that we all get stuck in to some degree: ‘I need money. I NEED IT. Because without it I won’t be able to eat at that restaurant or see that movie or buy that house or have that wedding or BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH’. Now these are what they call #firstworldproblems on twitter, because it’s all too easy to moan and groan about these things when you live a cushy life where you can afford to sit around and complain. Richer financially yes, but I don’t know that I’m richer mentally, emotionally or spiritually. Now there are a lot of great things about London, but I’ve lived here my whole life. Frankly, I’m bored of it. At this stage in my life at least, London has nothing else for me.

Recently I had an experience that changed a lot of things for me. I’ve always been a very ambitious and adventurous person, but those two qualities have always been buried beneath an avalanche of fear and mistrust of my own intentions. The part of me that hungers and hankers for far flung adventures, the part that is magical and free, that dreams, dances and wishes, meets with a very constricting individual who urges me to stay on the path and do the ‘right’ thing (the right thing translating to mean the path that has been trodden many times before.) The thing about the right thing and the well-trodden path is that, even if you hate it, even if you get to the end and think ‘god I wasted my time’, you’ll be in good company, because that’s the way most of us head, but if you deviate and end up hating it, you are more in the minority. That’s what’s scary about going ‘off-road’. Still this part of me that wanted an adventure was getting louder. So loud it managed to push the fear away and I signed up for a volunteering project called Wildlife Friends Foundation Thailand. Animals are my big passion and I really wanted to do something positive. I think everyone has their own reasons for doing so, some catalyst in your own life that encourages you to reach out and attempt to do something for someone else. My catalyst was the encroaching boredom. Nothing will strangle you more.

This experience (and I will blog about it more thoroughly later as there is much to say) taught me several vital things about myself that were buried for a long time:

1)      I can do the thing I fear most

2)      I am not incompetent

3)      I can survive on a lot less; less money, less clothes, less comfort, less food

4)      I can stand on my own two feet

5)      I can be a friend to myself

6)      I can be strong for others

7)      I am not satisfied by the 9-5 office grind

8)      People are people the world over; everyone has their own pain, their own hurt, their own suffering and everyone has something or someone they would like to run away from

9)      Every culture and every people has something to teach you, and also something to learn from you

10)   You can’t hide from your passions and dreams forever

Now, back home, I realise nothing is keeping me here. The feeling of being trapped and of feeling claustrophobic is back again. My family and friends are all that keep me here. The job? The job is just £ for the bank. The city? London no longer feels like home. It feels like a strange place.

So what do I need? A plan. I need to take some action. This strange mood is kinda hard to take for sure…I’ve never felt so antsy and restless, so consumed by wanderlust and so bored and disinterested in things that I would expect on some level to intrigue me. TV ads to me now are just trying to sell me what I don’t need. They are part of the trap. Shopping now is like an extortionate consumerist nightmare. Work is just a way to fund a lifestyle I’m not sure I even want, and have also thought I’ve never wanted since the age of about five (big house, marriage, kids). That’s the dangerous thing about doing the thing you want. You can’t go back because to go back is so unsatisfying. I definitely think I’ve opened a door to what I want, and now the door is ajar and I can peek through to what I’ve just been privy to. I can’t slam that door shut ever again without feeling deeply unhappy and distressed. Part of that experience, and I can’t go into full details, was being active, direct, doing what I wanted and going with the flow without thinking of the consequences, the repercussions or what I might think or feel about my actions later. All that mattered was the moment and whether that moment brought me joy, happiness or exhileration. If it did, I was living.

So what is this post about? It’s just me telling me: get up, get out, go do it. And the same to all readers and followers: that slow, aching boredom will become a mountain of rage and frustration eventually. If you know what makes you happy, please go and do it! Don’t be afraid that it will go wrong. It’s better than letting that ‘ennui’ boil you alive.

10 things that would make me happy…

1. Adventures, journeys, travel. New faces, new places.

2. Doing something worthwhile, productive and positive that makes a difference, no matter how small.

3. Living in a world of sounds and music, beauty and colour.

4. Reading and writing. Capturing the moments that matter.

5. Standing on the brink of fear and seeing over to the other side.

6. ‘Excitement and danger, love from a stranger’

7. Living in the moment – no regrets, even if the moment is crazy and someone that ‘isn’t you’ takes over

8. Living a life where I trust my instincts, live for the moment and follow my heart and not my head (as the heart has all the fun)

9. Seeing new cultures, new languages, religions and people and exploring their ways of doings things

10. Ensuring that my inner child likes the woman I become.

Quote Blog: Life

John Lennon: “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

This Means War

Ever girl fantasises about being the object of many men’s affections. The mam in the middle. The rose between two thorns. The lady of the moment with her pick of the litter. In Hollywood this woman exists. This woman is Lauren Scott. There are some who have questioned the choice of Reese Witherspoon as a suitable stick of man magnet lady candy, expressing that she lacks the raw, magnetic sex appeal that would cause men of such distinction to fight over efforts to paw all over her, especially when you could have a Megan Fox or a Jessica Alba, but how many machines of monstrous men forged from the remains of the Titanic itself have gone gaga gooey goo goo over the girl next door instead of Miss Super Hot, Super Sexy, Super Star, Super Model and with her luminous hair, ocean eyes and killer smile, Ms Witherspoon is still looking pretty damn good. Besides, she has felled such mantelope in her time as Ryan Phillippe and Jake Gyllenhaal so she must know that sweet and sugary wins the race. Anyway, it’s not a bad job being paid to have men fight over you…

Ms Lauren Scott might be Miss Successful, sweet and sexy but she is on a man hunt. Enter CIA agents and best buds, as well as contesting contenders for her heart (and loins) FDR (played by the usually straight laced Chris Pine), a smooth talking alpha male chauvinist and connoisseur of women who enjoys spying on bikini clad ladies in swimming pools and haunting the local video store to pick up lucked out singles, and Tuck (man of the moment Tom Hardy) who plays against type (delicious, dead eyed, bodacious bad boy) to emit a sweet, almost poetic vibe, as a family man who is infatuated with the idea of love itself. Tuck meets Lauren the modern way – via the internet, and FDR consequently bumps into her at his fave haunt (the video store of course).

What ensues is a ‘date off’ as Tuck and FDR spy on one another (and of course Lauren) as they attempt to out date each other with trips to the fair, art galleries, clubs and romantic restaurants. Slowly they uncover more and more about Lauren; her interests, ambitions and intrigues. There is a villain lingering in the background in the form of Heinrich, (shark-eyed scene stealer Til Schweiger) but he is merely an excuse for the odd car chase, explosion and get away helicopter. The real focus is on this three way freak fest.

Reese shimmers and shines as the sweet super sassy tweety pie cuckoo bird that we have come to know and love for her likeability and effervescence in roles such as ‘Legally Blonde’. What’s so workable with Reese is that you could see every thought cloud over in her baby blues and her face brightens up like a light bulb at just the right points.Chris Pine has moments of sheer hilarity and quick fire physical comedy. Hardy appeared oddly miscast. I simply couldn’t disconnect him in my mind from the intense, tenacious, magnetic, barbaric animalism he has previously channelled for such roles as Heathcliff and Tommy in ‘Warrior’ (a type that fits him better I feel). Mr Hardy is not ‘romcom’ man – this cheapens his dead eyed, bad boy, rough edged persona. Chelsea Handler is awkward-cringy- middle aged hilarity personified as Lauren’s best friend Trish, a woman who enjoys supping vodka from her baby’s beakers and eating Cheetos from the lardy roles of her partners’ stomach during intercourse whilst vicariously living through Lauren’s lustful love life.

Lauren does of course inevitably make a choice. She can’t ping back and forth, yo-yo like between these two hot bods forever. I was mildly surprised and disappointed with Lauren’s decision (anyone that knows my tastes will know now who she did not choose – friggin’ idiot) but everything wraps up nice and coherently (in true Hollywood style). I would recommend this as a light-hearted, pop corn fuelled rom-com that will make you laugh and even if it doesn’t, it’s so packed with man candy that your eyes will be thanking you for coughing up the cost of a ticket.

Books revisited: Eat, Pray, Love

Most people follow a plotted path when it comes to living life. It’s a path that has been well worn many a time. It is the tried and tested route, so called because it seems right and it can bring happiness. Choosing to follow another route might bring bliss, or it might bring disaster. Then you have to scramble back onto the tried and tested route, desperately making up for lost time. Elizabeth Gilbert is married with a beautiful home and a successful career. The decision over whether or not to have kids forces her to acknowledge a drastic and life changing truth: Liz is unhappy, with her man and marriage, and with the designated path. She doesn’t want babies and she doesn’t want marriage. She makes the heart breaking decision to terminate her marriage, dealing with the guilt and regret that emerge in the aftermath, but she also experiences a new sense of liberation as she decides to search for happiness by dedicating four months to the pursuit of pleasure in carnal Italy, four months to devotion in spiritual India and four to balance in blissful Bali.

I was drawn to Gilbert’s work whilst undertaking my own voyage of exploration – volunteering at an animal sanctuary in Phetchaburi, Thailand. The book was sitting on the shelf, and I decided to pick it up. I’d bypassed the furore surrounding this book when it first emerged on the scene blazing a trail for bored, out of their twenties women who weren’t sure what they really wanted to be doing with their life’s. Julia Roberts portrayed Liz in the film (which I have not yet seen) although I think, in her younger years, the role would have been a perfect fit for Meg Ryan.

Gilbert was for me very relatable. She was very human. At times whiny, self-oriented, obsessive and irresponsible, she also struck me as honest, endearing and courageous. Who wouldn’t want to travel the world and follow their dreams if they had the finances and freedom to do so? Her story struck a chord with me. Chronically unsure that I ever want marriage or babies (I hate anything with a label and I’m not particularly maternal – although at the age of 23, this might be more an age thing – I’m still waiting for the magic marriage and baby fairy to strike), living a life devoted to pleasure, spirituality and balance seems rather attractive to me. Imagine leading a life dedicated to journeys, adventures, causes, new people, new places, joy, freedom, romance, magic…of course this might all be incredibly naïve. But the truth is I admired Gilbert for daring to step away from a life that was not the right fit for her and plunging into the unknown, facing nights of loneliness and depression before the nights of gorging on pasta and finding her fluent feet.

Ultimately, Liz ends up back where she started. After eating lots of Roman cuisine, scrubbing temple floors and shacking up with a medicine man, Liz falls in love, and due to circumstances beyond her control, ends up marrying. The moral of the story then, is not a ‘Revolutionary Road’ style attack on the domestic sphere and the domain of the husband, wife, family, house and career, but a story about following your heart and trusting that it will lead you to the right places. It might lead you to a man, a job, a country, a language, a type of food, a musical instrument, but trust it when it’s aching, pulsing, beating, begging you to take it somewhere, to do something. As such, there was no attack on marriage, or babies, or domesticity, but just ensuring that it’s the right marriage, the babies you wanted and the domesticity you can enjoy. The biggest lesson for me was one of balance. How many wives and mothers turn their backs on their passions, hobbies, dreams and friends when they settle down? How many lifelong travellers ignore the need for roots and purpose? Liz’s story reminds us that whichever path we choose, conventional or unconventional, we need to balance our own happiness with that of others by ensuring that our families, friends, communities and cultures, and those of others are respected as much as possible. You can be a mum and do something for yourself, and you can be a traveller and fall in love. Create your own story; know when to fight the good fight and when to walk away. Trust in your heart, your gut instincts and realise that the path you walk is always your own, no matter how similar it may appear to someone elses. As such, you have a duty to yourself to ensure that there are a few flowers along that road…

Quote Blog: Love

The most valuable possession you can own is an open heart. – Carlos Santana

Quote Blog: Love

Everyone should give love like a puppy and receive love like a cat – Me